Secret Life Of A Second Wife

The unspoken truth.

I remember sitting across the room from her...There was awkwardness in the air and I wondered if only the two of us had felt it. I tried not to look or stare... Not out of fault or fear...but rather out of respect... respect that I still had for her after everything she had said about me.

None of it was true...but somedays I didn't blame her for feeling the way she did, she had every right to be angry and livid towards me...

That didn't make it hurt any less though.

I wish I could tell her that I had no intention of ever hurting her, that my intent for a future had extended beyond my love for only Ridwaan but also to her and the kids.

I wondered if she knew for sure that it was me, but I would guess that the silence between us was enough to clarify her suspicions.

Unspoken words lingered in the air and made it hard for me to breathe.
I felt tears catch in my eyes.

That night, every part of me wanted to go to her...But I knew that I would come across as cocky rather than kind. And I had no aim for that whatsoever.

I sat there staring at my hands...There was so much I wanted to say.
How sorry I was.
How hard it had become to hide it from her.
How much strain this secret was putting on everyone.
And how it killed me every day to hear the things she had to say about me...Never to my face and nothing close to the truth.
Still, my heart sought for the chance to speak with her.

I wanted her to just listen...But more than that I wanted her to understand. I needed to tell her the words I played repeatedly in my head. I didn't want to take him away from her...To steal the life she had built with him. I only wanted to love him too, the way she always had a chance to.

I remember that evening as if it was yesterday.
I remember how it felt.
For the first time, I saw what was in her heart...
And I wished that someday she might want to look deep enough to see what was in mine.