Secret Life Of A Second Wife

Our Prophet (pbuh) and his wives - a true Paradigm of Polygamy.

Our Nabi (SAW) had shared a unique kind of love with each of his wives… He too had his favourites and they too had their bouts of jealousy. But in his Sunnah, he gave us a striking example of how to treat women… and his fairness in dealing with them shows extensively in the Quran and throughout our history books and hadith.

We must take into consideration that Polygamy was widespread and socially acceptable to women at the time.  There were no social barriers preventing them from entering into these marriages and no one questioned Allah’s will or the way of life that our Beloved Prophet (SAW) had followed.

Today, we have become so modern that we disregard the significance of this Sunnah and even though it is still widely practiced by so many men, they fail to follow the most important components of it.

Greatly influenced by Western culture and the media, we are brainwashed into thinking that relationships like this won’t work…That it is shameful and offensive to put these ideas and concepts into practice and that those who choose to follow this lifestyle should be shunned and socially exiled by society.

Are we so small minded to think that pretending it doesn’t exist will make it go away?

Polygamy isn’t a social problem. Racial discrimination and domestic violence and are social problems. Not adults freely choosing to marry each other.

We are very much misinformed if we think that this way of life is forced upon someone or that one is obligated into following it.

 “Rabbi Zidni ilma”  – Oh Allah, advance me in knowledge!

Polygamy might be a hard concept to grasp or get use to at first… but any honest researcher who pours over the life of Our Nabi (SAW) impartially, will unquestionably conclude that his reasons for marriage were ones that were clearly meant to strengthen the Muslim community, whether it be by the spread of knowledge or strengthening alliances with different tribes of Arabia.

He humbly took responsibility and cared for them, regardless of their age or which tribe they belonged to…. he had 11 wives in total, most of which were widows of war…. some were even freed slaves.

Nevertheless, each of his wives loved, respected and honoured him… all in different ways and in diverse circumstances…
But not one of them was married to him against their will.
Even in the days of the Prophet, there were disputes and envy among the wives… much like today. But these exemplary women were the ‘Mothers of the Believers’ and their unwavering love for Allah and His Prophet make them key examples of how women in Islam should be perceived.

(They each played an important role in conveying the Sunnah of the Prophet – the second source of Islamic Law along with the Quran. In total they related over 3000 hadith, all of which serve as a guide for us and future generations of our Ummah).

Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed by the idea of sharing Ridwaan, I try to remember the strength and tolerance that each of them had to have… and above all I find comfort in knowing that Ridwaan has his heart in the right place when it comes to loving me.

When the Prophet (SAW) talked about Khadija (RA) after she passed away, he would say:
“Ruziktu hubaha” (I was given the provision of her love)…

May Allah grant me the steadfastness from Fathima, the sincerity from Aisha, the patience of Asiyah and the loyalty of Khadija (RA)… Ameen.