Boys Like Boys [Nico di Angelo]

chapter fifteen

  "Why? What's wrong?" Nico demanded, sitting next to me in a chair by the cot. I stared at the wall in front of my, trying desperately to recollect my thoughts and breath.

  "Nothing, I just..." I had to stop myself. Nico couldn't know - Nico could never know. No one could. "What happened?"

  He raised an eyebrow at my change in conversation, before sighing.

  "One second you were okay and the next you fell to the ground and started screaming. Then, you completely blacked out and stopped moving and I thought...for a second I thought you were dead, but then I realized I would know if you were dead. So I took you to the infirmary and here you are," he explained, his eyebrows creased with worry. "What happened while you were out?"

"Atë visited me again," I said, trying not to give in to the tears blurring my eyes. "Tried to get me to join her."

"Did you-"

"No," I lied, closing my eyes and falling back onto the cot. "She just showed me things. Things I had no interest in ever seeing."

"Like what?"

I opened my eyes and looked over at him, taking in his worried dark brown eyes, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me, searching for any sign to indicate anything.

"Like me dying. You dying. Jason dying. Leo, Percy, my mom all because of me."

"You know that's not going to happen," Nico tried to reason, reaching out, but pulling his hand back. I felt my stomach drop at the hurt expression in his eyes. I just shook my head and closed my eyes, a tear slipping out of the corner of my eye. Nico reached over and wiped it away softly, his eyes finding mine. "We'll figure this out, okay?"

No, we won't, I thought, but swallowed the words in my throat. I sat up and stood, wobbling a bit, but Nico caught me. He led me to the cabin, saluting to a blonde at the doorway of the infirmary. The cabin was cold as he set me on my bed, before sitting next to me.

I felt weighted down. In two weeks, I'd be a slave to Atë, doing whatever she wanted me to do. I didn't know what that was, I don't think I wanted to, but it'd keep Nico safe. It'd keep Percy and Jason and Leo and my mom safe. That's all I could ask for.

"Hey," Nico said softly, pulling me out of my thoughts as I looked over to him. He had a soft smile on his face. "It's going to be okay," he whispered, reaching out to brush away the tears wetting my face, but I pulled away from him and stood up, pacing around the cabin.

"What if it isn't?!" I cried out, exasperated. He flinched and I felt an invisible force squeeze my chest. "I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling black smoke curl around my feet. "Stop!" I yelled, kicking at it, clawing at it, anything to make it go away. "I don't want this curse, I don't want to be like this!"

"Cal-"

"I want to go home. I wish I never came to this camp!" I knocked a lamp onto the floor, hearing the bulb shatter and the room became a bit darker. "I wish I had never been born!" I sobbed, feeling hands grab my wrist and gently pull them out of my hair as they were pressed to my side.

"Cal, look at me," Nico whispered and I didn't have the heart to lift my eyes. My bottom lip quivered as more tears slipped down my cheeks. I felt my chest seize up and my eyes burn hotter. I pried my wrists from his grasp and fisted his shirt into my hands, never looking up at him. "Cal-"

"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling my voice crack. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You're okay," he said softly, reaching up to wipe the tears from my cheeks. His touch was soft and gentle, like it always was, but it just made more tears track down my face. His eyes never left mine, like he was searching for something in them. Suddenly, he leaned his forehead against mine, his thumbs still wiping tears from my cheeks. I felt my heart beat stutter at the close proximity of the two of us, Nico's breath fanning over my face. It smelled like mint gum and half of me wanted to ask for some and the other wanted to taste him.

  My inner monologue really needed to stop.

  Then I realized I'd been staring at his lips. I looked back up at his eyes and noticed his cheeks were flushed a cute pink color. He's a liability was all that ran through my mind. If I got too close to Nico, leaving was just going to hurt more. Distancing myself would be painful too. I couldn't win.

  "What are you thinking about?" he whispered softly and I released my grip on his shirt. His hands fell from my face and he pulled away from me and I felt a pang at my chest. You.

  "Just...things," I responded, watching his expression. He raised an eyebrow.

  "What things?"

  "It doesn't matter," I brushed it off, before moving and sitting on my bed.

"Are you sure?" he asked sweetly, crossing his legs as he sat next to me.

  "Yeah, I just..." I trailed off, furrowing my eyebrows. "I'd like to be alone."

  His eyes suddenly portrayed hurt and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I had a lot to think about, and Nico's distracting eyes weren't helping anything. He sighed and nodded, before getting up and leaving without a second look back at me.