Priceless

Chapter 11: Secrets

Thane lie awake atop his covers, letting the ceiling fan cool his skin after a hot shower. He should be sleeping, but once again he couldn't. Nessa filled his heart and mind and he wanted desperately to understand her.

He knew it hadn't been fatigue that drove her to the bathroom at the restaurant. She'd been reacting to something that triggered her past, but what?

It had to be Kylie, or something about her. She'd been fine until he introduced her to his best friend. She'd recovered quickly, but that same look came over her face again during dinner. What had they been talking about?

He racked his brain, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to remember the conversation. Nessa hadn't even been a part of it. Reba and Kylie were doing all the talking. But what was the topic?

The baby.

Reba had been asking Kylie questions about her pregnancy and the baby. Was that what upset Nessa?

Snippets of earlier conversations started bobbing to the surface, merging with this new revelation into a tangled mess. What had they talked about before that had upset her and shut her down?

She'd sworn off men and romantic relationships, but he'd chalked that up to Mr. Wrong and being treated poorly. How did that fit into Kylie being pregnant?

He remembered the night he'd taken dinner down to the office and she'd called herself a monster. That had really baffled him. Whatever she'd done, she really hated herself for it.

But there was something else they'd discussed, not long after they met. It niggled the back of his brain, tickling and teasing but not coming forward. He slowly replayed the time they'd spent together, starting with the diner and moving forward. When he made it to their trip to the ranch, something pinged. What had they been talking about on the ride from Cripple Creek?

"Reba. Bailey. Rhett," he muttered to himself. And then, finally, he knew. "Rhett's mom! And the way she gave up her rights to him."

How did any of that fit together?

A mom who abandoned her kid. Feeling like a monster who deserved to be punished. Avoiding love and relationships. Getting pale and panicked over his friend's pregnancy.

Help me out here Lord! The secret doesn't matter, it's not going to change Your call on my heart or my attraction to her. I just want to understand her! How do I help her heal? What happened to her?

He closed his eyes again, laying in silence, waiting, hoping God would reveal something. The sound of the fan slicing through the air met his ears, as well as the crickets and tree frogs and other night life drifting in through his windows.

He tried to quiet his mind, let God work His words into his heart.

He meant it when he said her secret didn't matter. He'd love her whether he knew or not. But he felt like he was somehow overlooking the obvious reason for her pain. What did all those small things have in common?

Moms and kids and pregnancy. Love and relationships.

You usually had to have the latter to get the former. What about all that made her a monster?

His eyes flew open as it all fell into place and he felt his stomach lurch at the conclusion. Had her relationship with Mr. Wrong led to an unplanned pregnancy? And if so, where was her child? She obviously didn't have it. Had she given it up for adoption? That didn't feel bad enough to label her a monster. The only other option was abortion.

It all fit. It made sense. She'd gotten involved with a guy who didn't truly love her or protect her, chose to have sex, got pregnant, and then most likely, dumped. She'd distanced herself from her real friends and had no relationship with her own mother. She'd probably been alone and terrified. She'd chosen abortion in a moment of panic. And now she regretted it to the point she felt unworthy of grace and forgiveness. Since her God wouldn't punish her, she was seeking atonement by giving up on love. And subsequently marriage and any more children.