Priceless

Chapter 18: Resolution

Nessa showered and dressed quickly Wednesday morning, determined to be in the office before the rest made it to the kitchen for breakfast. While her anger had ebbed, she still had no idea what to say to Reba or Thane. They obviously waited for her to make the first move, but she didn't know what that move should be.

She'd spent most of the hike yesterday dissecting the conversation she'd had with her brother. He wanted her to forgive everyone, Thane in particular. Caleb seemed to think his intentions outweighed the betrayal. However, standing as the one betrayed made it hard to agree with that sentiment.

The longer she thought about it, and Caleb's declaration that Thane had potential, she started to notice a couple points standing out that she'd initially overlooked.

Thane had known for a week that she'd had an abortion.

An entire week that he could've thought about her and what she'd done and changed his mind about pursuing her. Instead, he'd only worked harder to win her over. He knew and he chose to stay.

Once she had let that concept sink in, she also realized that even after his best friend reacted negatively to the news, he hadn't relented. He'd chosen Nessa over Kylie. He'd come home, danced with her on the porch until she fell asleep on the swing, and then tucked her into his own bed.

She didn't want to ruin their friendship, but Caleb had a point. Thane could make his own decisions and if he felt God deemed Nessa the right choice, she wouldn't change his mind. He stood rock solid on the one thing that would never change – God's word.

She'd never dared to fantasize about a man who would look at her with such compassion, who was so filled with scripture and led by the Holy Spirit, that he'd stand up for her against a world that wanted to tear her down.

Now she didn't have to fantasize. She lived with him.

Despite that, despite knowing that he knew and chose to stand by her and defend her, she still feared he would walk away. What if she allowed him in and told him the whole story and he changed his mind? What if she laid it all out for him, proved to him how selfish and foolish and utterly stupid she'd been – and he walked away?

Could she bear that? Could she handle living her worst fear and still find the strength to keep going?

That, more than anything, kept her from ironing things out with any of them.

She couldn't forgive Reba and Bailey and continue to avoid Thane. This was all or nothing.

Her thoughts weighed heavy on her shoulders as she pulled her boots on and stepped onto the porch. The walk to the office felt longer and more laborious than she ever remembered. She needed answers and direction, but until she surrendered and fell to her knees as Caleb told her to do, she wouldn't get them.

How does one fall before God in surrender, knowing they won't get the punishment they deserve?

How did a person accept His grace and mercy and forgiveness after they murdered one of His own?

She felt sure most people wouldn't hesitate to take the opportunity for a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card. But for her that took more courage than the way she'd been living.

Accepting that kind of pass meant – at least to her – spending the rest of her life proving she'd learned her lesson. Proof went beyond avoiding extramarital sex, pregnancy and abortion. Proof meant finding a way to be upfront and honest about what she'd done and then using it to help someone else.

What if she failed?

It would only add ammunition to the fire of her critics and she could barely endure the assault now.