Once and for All ✔

Chapter 13

Jawariyah's Pov

I can't sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, I see dad's face which then brings tears to my eyes. I've been trying to process that dad's gone and he wouldn't be here anymore to crack jokes and make me smile every day. My Dad wasn't like any dad, he wasn't the type of dad got angry at me for making mistakes or misunderstanding. Whenever I did something wrong he would sit me down and explain to me what I had down and how I should make sure don't to repeat the same mistakes again. It's kinda hard to have a father like that these are days, especially because of how society is like these days.

Finding out that the most important person in your life, the one who helped you in difficult moments has passed away and you would never be able to see them or even talk to them.

I throw the blanket of myself and make my way to the bathroom.

I need a shower. I feel like whenever I'm angry or frustrated water always helps me to calm down.

Water pours down, it rains by my side, as my mind fades into dullness and everything is a misty illusion. The feeling of the steamy water assures me; it takes my mind off things. All the things I seriously don't care about right now. It's the steamy water. My mind swirls, and it's like I'm standing under an aeonian waterfall. Ever so calmly, but it can never last, I know that.

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Mum looks different. There's dark circle around her eyes and she looks completely thin, It feels like she's so fragile that she'll soon break into pieces. She's wearing a black abaya and a loose scarf is wrapped around her hair.

I've haven't seen my mum like this ever in my life. I don't think she's my mother anymore. She looks too small, too broken and too fragile to be a mother.

I wrap my arms around her and let the tears fall. She cries to too. Two broken people weeping for a loved one.

I can't say that mum and dad were like Prophet Muhammad and his wives, but I can say that they tried to be. No relationship is perfect and there's weren't. They had there good times and their bad times, but they stayed strong and always loved each other. I can see why mum acted this way, from our sudden loss, he was the love of her life, her husband, the father of her children and the one who loved her. I was broken and hurt when I lost Mahmoud.

Letting go is most painful thing ever and it's hard because it's like your letting go of a piece of yourself. We've all been there, the moment where we feel like there's no purpose of life.

Abdur Rahman bin Awf, who belonged to a family of the Ansar, was surprised to see the Prophet shedding tears. He objected to it saying: "You have been restraining us from weeping for the dead. How is it that you are now shedding tears at the death of your son? "

The Prophet replied: "I have never said that you should not weep on the death of your dear ones, because it is a sign of kindness and pity and a person whose heart is not moved for others does not become entitled to the blessings of Allah. I have said that you should not make excessive lamentations on the death of your dear ones and neither utter indecent or objectionable words nor tear your dress out of too much grief"

Losing Mahmoud was the hardest thing ever, I was emotionally attached to me and couldn't let go. I loved him, but Allah loved him more so he took him away.

It took me two years to let go of him but in the end, I did and I was happy I did because I would be still living the same pain today.

''Mum,'' I whispered. ''You loved Dad, but Allah loved him more so He took him away.''

''We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return.'' She pulls away from the hug and gives me a small smile.

''It hurts to let go.''

I shake my head and at her smile. ''I know which is why I'll be right here when you need me, the only distances between us is a door."