American Sweethearts

10

Remember that episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai goes on a date with a hot millionaire she meets at an auction? He asks her out to a Bowie concert but he turns out to be so boring, she can't bear the thought of spending more time with him.

That's me right now.

I've never been so bored in my life. Except maybe in high school algebra.

"And this giant, fucking bird shits right on my forehead!" Christian exclaims. "It was so fucking gross, but at least it wasn't in my mouth, you know?"

"Yeah," I chuckle. "That was lucky."

"I know right? I've hated birds ever since."

"Even peacocks? I think they're so pretty."

"Nah, man, they're the worst! They're the tarantulas of the bird species."

Alright, maybe I was exaggerating about my boredom before. He can be pretty funny every now and then. He's just... not very interested in me.

Oh god. Am I the problem here?

"What about penguins?" I ask.

"Hate them."

"Have you seen Atypical?"

"That Netflix show about that kid with autism? It doesn't really sound interesting to me."

"Well, when the main character gets anxious, he calms himself down by reciting different kinds of penguins."

"There are different kinds of penguins?"

"Apparently."

"I never knew that."

I take a sip of my drink, not knowing how to continue the conversation. It's been like this all night. He's funny, but he's barely asked any questions about me, and we're not really connecting. It's not awkward or anything, it's just... weird. But maybe that's just my anxiety.

Thankfully. The waiter comes back over to us, placing the bill on the table. I reach for it, but Christian snatches it out of my hands.

"I've got this," he says.

"No, that's okay. I think we should split it."

"No way. I'm paying."

"Christian, really. I want to pay."

"Not happening," he shakes his head. "You don't have a job."

"That doesn't mean I can't afford it."

I've been saving up for years now. I worked all summer long, and I've got money from my parents. I can afford it. I'm just waiting to get a job until I've settled into a routine.

"Too late," Christian says, placing some bills on the table. "It's my treat."

"Fine, but I pay next time."

"Next time?"

Shit. I don't know if I want a second date. The words just came out.

"Maybe," I say.

"I hope so. I've had a good time tonight."

"So have I."

Even though the restaurant didn't have any strawberry milk. I was forced to drink Sprite instead.

"You wanna get out of here?" he asks.

"Yeah," I nod. "I'm ready for bed."

"Bed? I thought we'd go back to my place."