American Sweethearts

55

"I've been really good," I say. "I've been happy."

"That's great to hear, Sarah," Margaret smiles. "Has anything happened to instigate this increase in mood?"

"My medication has increased. I haven't had any panic attacks since then."

"That's not all, is it?" Steph gives me a pointed look, encouraging me to talk about Tyler.

"I've also been dating someone," a shy smile forms at my lips.

"And how's that going?" Margaret asks.

"Really well. It's still new, but I like how it's going so far."

"That's great. Are you worried about opening up about your past?"

"Yeah, I guess."

There's a lot we still need to talk about. There's a lot he doesn't know about me, and I don't know about him. What Owen told me about his past relationships really threw me off. But I've been trying to avoid thinking about it. It doesn't make anything between us less significant.

"Is he patient?"

"I think so," I nod. "We're still getting to know each other."

"That sounds great," she smiles. "Last time we spoke, you mentioned feeling highly sensitive to your emotions, is that still the case?"

I almost scoff. That's always the case. It's been that way before the accident even happened, since I was a kid. In the report I got from my therapist last year, she called me 'extremely emotional' and 'highly sensitive'. My mum used to tell me it was because I wore my heart on my sleeve. But my father would say I was just good at overthinking.

"Yeah," I say. "But I think it's pretty normal, right?"

"I feel that way, too," Angus agrees.

"Me too," Katie adds.

"It just feels like the tiniest inconvenience can set me off," Angus comments.

"Oh my god, yes," Steph sighs. "That's exactly what it feels like."

"It is very common amongst young people with mental illnesses," Margaret says.

"Is that why I feel on edge all the time?" Katie asks. "Like... I could be having a nice day, but I'm always worried something bad could happen."

"Definitely. That makes perfect sense."

"I don't really have that," Steph comments. Neither do I, but I understand what she means.

"That's why coping methods are so important," Margaret continues. "They can assist you when you're feeling down, so you don't have to worry about that sensitivity. It makes your periods of anxiety and low mood less intimidating."

I glance over at Steph. She slumps down in her chairs, rolling her eyes. She hates coping methods. But they can be useful sometimes. The breathing exercise I use to stop myself from having a panic attack, or to calm myself down from one, is a coping method. So is repeating my favourite bands in my mind. So is scratching my thigh.

At least, that's what I think. My old therapist worried it had become a method of self-harm, but I disagree. It just keeps me grounded. It helps me recognise my surroundings, instead of getting lost in a bubble of anxiety.

When nobody responds to Margaret's information, she shuts her notebook, and takes a deep breath.

"Alright, our time is up," she smiles. "Thank you all for sharing, and I'll see you next week."