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30. Anxiety

Rule 54: At some point, you have to take the first step.

Otsuka wasn't good at building relationships with new people. After her whole world getting thrown on its head eight years ago, she'd made two real connections with people and that was less because she wanted to and more because she was a seven-year-old in emotional turmoil who needed someone to lean on. Then one was gone and there was just Mags, but Otsuka didn't even want to see her. Over time, she'd pushed past it and this spritely little nine-year-old boy had suddenly burst through her little bubble of silence, throwing her the rest of the way over the mountain in her road.

And now Otsuka was on her own again, she'd made... acquaintances, maybe a friend. But she didn't have anyone she really felt comfortable with, felt like she could really talk to on a bad day. She wasn't even sure where to start in order to get there.

She knew relationships like that were built from two sides, not one. She knew the efforts on her side were lacking to say the least. But even if she knew how to go about it, putting that kind of effort in, making it matter, there was always a risk of it going sideways. And she'd be alone again, hating herself because how could she be such an idiot?

'How do you'

She deleted the text. This was stupid. Pure stupidity. She was fine. She didn't need to do this. She could handle this herself.

She tapped her finger against the side of the new phone. Somehow, Nezu had found a way to get a new phone (exactly the same but for a pretty heavy-duty case that came with a non-fireproof warning) to her so it was ready when she got back to the apartment. It had been waiting on the table when they arrived. Inside the apartment. Behind the locked door.

Otsuka found Nezu mildly terrifying.

'How do you make a friend?'

She sent it to Matsui before she could second (third? Fourth? Fifth? Twelfth?) guess herself, hoping she wasn't going to regret this, hoping he wasn't going to make her regret this.

As always, his response was instantaneous.

'What its super easy ya silly bean'

Otsuka rolled her eyes. She'd always been amazed by how easily he attached himself to people. Actually, perhaps she shouldn't be asking him, his method for friendship followed along the lines of annoying the person until they stopped minding him.

'Just, help.'
'Please.'

She'd be on her knees getting him to take this seriously if she could be there in real life. She really missed him, just being around him made it harder to be nervous.

'Kk'
'It's really not that hard tho'
'Try and get 2 now them'

The hyper boy sent back in quick succession.

Otsuka huffed. Not only was his texting atrocious but the methods he was giving her seemed to involve conversation. Now, far be it for Otsuka to believe a person could accurately judge themselves, but she didn't think she was being too biased when she said conversation wasn't her greatest skill.

'Do you mean 'know'?'

'whatever'

She laughed to herself, safe in the private nook of her room.

'Right. But how do you do that?' she asked. Three dots rippled on the left and she waited patiently for Matsui to answer.

'Try hanging round them I guess'
'Like talk 2 them and stuff'

Otsuka nodded, forgetting for a moment that he was somewhere far away, unable to see her. 'Thanks.' She sighed. This wouldn't be so hard. Just hang out and talk to them about stuff.