World Tour

Hong Kong: aftermath

They walked back to the hotel silently. Eddy kept looking sideways at Brett. He was a bit worried about what was going on in his boyfriend's head. 

As he closed the hotel room door behind them, he started: 
¨So, Matt's a guy of impeccable timing, wouldn't you say?¨
Brett snorted. ¨Yeah, you can say that again!¨
¨So, Matt's a guy of impeccable timing, wouldn't you say?¨
Brett looked at him with an incredulous look on his face, before he kicked him in the shins. 
¨Seriously, dude? You can't recycle jokes for ever, you know?¨
But Eddy knew he'd broken the tension. 

¨So.¨ he said softly. ¨How did it make you feel when Matt told us he'd worked it out?¨
Brett was silent for a moment. 
¨I think I was mostly worried about how you would feel. I still am.¨
Eddy nodded. 
¨I'm sorry I worried you.¨
¨Don't say that!¨ Brett replied with some vehemence. ¨I need you to talk to me about what goes on in that gorgeous head of yours, okay?¨

Eddy nodded again. 
¨Well... I guess I was a bit flustered, you know I haven't quite worked out what I feel about how the world will view us, and how we handle that. But, I was telling the truth when I said it was all good. I found that I quite liked that someone knew, and he wasn't fussed at all.¨
He thought for a second and said, mildly:
¨Brett, why do you feel this insecurity?¨
Brett looked up at him suddenly, his eyes startled. 
It was quiet for a long minute while Eddy waited for Brett to start talking, but he just looked at him calmly, not backing down. 
Brett sighed and spoke.
¨I don't know. I guess maybe... maybe I just don't feel like I'm good enough for you. You're awesome, and you're beautiful, and you always had all the girls. Beautiful girls, too. And I just feel so insignificant in comparison.¨

Eddy stopped breathing. What? He had no idea Brett felt like this. He knew he would stop at nothing to change his mind, to make it better. 
¨Mate!¨ he said, softly, putting his hand on Brett's thigh, and lifting his chin with the other, so Brett would look at him. 
¨I had no idea you felt like this! I mean... you couldn't be more wrong, of course. I often feel I am the one unworthy here!  I don't know how to change your mind on this, but you have to know... you are absolutely good enough. Just look at all the fan girls swooning over you, you're a real catch.¨
A tear formed on Brett's bottom eyelid and spilled over. He choked back a sob. 
¨I don't know, Eddy. But I do know, that what you said earlier, it helped so much. Do... do you still feel that way?¨
¨Brett¨, Eddy said with conviction. ¨I told you I love you. And I do, and I will keep loving you. With all my heart. I fell hopelessly in love with you before I ever knew you might feel the same for me. The fact that I'm having to adjust to a new place in the world, to being part of a rainbow suddenly, when I've been 'normal' all my life, at least in that way... that has nothing to do with that. 
I'm all in here, Bretty. I'm all, all in.¨

Brett looked up at him with tears still in his eyes, and it was like the sun broke through. 
¨So am I, my love. I'll be here as long as you want me.¨
Eddy felt his heart lighten. ¨Well, prepare to be here for a very long time then.¨

He stroked Brett's hair and kissed the top of his head, before he moved to quietly take Brett's clothes off. He softly pushed him down onto the mattress, quickly took his own clothes off and slid in next to him, pulling the duvet over them both. 
Brett put his head on his chest, still sobbing quietly every once in a while.
¨I'm sorry I lost my shit, Eddy¨
Eddy just kept stroking his head, his back, his cheeks. 
¨Shhh. I'm glad you told me. It's all good. Go to sleep, my love.¨