Loving Blindly

Stop

Jacob and I went through a lot of stuff... We were forbidden to be together by my parents. He never did anything wrong; they just didn't like him. My mom though, she at least tried to show some kindness towards him. She helped us go out with each other without my father knowing or noticing. She wanted me to be happy and she knew the only way I could feel happiness was near Jacob. The guy I fell for; soon became my boyfriend.

The news got to my dad; he was furious, but he knew there was no stopping me. He made it impossible for us to communicate with each other or even see each other. My mom would be the one who would try to speak with him and calm him down; she would help him see other points of view.

My dad wanted to take Jacob for a ride; I was scared. I didn't know what my dad might say or do to him. I hoped he didn't talk bad about me or scare him away from me. No, I don't think Jacobs a scaredy-cat. I did alert Jacob about everything that could happen or any lies he could come up with. Jacob was prepared; he had told me he wouldn't believe my father, he would believe me instead.

The day had come, my dad went by himself and picked up Jacob in his car. I didn't know what was going on because I wasn't there so I became anxious; walking around the house frustrated.

When I saw my dad come home his reaction wasn't what I was expecting; he was smiling at me. I couldn't take it anymore and asked: "What happened?" He replied: "I may have mistaken Jacob for a bad guy, he doesn't seem that way. He told me about his past...He has suffered a lot. I'll give you guys a chance, but don't disappoint me." My father said with a smile.

I was so confused...How did Jacob convince my dad? Later then, Jacob told me he had told my dad this sappy story about how he wanted a father like mine. Under all that rage, my dad actually had a sweet heart.

Jacob and I would eat together, I made sure of that; he was pretty poor and tight on money. I didn't work, but I asked my mother for some cash and she would end up giving some to me. Sometimes when my mom lied about not having any money; I would steal it from her purse when she wasn't looking. I would tell Jacob this and he'd be on my side; he also gave me tips on how and when I should steal it. My mother always asked me: "Why doesn't Jacob pay for your food?" Then she would carry on and say: "It's the gentleman's way to spoil his lady." But I knew Jacob's situation; if he were rich he would give me everything I'd ever ask for.

I remember the day of our first kiss; I tried blocking him and I did not let him kiss me since I had never been kissed before. He knew this, but he wanted to be my first. He would send me text messages saying how badly he wanted to kiss me and make me feel loved. I found it cute, but I was scared. Should I kiss him or wait a little longer? I did my research online; I would type: How to kiss a guy? Some tips helped, some I didn't understand. One day I decided to finally give it a shot. He leaned close into me and placed his lips on mine; biting me softly. At that moment I did not know what I was doing, I don't think I even kissed him back. All I felt was his saliva coming into my mouth. At first I was a bit grossed out by it. Is that how kissing feels like? Then later that night I couldn't stop thinking about it, I wanted to feel his lips on mine again, but this time I wanted to kiss him back.

Turns out, kissing wasn't as easy as I thought. He had to teach me how to kiss because I was a mess! I felt so embarrassed. But then they became our private lessons and with time I got better.

We were at this "secluded" place kissing one day, I was wearing a skirt and I felt his hand reaching underneath it. I stopped him and with scared looking eyes I said: "No." He looked me in the eyes and nodded. He stood up and said: "I have to get going anyways. You can get home by yourself right?" I nodded and pulled down my skirt as I stood up. I felt bad for stopping him. Did I do the right thing? We were doing fine till I said no. Now he just left with no explanation, leaving me stranded. I should've left him keep going. I don't want to lose him for something so foolish. Flashbacks of my mom came to my mind. "If a guy tries to touch you, don't let him. Not your butt cheeks, not your boobs and not even your thighs." At the same time I wondered. What would happen if he does? Do I want him to? No. I can't do that. My thoughts were all over the place.

He did text me a message saying:

-"I'm sorry, I just get really tempted to touch you. I need you to stop me every time my hand traspases your boundaries. Otherwise I won't be able to stop it myself."-

I didn't understand...Why can't he stop himself? Why do I have to stop him? He knows he's wrong. Will he try to do that again?
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