[p o e t r y]

Stress

Stale coffee aftertaste
Burning at my tongue while I work

Tears begging and pushing for escape
At the back of my throat
Right behind my tongue
And above where my adam's apps
Would be if I were a man

Anxiety
Clutching at my heart
Pulling my lungs too close together
Squeezing my chest too tightly
Right between and beneath my breasts

Despair and Stress
Settling in my lower abdomen
Settling down like an anchor
Nestling between my organs
Pressing against my bladder,
My uterus
And the bottom of my stomach
So heavy
That it's nauseating
And so disruptive
That I forget to pee, eat, or drink
For hours and hours on end
The only organ I feel working
In my abdomen
Is whichever one
Keeps reminding me
"Coffee cramps. You have coffee cramps.
We hurt. There's too much stress
And too much caffeine
We're going to shut down."

Anger
So much anger
Burning through my bloodstream
Shaking my hands violently
As they try to scribble down
Frantic lecture notes
Filling my mind
With exhausted rage
Quip after quip
Of anger and annoyance
Replaces the mathematical equations
In my mind
My heart burns with anger
It pumps out nothing but negativity
I am so angry.
I am so tired.
I am so angry that I am so tired.
I'm angry with myself
For being unable to complete the tasks
I need to do
Efficiently
I am angry at my teachers.
For assigning me so many assignments.
I am angry at Corona.
For giving me online finals
I am angry at my body.
For shutting down
When I need it to be productive
And efficient
I am angry
I am angry.

I am so angry I could cry.
I am so tired I could cry.
I am so stressed I could cry.
I am so frustrated I could cry.
I could cry
I could cry
I could cry

I want to scream
I
Am
So
Freaking
Tired
Of
And tired
By
Hopeless
School
Every
Freaking
Day
Of
My life

GIVE ME A BREAK
I CAN'T DO ALL OF THIS
PLEASE GIVE ME A
FREAKING BREAK
I JUST WANT A WEEKEND
I AM TIRED
I AM TIRED
I AM TIRED
LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME REST
I can try again for you later
I'll work hard later
Just please let me have a weekend
A day
A break.
...please
I'm tired

12:46am - College Deadweek begins
Senior semester of highschool
(05/02/20)