One Dangerous Destiny: A Henry Danger Fanfiction.

Chapter Twenty-Eight.

VERONIKA'S POINT OF VIEW.

As Pema drove me to the warehouse, the same warehouse that harbored so many dark memories for me, I had conflicting feelings about all this. Revisiting that same place, the place where I had been tortured for so long, the place where I had been held hostage by a monster, all the dark memories came back flooding to me. All the memories that I had tried so hard to banish to the deepest recesses of my mind were back, haunting me, taunting me, reminding me of how I had failed my brother. How I had failed as a person, and how I had been so gullible in falling in love. It served to remind me that my life had been nothing but hell. 

I had no idea what to expect of seeing him. Seeing him at the hospital waving that gun had reminded me of how much I loathed him. No doubt he had been serving his so called lover; the same woman who had obviously killed my brother. He disgusted me and all feelings of love I had had for him had been replaced by deep hatred and utmost regret for ever trusting him in the first place. Seeing him point that gun at Jasper's head reminded me of how he had fallen so far, how he had stooped so low. No doubt he had gone to the hospital to finish the job. Masking those feelings at the hospital had been so difficult. I didn't want Jasper to see any reaction from me that would suggest that he and I had some history. But perhaps it was my way to convince myself that he was nothing to me. Yet, if he was nothing to me, how come the wound from his betrayal was still fresh in my mind and in my heart? So fresh that I couldn't allow myself to ever love again? I wanted to hate him so bad but that was the lie that I always told myself.

He had been an epic love, one that I wasn't going to forget, so his betrayal had hurt me even more. He had been my friend, the one who had straightened things out whenever the journey had seemed too rough. We had been close friends and now we were on opposite sides of the spectrum. He had been my lover, someone who had the ability to make me feel the happiest, yet also the ability to break my heart into a million pieces. He had pursued the latter one, and the effects were still on me. Ever since what he did to me, I had vowed to myself never to give a man that much authority over my life, never to give a man the power and the satisfaction to see me cry. But ever since Jasper came into my life, I have kept on making the same mistakes over and over again. I let Jasper in, and I let myself fall for him, and I could tell that he had feelings for me too. I didn't want to feel vulnerable again, yet Jasper seemed to see all the weak points in me and just let them shine through. It's like he pried onto my heart from the beginning. I had kidnapped him yes, nursed his wounds, yet he had been the first guy to see through my tough exterior.

'It's okay to care.' he had said on our first time meeting. Then I kissed him and I admit it wasn't just the stereotypical Stockholm Syndrome kind of kiss. It was different on the first time. He had made me feel different, something so hard to explain. Something that I had never felt before, not even with Brett. Then the universe just happens to make us meet again, just as I saved his life the first time, he saved my life at the noodle shop, then I saved his life at the noodle shop, then he saved my life from a bullet wound, then we saved each other while escaping Arasha and then he saved my life at the hospital. It was an endless cycle that I had to end with me ghosting him. I didn't want to feel vulnerable again, the tears I had shed for Brett were already enough. 

All the conversations we had, they were real. I felt so real with him, like I could tell him everything; my insecurities about love, my view on the socioeconomic differences in the world, my sad childhood. It was like the universe was pushing us together, but I have to fight it.  I had the strong urge to kiss him again at the hospital. Thank God Henry walked in. My body was totally defenseless before him, both physically and emotionally. That is the vulnerability that I am talking about. Was what I was experiencing with him actually true love? I had been dead wrong about Brett, and I was scared to jump into things, only for Jasper to break my heart or die. I had already lost Noah, the only man who I had ever loved endlessly, and were I to let Jasper into my life, and something horrible happens, I'd be permanently broken. I couldn't waste my time trying to figure out what love is. I didn't want to feel weak and defenseless before a man ever again. I had to focus on my goal, which was to end those terrorists who tortured and murdered my brother. I wanted Emma and all her accomplices dead, at whatever cost. I wanted revenge. I wanted to kill them myself. Pema was right at the church, if I was going to kill them, I was going to have to use my help. I had to have my mind focused on annihilating them, without feelings of love and affection clouding my judgment. My revenge had to be cold and ruthless, without showing any feelings of remorse.