con bravura acceso - twoset one shots

I. violin concerto in d minor, op. 47 by Jean Sibelius

A/N: I know it actually doesn't snow in Australia, but we can pretend that it's in Japan.

What happens if Brett's heart is simply a winter never turned to spring? What if Brett chooses his heart instead of what he truly wants? What if he follows what he feels he should?

warnings: angst, just pure sadness

Brett's POV

I. Allegro Moderato

My head spins as I look around. The fire in the fireplace is providing warmth but the ice outside is still seeping through my skin. The sensation of fire and ice fighting. The cold spins around the warmth does nothing and lets the cold be. It seems like the comfort of warmth is merely a comfort. The cold always manages to escape, even if I have closed off everything that may let it in.

I cannot allow the cold to enter as it might never leave, even with the heat of the fire and the warmth of a home.

Walking through the house, I realized that this serves as a sanctuary. A protection from the cold of winter, from the heat of summer, from the falling leaves of autumn and the pollen of the air from spring. There are things that we forget but revolve around on. Like the time that has been given to us in this earth, or the way we have comfort in the familiar things in life, or the way the world continues even if we do not.

It seems pointless, but that was what I felt with Eddy.

Again, I look around and my head now hurts. I did not realize that it is now too warm for my house to handle. The fire is also my source of light, but it has to be put out before the house burns down. I pour water over the fireplace, felt the headache cool off and let the darkness spread over the house.

I still feel too warm from the touch of heat that Eddy had left.

II. Adagio de molto

I woke up because of the cold. I do not think I want to build a fire again. It feels like I get suffocated from the heat. It feels like the light is making my head hurt. It feels like the cold is truly where I belong. I get up to check on my window. The snow on the driveway is thicker than yesterday morning.

I decided to put on a coat and boots to go outside and marvel at the snow. I opened my door and walked out of the driveway. I do not mind the heaviness of the snow that's weighing me down. I just want to go out and see what the ice on my roof looks like. It seems like I like the unpredictability of winter.

Looking at it, you can never know when the sun rose and when it will set. All you know is that if it is complete dark, it is now nighttime. Yes, another sanctuary of mine. The winter nights are the most perfect time for me to feel alive again. To feel complete without the help of anything or anyone else but the darkness.

Most people are afraid of the dark because of what seems to linger in the state. I love the dark because of that reason. It reminds me of the world and how it works. Isn't the world the same with the dark? We do not know what lingers in the state.

This piece, this movement made me realize that it is not fire and ice but rather darkness and ice. This just made me realize that my heart is this movement. Moves at an adagio pace and the sound is rich but the undertones are dark and cold. Passion is passion, after all.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. So, this is what the cold air feels like. It soothes my lungs but it hurts the back of my throat. I have to go back inside. I walk towards my door, remove my boots and slowly remove my coat. I left my door open for five minutes and let the cold come in. It seems more like a farewell than a greeting.

I slowly closed the door. Now, this feels more like a greeting than a farewell.

III. Allegro, ma non tanto

It is not the same for everyone, loving or being loved. But what is the same for everyone is the cycle of seasons. Maybe for some it starts with spring and ends in winter, or for some it starts in summer and ends in the spring, or how it starts on spring and ends when the next spring comes. However, everyone gets to witness these seasons unravel before their very eyes.

Some think it is an opportunity to change or continue to stay the same as they are. Even with the changes of season, the season of my heart stays on the cold of winter. I do not do this intentionally but it seems like it is like that. I do not mind. I do not mind, not one bit.

Familiarity is comfort, after all. I have gotten used to the familiarity of the cold, once the warmth steps in, I get suffocated. I am not going to give Eddy a lie about how we would still be with each other in a nice life because I do not believe in a nice life. I only believe in the life that I am given now.

I am now opening the door to bid my farewell. I make sure to never close it so the cold does not stop coming. I am saying goodbye to make everything easier now. I am saying goodbye to let myself be free on the winter. I do not close the door to my heart to let the blizzard and the cold air of winter enter my sanctuary.

The cold air goes on and on and on and on and never makes my heart full.