Meant For You

KEVIN 1.13

"I don't want to meddle on your personal problem but if you need someone to talk to right now. I'm available." James said.

"How can I talk to you when every time I see you my heart breaks? How can I talk to you when I know deep down I still want to be with you? How can I talk to you?" I asked him and he just stood there silent. "I thought so. I understand that you're straight and we'll never have a chance so just leave me be." I said and walked away but he grabbed me by my hand. His grip was strong and firm. It's as if he's asking me to stay.

"You don't understand." He said.

"What don't I understand? Tell me because for the past month I don't understand why. Why you suddenly stopped talking to me. Why did you start avoiding me. Make me understand because all I have are questions." I vented out with my voice louder than usual. He was silent. Honestly I wasn't expecting any answers but this is reopening the already closing wounds. I tried to free myself from his hold but he refused to let me go. "If you have nothing to say please let me go." I told him.

"I'm sorry but as much as you are. I also have questions to myself. I'm not sure why I am feeling this way. You said it yourself we're both guys but why am I feeling this way then. I tried avoiding this feelings but I can't." James said.

"What are you saying?" I asked dumbfounded.

"When I heard your friend confess to you. I thought I was gonna lose you. I was scared that you'll forget me before I could figure out what am I feeling for you. Honestly I don't know what this is but all I know is I wanted to be near you." He said looking at me straight in my eyes. I was caught off guard. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I wanted to hear this all this time but now that I'm hearing it. I was speechless. "You don't have to say anything right now but I just want you to know that." He said and finally letting go on my hands. He looked at me and I fell in love again. I could feel his breathe as he close the distance between us. My heart started pounding uncontrollably. My hands started shaking but lips, my lips is waiting for the inevitable kiss. His lips were just an inch away when we heard a group of students going our way. He pulled back and smiled. He chuck awkwardly then said, "Let's go see the lighting of the Christmas tree." I took my camera and snapped a picture of him. "Remembrance." I said. We then went to where everyone was gathered. I saw Eric and Margaret so I grabbed James. I asked where Elizabeth and Fred are but sadly they didn't see them. I wanted to look for them but it's probably best if I keep my distance for awhile. There was a performance from each department before the lighting of the Christmas tree and in that time I had already taken pictures of James happily cheering with the crowd. When the count down begun everyone started shouting in anticipation. Then as the countdown reached zero the Christmas tree glowed in different colors. It was a spectacular sight but I found something more beautiful than the dancing lights. It is the sparkling eyes of James and his wide smile. It only happened for a short moment but it will be forever etched in my memory. I was so caught up with joy that I forgot to take pictures of it. Just how magical can love be? I asked myself. At the end of the event James and I ate dinner together like we used to. Eric and Margaret had to go already so they weren't able to join us. I tried contacting Elizabeth and Fred but I couldn't reach them. Aside from them everything went back to how it normally is. James and I went home together. 

"We don't have classes tomorrow can you accompany me? I need to buy something." James asked me before I entered my room.

"I'm free tomorrow." I replied. "By the way, is this a date?" I teased him.

"No." He replied with annoyance written all over his face. He then smiled sarcastically then left me. I just smiled and was glad we're talking to each other again.