Second chances

Chapter 28

 TW: SH, ED

After the whole hugging me thing things between Noah and me got weird again. A few minutes after he hugged me he told me I quote 'That never happened'. The whole situation was so weird I just said of course and he was gone. Just cringe.

I'm currently in a bathroom in the library were I never see any people. Like never that's why this place turned into my secret smoking spot. I'm still not smoking weed alone really which is good because my urge for drugs is getting worse every day. No that's wrong every minute. But here I am smoking cigarettes in a bathroom at the window.

It's surprisingly easy to get them even at this weird ass school. Last week I caught some younger boys smoking and I made a deal with them. Apparently they have someone that smuggles them in for them. But to be honest I don't care were they get them from main thing is that I have them.

Taking another hit I think about what happened earlier with Lucy. Yes I do have anger issues but what exactly made me flip out like this? Definitely not her calling me stupid or a whore. I know who I am. Ugly a little more since my appearance has been an issue of mine for a while now. But her calling me fat was too much I realize.

When I was 10 maybe 11 years old I got more chubby I probably never was extremely fat but I was overweight that is clear. I tried diets and more diets. I tried trowing up my food everything. In the end I just try to never eat. I love food but I don't want to feel ugly and I don't even deserve food. I mean look at me a depressed addict at an school for problematic teens...

I look at the cigarette in my hand which is close to completly burnt down and put it on my hand. Physical pain releases psychological pain. That's what I learned to make myself feel better with. Hurting and starving myself or taking drugs to feel nothing anymore...

END TW

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Because I'm known for skipping classes and all this I had someone make sure that I attend therapy class this Thursday. So here I am sitting alone in a chair circle ten minutes before the actual thing is supposed to start.

Fiddeling with my bracelets I look out of the window. I hope this whole thing is going to be over really soon. After everything that happened the last days fuck basically everything that happened since I came here I'm at a point where I won't deal with any new shit. Suddenly the door opens and a teacher walks in.

"So you're the Olivia Sommer... What a honor to finally meet you.", he chuggles while putting his stuff next to one of the chairs.

"Mr. Connor.", he holds his hand out and I shake it. "I heard you don't really want to be here but it's not as shitty as everyone says.", I only nod not feeling much better despite his effort.

As he sits down the door opens and two boys I already know come in. Luckily Austin and Tyler aren't with Noah so he probably skips todays class like last week.

Slowly the room fills with people while I remain silently fiddling with my bracelets. Everyone takes a seat in the chair circle and I count around ten people not including Mr. Connor and myself. Two chairs remain empty even after the bell announces the begin of this class.

"Alright guys before we start does anyone know something about the missing people?", Mr. Connor starts looking at a list.

"Anastasia is sick today.", a red haired girl answers. So far I know no-one other then Austin and Tyler.

"Okay thank you Giselle. What about Noah?", he looks at Noahs friends but they just shrug their shoulders.

"Okay I'll take a look at that later. Let's start with a little introduction since we have someone new here today. Everyone says their name and... mh how about your favorite color. Olivia please start.", Mr. Connor looks at me and I notice everyone else also looking. What a really uncomfortable situation.