I Deserve This - (A Tom x SuicidalTord Fanfic)

Chapter 4

Tom's POV

I had to wait in the waiting room with Edd and Matt for what seemed like forever. I jumped to my feet when the nurse came through the door. "Edd, Matt, and Tom?" We all nodded. "Tord Larson attempted."

We quickly follow the nurse to Tord's room. I bolted through the door and sat next to him. I held his hand. I let my tears fall as Edd came up behind me and patted my back.

Tord's POV

When I came to, the first thing I saw was Tom gripping my hand and in tears. I wanted to hug him. To let him know I was here. But I couldn't move or speak. I squeezed his hand with what strength I had and he looked up. I smiled at him and he threw himself on top of me in a hug. Edd and Matt did the same.

When he let go, his cheek barely brushed mine and we both blushed and looked away.

1 Week Later

Back at the apartment, I couldn't stop cutting. I had to cut my thighs, because Tom checked my arms daily.

One night as I cut myself, I've had enough. The voices in my head became too much.

You're a burden.
You're worthless.
You should die.
You deserve to die.
Stupid communist pig.
They don't forgive you.
They pity you.
You don't belong in this world.

Good thing I kept a gun under the couch cushions. I pulled the gun out, loaded it, and dropped it. Shit. It went off. There was a scurrying outside my upstairs and Tom bursted out of his room. "What the hell were you thinking?!" He yelled as he ran over and embraced me.  I buried my face in his chest as I sobbed.

"Just admit it. You don't forgive me. None of you do. You pity me, and I'm just a burden. I should have never been in that alleyway that night."

"No, no Tord. I'm glad you're back. You've made everyone happier since we found you. Don't ever think that you're a burden. You're a blessing. You're my sunshine and lolipops."

I pulled away and gave him a dirty look at that last statement. He just laughed. "Come on. We'll share a bed tonight." I blushed at that, and he carefully led me to his room.

3:00 AM

I woke up in a cold sweat as I realized I just had another nightmare. Unable to hold anything back out of shock, I started crying uncontrollably. I had to bite my pillow to keep quiet, but my quaking shook the bed. I hear rustling on the other side of the bed, and then warm arms embracing me. Tom held me close, whispering soothingly as he pet my hair. This surprisingly calmed me down. I actually felt safe in his arms. Finally relaxing, I found myself falling asleep.

Tom's POV

After Tord fell asleep in my arms I never let him go. I was afraid. Afraid that I'd lose him if I did let him go. I kissed his forehead as he snuggled into the crook of my neck. "I know I don't say this enough. But I love you." I brushed his hair out of his face and embraced him as I fell asleep.