Save Me

FORTYNINE

It's been 3 hours since I put my heart on the line. 

3 hours since I heard Rhydian's pain-filled growl echo throughout the forest. I've looked everywhere for him but it's like he's vanished. I know I said I'd wait for him to decide but there's nothing I hate more than the unknown. I want to know how he's feeling, what he wants to do. I just want to see him. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. 

"Don't worry, Amaris. He'll come back with his tail between his legs." Ezra chuckled. I ignored him and stared forward. "What happened? Did you argue?" Lucas questioned, staring at the broken desk. I felt bad, he'd destroyed his office because of me. "He knows about Noah." I deadpanned, not taking my eyes off the wall in front of me. Lucas gasped and rushed over to me. He sat next to me and grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him. 

"How did he take it?" He asked, nervously. I glared at him, "Well, he's not here if he?" I questioned, well more like stated. "He's probably just blowing off some steam, Amaris." He cautioned. "It's not an easy thing to hear." He nodded. I took a deep breath and looked away, "No, but what if the thought of not being able to have a pup was too much for him?" I whispered. I was aware that Ezra was stood shuffling through some papers pretending not to listen, but right now I didn't care who knew. 

"I haven't known Rhydian for that long but I know he won't care. Plus that's not a definite, you still might be able to." He mentioned. Noah was mated and had marked some she-wolf, what he did to me damaged more than my mental health. He scarred something inside of me, I didn't really listen to the doctor after it happened but I got the gist of it.

"I don't know what happened, Amaris and I promise I was trying not to listen, but I have known Rhydian my whole life and whatever has happened won't change how he feels about you." Ezra chimed in. I huffed and chuckled a little, "How he feels about me... How can he feel anything for me?" I snapped, "I haven't given him anything but grief. I hid from him." I groaned. 

"Amaris, on the off chance you might rip my head off... You don't know much about a mate bond. His feelings were triggered ever since you arrived. Yes, he couldn't sense you. But he felt something, anyone could see that. He knew something was different." Lucas explained. "He loves you, Amaris." Ezra nodded like he was agreeing with himself. 

I laughed and shook my head, "No, he couldn't possibly love me. He met me 6 days ago and the majority of those days I ignored him." I rolled my eyes. Ezra sighed loudly, "You were made for him, the other half to his soul. The mate bond heightens everything. When you were fighting against him, he was probably falling in love with you." Ezra added again. I shook my head and chuckled. "He's right, Amaris. Elijah told me he loved me 2 days after we met." Lucas admitted. I glanced at him and smiled, "Yes because you both wanted the bond and you both welcomed it." I took a deep breath, "I did everything I could to avoid the bond." I laid my head back against the sofa and closed my eyes.

Lucas sighed frustratedly then grabbed my hands. "Amaris, have you tried reaching out to him?" He asked. I opened one eye and glanced at him, "Yes, I couldn't get through to him." I sighed. "Try again," Ezra spoke, looking out of the window. 

"Are you ok?" I asked Rhydian through our link. I waited for a reply but it didn't come. I sucked in a breath as my lip started quivering. 

'Rory?'

'I'm here. Don't worry, whatever happens, you'll always have me.' Aurora replied. 

'I'm sorry I'm the reason Rhydian doesn't want us.' I whimpered.

I can't deal with this... I don't know how to deal with this. I've been hurt before, but it felt nothing like this. It feels like my heart is literally breaking. I never should have gotten close to him, I should have kept him away. This is my fault... This is all my fault. 

I pulled my hands from Lucas and stood up. "Where are you going?" Lucas asked, standing up. I couldn't breathe, I was sucking in breaths of air but I couldn't get enough. "Amaris, you need to calm down." He sounded far away, I whipped my head in his direction and he was right in front of me. "Amaris." He cautioned. "Ezra, you need to get out of here and see if you can find Rhydian and get him back here." He shuddered, trying to sound calm. 

Ezra hurried out of the office and Lucas backed away. I frowned at him and tilted my head. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm just giving you some space." He smiled, but his eyes betrayed him. He was scared. I glanced around the office until my eyes landed on a small circular mirror. I went over and looked at myself. My eyes were glowing red. My Dark Wolf was out but I was still in control. 

I turned to face Lucas and he jumped at my sudden movement. "I'm still in control," I announced sounding a little confused. His eyes went wide and he stepped forward. "You are?" He urged. I nodded and smiled at him. He came towards me quicker and stopped in front of me. He gazed at me, "I've never been this close to you before with your eyes red." He chuckled, "They're beautiful, Amaris." His voice was full of awe.

I still don't understand my wolf. It's confusing because Aurora disappears too when the Dark Wolf comes out. It's like I have a new lease on life. The hurt has gone... All the hurt. My mind feels clearer than it has in years.

"How are you feeling? Are you ok? Do you feel any different?" Lucas fired questions at me. I chuckled and grinned at him. "Luc, I'm fine." He raised his brow at me, not looking convinced. "Everything is good, I promise." I smiled. "But your eyes are still red." He shrugged.

I turned and glanced in the mirror. He's right, my eyes aren't glowing now but they're still red. I liked the reflection staring back at me, she looked like the old me except the eyes. There was no feeling disgusted when I looked at myself. The thought of Brett and Noah didn't make me sick to my stomach, I just didn't feel anything. I couldn't see Aurora in my mind but I could feel her. I knew she was still here.

"You can change back now, right?" Lucas asked. I shrugged still looking in the mirror. I'm not sure how to change back and I'm not sure I want to. My past seems insignificant now, I don't ever want to feel that helpless and not in control again.

I feel powerful and I'm in control... I'm in full control for the first time in my life and I'll be damned if I ever lose this feeling. I decide my future.

My future is here with or without Rhydian. If he can't accept me for who I am then it's his loss.