CODE OCEAN

Chapter 17: A cry for help

It's been three months since I lost Rob. I'm back in the UK now, my shoulder is still bad and I didn't pass a psychological examination to continue my work. My physio therapist has been visiting every three days to help my shoulder and I've been seeing a shrink. Well I visited when I was sober; which wasn't often.
I haven't seen Billie or her family since that day, I broke my phone in anger and got a new one with a new number so I couldn't contact her, part of me wanted it that way.  Not because I don't ever want to see her again, as far as I'm concerned we are still together, I just need space and she is respecting that.
She only recently started her tour back up, I only know this because I still speak to Emma and she accidentally brought it up. I'd like to say I still love Billie, but I don't feel anything and I haven't since that day. Except pain, but the drink helps with that. I'm currently finishing off a bottle of rum, and I'm very fucking drunk. But I needed it today, its Robs funeral. It's taken this long to have his body returned here after analysis and all that shit. I got dressed in a black button down and black jeans. I popped my barley brushed hair into a bun and called it a day. I'm not going to the main funeral, I'm just going to visit his grave once everyone has left.

I hopped out the Uber, the alcohol in my system now wearing off because its been a few hours. I looked and found where his grave was. I walked over there and sat down, pulling out a cigarette; yes I've started smoking too. I lit it between my lips and took a large breath.

"Hey" I said, talking to the headstone. "I fucking miss you man" I said with a shaky breath and tears started streaming. "Ugh, I keep fucking crying and I know you'd call me a sap" I laughed slightly. "You were the closest thing I ever had to family.  And now I'm alone. Again." I finished my cigarette and flicked it away. I pulled out a pocket flask with rum in it and poured some next to his grave. "Here's to you" I said and took a large shot. I put the flask back and after a while I got up and started walking away, I saw somebody watching from far away but I chose to ignore them. I got to a bench and ordered another Uber but it was gunna take 30 minutes. I sighed and lit another cigarette.

"You just gunna stare at me?" I asked the person now a little closer to me. I had no idea who it was, they could kill me but at this point, I wouldn't mind that. The person came closer and sat on the opposite side of the bench, they had their hood up and were in all black.

"Are you the grim reaper?" I chuckled and continued to smoke. A gust of wind pulled down the mystery persons hood and I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Billie?" I asked and looked at her.

"Hey Raven" she said but I could tell she was a bit mad.

"Not today Bil, I don't need this shit right now" I said with a huff and flicked the butt of my cigarette away. 

"I know. But I need you, I've needed you over these past months and I know you've needed me" she said and sighed.

"I don't fucking need anyone" I said my voice slightly raised. I pulled out the flask and took a few drinks of it, easing the pain in my chest.

"What are you doing? You're drunk and you now smoke? Rob wouldn't wan-" she started but I interrupted her.

"Don't you dare fucking speak about him" I don't even know why I was so angry. But I was. My voice was like venom and I could tell she was taken back by my words. 

"I know you're upset Raven, but you can't talk to me like that" she said and I heard the pain in her voice. "Here" she handed me a piece of paper. "Call me or text me tomorrow and ill come over" she said and got up walking away.

I sighed and shoved the note into my pocket and got up, watching her walk away. I wanted her to turn around and hug me or even fucking hit me, honestly I just needed her touch. My Uber pulled up and I got in.

The next day

I woke up on the sofa like I normally do, usually because I'm too drunk to make it to bed. I saw the time and it is 1pm. I opened my phone and entered Billies number, thinking about what to text her.

Raven

- Hey, its Raven...

Billie

- Hey, want me to come over?

Raven

- Yeah my address is....

I dunno how long she is gunna be but in the meantime, I had a shower and got dressed. I decided to clean the bottles of alcohol up so my life doesn't look like a complete mess. Why am I trying so hard?

An hour later there is a light knock on my door, I took a deep breath and opened it. There she was, stood wearing an oversized hoodie and trousers. I opened the door more to allow her in and smiled at her.

"How have you been?" I asked as we sat on the sofa.

"Um, I've been okay, just recently started tour back up but I've taken a week off to sort some things out." She explained and I nodded. "Ive missed you" she whispered.

"I've missed you too Eilish" I said with a smile and looked at her properly. She is more beautiful than I remember. Her hair is so vibrant and don't get me started on her lips which I'm staring at. She pulls them into a smile and I look into her blue eyes, they always seem to make my throat dry.

"Ive not been coping well Bil" I sighed and looked around. "I'm drunk most of the time and I smoke so fucking much." I started to cry slightly. "I always said I would never become this person and now look at me" she moved closer and put her hand on my shoulder.

"I understand. What you had to go through would break anyone. But I'm here for you, I have been here for you and I always will be" she said and I looked at her again. "Don't push me away again please" she sighed and rubbed my shoulder. I pulled her into me and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered, my hands stroking her soft hair.

"Baby please don't apologise, I understand why you did it. Just come back to me" she said into the crook of my neck.

A week later

Billie coming back into my life was the best thing that could have happened to me. I'm no longer drinking and I've completely stopped smoking too. I know its early days but I don't have the need for it anymore. Ive just finished my last physio appointment, my shoulder now basically back to normal. I'm also awaiting results from my psychological test, I'm hoping I passed because my job as Billies bodyguard was still mine. The company just said for me to get better and once I'm ready I can return to it. Billie doesn't even know that ill be returning, I thought it would be a nice surprise. She returned to America, to finish the last part of her tour, yesterday. Ive packed all my gear up and was just awaiting an email. But my phone rang instead.

"Hello" I said a bit confused.

"Hey Raven, its Lucinda. Just got your results back and you've past with flying colours, it seems you've really changed your life around" she explained.

"Yeah, a big thanks to Billie for that" I sighed.

"So I rang because I wanted to talk to you. So, you've worked for the company for many years now and because of Robs tragic and untimely passing the manager position is available." She said. "Now I don't want you thinking you'll be replacing him, I just know you would be the perfect person to fill his shoes" I was shocked, to be a manager meant I got my own team. "You don't have to accept-"

I cut her off "ill take it. I think ill make Rob proud by doing so" I said with a massive smile on my face. After that, she explained what I needed to do now. Over in the states I will go to one of the offices and pick my team. It's a massive pay rise and she said that ill be Billies full time personal body guard but will also have the responsibility's of the manager. It's a lot but as long as I have the right team next me, ill be able to pull it off. Time to surprise my girl.