We Didn't Have a Choice

37 - Love Me or Love Me Not

I sent my letter to Draco last night and I still haven't received a response, but that's normal. Owls aren't always the fastest way to get a hold of someone.

Cordi had just woken up so I brought her down to the dining room. Both my parents were there.

"How're you feeling, Blair?" asked Mother.

"Good actually. Best I've felt in the last few days. I finally wrote to Draco last night," I said.

She smiled at me. "That's great. I just couldn't bear seeing you two fall apart over a misunderstanding."

"Yeah..."

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I lay in bed contemplating on whether I should open the letter from Blair. I received it last night but didn't bother opening it.

I heard a knock come from my door but I didn't care to answer it; not even when they knocked another four times before barging in.

"I didn't open the door for a reason so why do you think it's okay to barge in?" I jeered, not even bothering to look at the person.

The person walked up behind me and the familiar floral perfume smell filled the air around me.

"Go away, Astoria."

"Draco, you can't keep avoiding me. Daph told me you realized you didn't love Blair. Let's just talk."

I don't love you either.

"No. I'm busy."

"You're lying in bed," she said.

"I still don't want to talk to you because I don't love you."

Astoria sat down on the bed and went to brush my hair out of my face but I pushed her away.

"I'm married."

"But not in love," she responded.

"Leave me alone. I don't have time to deal with you and your bullshit. I may not love Blair, but I most definitely do not love you," I growled.

"Draco, let's talk, please."

"Out. I know you only came here so I'd sleep with you, but you should know I'll never cheat. I may not love her but my morals are strong enough to not cheat on my daughter's mother."

"Fine..."

I felt Astoria stand up and walk away. She closed the door behind her but another set of footsteps came in.

"For fucks sake. Leave!" I snapped, chucking my pillow at the intruder.

"I heard what you said," the intruder said, completely ignoring my request.

Blaise, the intruder, pulled my desk chair out from the desk and sat beside the bed. "I'm sorry for telling Blair. I don't know why Pansy and I acted so fast. It wasn't right for us to step in," he said, "we basically ruined the only happiness you two had and I feel horrible for it."

I sat up and looked at him coldly. "Apology accepted but you did me a favor."

"Don't even start. I know you love her and she loves you."

I shook my head. "Daphne made me realize I only turned to Blair because she was closest at that time."

"I don't think that's the case."

"You don't know how I feel," I said gloomily. "When I think about Blair, I don't see her as someone I love."

"Probably because you've never had someone to look at with love."

"I had Astoria."

He chuckled. "That wasn't love. You guys were just screwing around. But Blair...it's obvious you two were happy, it was clear just by the way you looked at one another."

My stomach dropped slightly as he was making sense.

"Shit," I mumbled.

Blaise chuckled once again. "Feeling better?"

"No."

The talk with Blaise just made everything worse. I got pissed at my wife for no reason...besides, she'll never love me after what happened. Her stupid letter was probably the divorce papers, anyways.

"Blair hates me. She even said she wants a divorce."

"Heat of the moment. Write to her and see what happens."

"If you leave me alone I will."

"Deal. I don't want to see you two apart for any longer."

You'll probably have to.

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It was Thursday night. I wrote to Draco last night but I still haven't heard anything, and I know he's received my letter by now.

I'm supposed to drop Cordi off at the manor tomorrow, but I haven't heard a word from Draco about whether or not he'll even be at the manor for the weekend.

I walked into my bathroom and looked into the mirror. I hadn't realized I was crying, but black streaks of mascara stained my cheeks.

I just don't want to lose my relationship with Draco over something so stupid, and so, I decided to write him once again after I washed my face.

Draco,

You can't just ignore me. Not after all we've been through. I miss you and I love you too, you need to understand that...and you need to understand that I don't mean any of what I said that night.
Draco, I love you. I love you so fucking much and yet you won't even bother writing back...you haven't even bothered asking about your daughter who misses you so much.
All I want is for us to salvage our relationship and I would think you'd want to do the same but maybe you don't and maybe I'm wasting my time...all I ask is you write back and tell me if you want space because if you're with Astoria, I don't want to be in your way of happiness because I do truly want the best for you, even if it hurts being without you and knowing your with someone else.
I'll be dropping Cordelia off with your parents tomorrow so you can have your time with her. I'd go too but I don't want to be there if you don't want me to, just please write back. I want to properly apologize if you'll let me.

Sincerely,
Blair

I handed the letter to my owl and watched it fly off. At this point, I was no longer sad, but frustrated and angry that Draco didn't even have the audacity to write back.

_____________________

So I saw a comment asking for my posting schedule so I'll address it here for all to see:
In all honesty, I don't have one because I'm too busy to commit to one. I usually try to post on weekends but it's very hard for me to, so I post whenever I finish a chapter. So, keep an eye out for my random updates haha

Also, thank you to everyone who dropped ideas for the next few parts of the story!! It means a lot, and if you guys have any specific events you'd like to see in the story, comment them and I'll see what I can do:)

And do not worry, Draco is not going to cheat, that is one thing I can promise!!

Anywaysss, love you all!! Until next time,
-Sea<3