Sex and Paranoia

Chapter 8

A total of 6 hours past and you finished your 100th re-watch of the night manager, it was around 11 when you finished watching it so you were pretty tired and made the decision to go to sleep.

Tom made the spare bedroom up for you and said to make yourself at home, you got dressed into your pyjamas and spoke to Tom as you did so and being the respectful man he is he looked away.

"You know you didn't have to do that for me right? I would of been fine watching Shakespeare or something else" You told him.

"I know, but you needed a friend so I was there for you"

Did you really just get friend zoned by him?

"Hey!" You threw your top at him.

"Sorry I meant the man your secretly dating" He laughed.

"Are we even dating, we've only exchanged a few kisses?" The truth was no matter how sure you and Tom were about starting this affair you both had no idea what was actually going on.

"Good point..." He paused for a second. "Y/N would you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?" He asked.

"Ohhhhhh, ummmm" You were trying to be dramatic. "I'm married sorry" You joked.

Tom gave up with being a gentlemen and walked over to you as you stood there almost naked. He lifted you up allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist.

That gave you a little shock as you whimpered at the feeling of Tom's touch. You were too impatient to wait for anything to happened, you kissed him, your hands playing with his hair.

He pulled away and looked at you. "I'm married, I didn't say I was happy" You teased as you went straight back to kissing him.

There was something inside of you though that was making you feel so guilty, so horrible, so awful and you couldn't shake it, you became stiff and frigid.

"Tom stop!" He immediately put you back down on the ground.

Covering your chest feeling ashamed of what you've just done you pushed Tom out of the room. "I...I'm sorry I can't do this" You shut the door as he left returning to his own room.

You knew exactly why you felt this way it's because you still loved Brett and you can't dump 12 years of marriage down the drain because of some drunken kisses and feelings you were unsure of.

It was around 12'o'clock when you calmed yourself down over pushing Tom away, you still felt guilty however so decided to stop delaying the inevitable and call Brett.

"Brett?" There was silence on the his end of the phone, "Can we talk... now?" You asked.

"I don't know what there is to talk about you cheated on me Y/N" How it pained you to here them words again.

"Brett we kissed that's all, I was drunk Tom just won the jackpot and I was caught in the moment. At his house we shared a bed as he was worried something might happen to me whilst sleeping because I was so out of it. It was just one kiss" You explained the whole situation but obviously he doesn't know about the previous times and he doesn't know you're with Tom now.

"Just a kiss?" He asked.

"Just a kiss" You repeated.

"No whoring around" He sounded cold.

"Why have you got to go and call me that! I rang to fix things, I don't like when we argue and besides it not like you slept with Rachel" You finally brought her name up.

"I want to fix things too but if you're going to go around and spread your legs for any man that gives you attention I don't want to be involved"

"Jesus Brett can you stop labelling me as a whore, what about Rachel!" You brought her up again and he ignored it again.

"We can't fix things if we don't talk" You added.

Brett was silent, he didn't say a word, you could almost hear a pin drop over the deafening silence. "Look Brett if you want a divorce just say because honestly I've wanted one for years so It would be in my best interest" A weight lifted from your shoulders as you admitted what you had been carrying for years.

"A divorce? What would make you say that" He sounded hurt.

"Well the fact that you don't put as much effort in with me anymore, you're always commenting on the way I dress for work and saying it's only for attention or because I'm cheating, you don't know anything about me and you keep ignoring the fact that you're the one actually fucking somebody, at least I haven't fucked Tom!" Your voice raised at the end of the sentence.

You could hear the stillness in Brett's voice once again. "So next time you call me a cheat why don't you take a long hard look in the mirror and see the bastard standing in front of it!" You put the phone down immediately regretting ringing him in the first place and the you slowly began to regret kicking Tom out earlier.

Clearly that didn't go as planned you made things more worse than they were already and what's even worse is that you just ruined things with Tom and deep down you still wanted him, you still wanted to be with him but you pushed him away and told him you couldn't do this. It got you thinking and you began to doubt yourself. 'Why would Tom want a girl who can't make her bloody mind up?' You thought to yourself.

The two people you loved most in the world were also the two people you've just fucked everything up with.

After even more time of contemplating you gained the courage to walk over to Tom's room to see if he was awake, you had no idea what you were going to do or even say the only thing you did know was that you wanted to be with him and be in his arms once again.
You knocked before walking and saw him just lying there on his back staring at the celling, you decided to not say anything and disturb the peace, instead you walked over to his bed and climbed in. It was silence you loved it, just you and Tom in the dark embracing one another.

You finally broke the peace.

"I told him I wanted a divorce, I told him the truth about the night at the casino..." You took a pause. "And I called him a bastard for fucking Rachel from accounting. So I think everything is back to normal"

"If that's what you consider normal" Tom laughed.

"Tom, I'm sorry for early we were just going to fast and it scared me that's all" You explained your reasoning behind what you did earlier.

Drawing circles around your hand Tom looked at you in the eyes "We can go at whatever pace you want to" He spoke as he inched closer and closer to your face.