I'm Tired

Chapter 11: Heartbroken

Probably my favorite chapter besides the fluff. Ijekiel lovers click off

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Ijekiel Pov

The princess invited me to have tea with her in a field of yellow tulips.

I was so excited to be with the princess. I wonder what she called me for.

"Do you have a lover?" She asked bashfully.

"No, but I do admire someone." I say it with a stutter with a slight blush on my face.

"Oh, really? You're a man. I would like to ask you what you would like to receive from a woman. I'm asking you since you are a man and I-I would like to know what a man likes if they can practically have anything." Her eyes looked dreamy, and full of love as she stuttered.

That one sentence broke me. The implication was there. Her expression left me lost. Despite us being feet apart, I felt miles away from her. She has a lover. She wasn't even discreet about it.

"What does he like?" My voice was a bit strained.

"He likes breathing..." She says, full of annoyance.

"Huh?" What kind of man does she like?

"...but he's also so talented when it comes to magic- and don't tell him I said this, but he's also really cute.." As she kept rambling on and on, I felt more and more distant from her. This man is the total opposite of me. Ebony black hair, a sorcerer, ruby red eyes.. also a stupid amount of smart, apparently. The same man who interrupted me from asking her for a dance. 

How did I not know? She didn't accept him out of courtesy. I saw her eyes shine so brightly but I decided to not notice.

And the princess was head over heels for him. I heard something crack.

The sound of my heart breaking into pieces. It was one-sided love.

There was a lot of 'What ifs?' too.

I was questioning myself. Was I not handsome enough? Would this happen if I had the courage to speak with her? Was my love not enough for her...? Did she even know she was my admirer?

She sits there rambling on about her lover while she doesn't even notice I was hurting. My heart was breaking, it hurt more than any other injury.

A broken heart.

Can you heal a broken heart?

I watched her, not listening to her words. I was once again a spectator. She wasn't even asking me any more questions.

As if I didn't exist.

She looked really happy. I was envious of this 'Lucas' she was talking about so bashfully. What would I give for her to talk about me that passionately? What would I pay to become her lover, for just one day? To hear her pour her affections out for another man...

I didn't know being rejected indirectly would hurt so much. I now feel bad for rejecting the ladies who came up to me with all the courage they could muster. I didn't even have the courage to say, 'I like you.' I was a coward. I was afraid of being more broken after hearing a rejection directly.

We were already distant. If I said those 3 words, would you push me farther? I tried my best to hold in my tears, but my emotions got the best of me.

"..Ijekiel?" My eyes shot up as a concerned face met my eyes. "Is something wrong? You're crying."

"I.." I shake my head. "No, nothing is wrong. I'm just.. extremely happy for you and your lover."

What a liar.

She looked unconvinced, but slowly started rambling again. Looking out over the scenery, trying to think of something else to clear my mind. I noticed the field of flowers that surrounded us, I realized what yellow tulips represent.

Unrequited, or unanswered love. How ironic.

Even the flowers were against me. How did I just notice?

I could feel the glare of ruby eyes piercing my back.

I've never felt so cold before.

They both loved each other and he wouldn't let me interfere with their relationship.

I was broken and lonely. I needed comforting. The princess didn't even think to comfort me as she believed my lie.

I wasn't happy for her. I was envious of this 'Lucas' and just wanted to kidnap her far away from here. All these sudden emotions came crashing on me. I didn't know what I was feeling anymore as I was emotionally exhausted. I continued to watch her as I masked my emotions hoping she wouldn't notice.

Not like she would notice since she is speaking so passionately. It was like she was in another world. I already knew that I wasn't part of her world. Either way, I still couldn't get rid of the emotions I harbor, so I would admire her from afar as I've always done. The distance was far too great for me to reach. The leaps I'd take she'd walk faster. I've given up being by her side. I'll wait by the sidelines as her friend. As her friend, I'll support her no matter how broken I feel. I will patiently wait.

As her friend, I would give up hope and still stand by her side. I would even give her love advice just to see her smile.

Lucas, you're one lucky bastard. I would never forgive you if you hurt her. 

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A/N: Ijekiel indirectly rejected. Me and editor san be trying to make him suffer. Hell, we're gonna make the whole Alpheus family suffer. Yellow tulips stand for unrequited, or unanswered love.  ಥ_ಥ

Thanks for reading! Sorry for any grammar mistakes that I or editor san missed! (●'◡'●)

Word Count: 880