Unexpected Promises

Chapter 77

*Trigger warning ahead*
There are some disturbing/explicit scenes and vulgar language written ahead in the second entry which you can skip if you want. Hopefully you will still be able to understand the story.

Atifa's pov:

7th September, 2013

My dear Daniyal,

Oh just look at the irony! You were the one who gave me this journal but when you were here, I never got to use it. And when you aren't here anymore, I have to use it to let my thoughts out. I swear if you would have been here, that wouldn't have been the case, ever.

You were my human diary, the one who used to listen to whatever I had to say, no matter how ridiculous it might seem to others. The one who was always there for me and cared for me after my parents and brother. The one who had undoubtedly gifted me many precious gifts, but the most beautiful ones are our kids. I could never be able to repay you, your love was just so unconditional that you never even let me feel the absence of my parents after they abandoned me. Not that I didn't miss them at all, but you were always there to lift up my mood, to tell me that one day we will meet them and ask them to forgive us and accept us. But you know… you left me too… you left me even before we could meet my parents. And after you, I couldn't even find the courage in me to go and meet them. You were my pillar of strength and when you left, I crumbled down, so much that at one point I thought that I won't even be able to survive, to live my life.

But I'm trying, I swear I'm trying my best not to give up just yet. I have our kids to take care of, I'm aware of that, but at the moment, I just… couldn't bring myself to do anything, I can't even face them because I don't know how to face them! Life is cruel, it's just so cruel! It brings us to a point when we don't even know what to do or how to do anything anymore.

And although I just feel like giving up, I know I can't. And I won't. Because I can't let my kids feel what I felt my parents left me, I can't be like them. And our princesses are so small, how would they even face the world if I leave them? What would they even do? This disgusting world wouldn't even let them live peacefully.

I wondered if ammi thought about the main question at all. If we would even want to live in this world without both of them? I knew, I knew that we wouldn't have survived even a day if ammi would have done something to herself.

Blinking my eyes to get rid of the tears brimming them, I looked back down at the journal in my hand.

So in conclusion, I was contemplating about my life, but realised I can't give up, at least not when our princesses need me the most. And I know that maybe they are the ones helping me now instead of the other way around, but I hope to change that soon. Hopefully.

Yours truly,
Safiya.

Turning the page, I read another one of her entries.

20th September, 2013

Daniyal…

Why… Why did you leave me? I want you to come back. Please I beg you, I beg you Dani, please come back. I- I can't live here anymore. I don't know how to live here anymore! You shouldn't have left, you shouldn't have gone anywhere! Maybe things would have been a bit different- No, things would definitely have been different if you would have been here.

What was my fault Dani? I did cover myself before going out, didn't I? And I went out to try to find a job, was my intention wrong? Then why… why did he do this to me?