[p o e t r y]

My Brother's Eyes Don't Sparkle Anymore

Today I heard my little brother
Say words I never
Wanna hear
Slurs
Profanity
And maniacal plans

And my heart breaks a little
Because I raised him too
That's my brother
But that's also my kid

He's supposed to be
Better than me
Younger and purer than me
Not worse

I want to hit him upside the head
And hug him
And hurt whoever hurt him
But most of all
My heart just aches
For that little boy
With the sparkling eyes
And the drool
The chubby cheeks
And the spiky hair

I love this boy
The one with the curls
And the calloused fingers
From playing his guitar
The one accustomed to
Depression and sadness
Who's learning to be happy again
I love him
And his fashion
And I love that we relate so much
But still I miss him

I miss
The little boy
Who drooled when he smiled
And who's eyes sparkled
Sometimes his eyes still light up
And I love how he calls
"Beth, Beth"
When he's showing me something
But I miss the little boy
Who called
"Beth!"
When he wanted my attention

I miss the sparkle sometimes

(12/03/21)