Unworthy

CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT

Kathy's POV

"What do you mean he still can't change back?" I ask annoyed "it's been three days!"
My son is still stuck in wolf form. I want to hold him in my arms tell him that everything is going to be okay but he can't understand me and it breaks my heart to see him like this. All he does is growl and whine.
"We have to be patient with him Luna, it is unheard of for a boy his age to transition into a werewolf let alone an Alpha wolf" Dr Williams says flipping through his chart as we look through a large glass window into a room where my son is. He sleeps on large pillows snuggled up to his father.
"How long is he going to be like this?"
"I don't know Luna, he just needs to let go which is hard for him, he is still too young to fully grasp what is happening to him but the Alpha being there with him will help him a lot". He explains.
From the day of the attack, Michael has not left our sons' side. Once the initial shock had diminished, my mate carried him to the infirmary, since then my little Wolf is only calm in his father's presence. He growled and snapped at me or anyone else who dared to come close including my mother. It hurt at first but I am glad that he is not going through this alone.
Speaking of my mother, the poor woman nearly had a heart attack when he transformed. Apparently during the attack, she said he kept on asking where I was and my mother kept assuring him that I was fine which apparently was not enough for my boy. He repeatedly begged my mother to see me and got more agitated the more she gave him the same monotone answer. He suffered a seizure then his bones began to break and realign as he turned into his wolf to the shock of the people in the pack house that they began to scream in fear.
They were scared of a little pup. One of the pack members to my mother's dismay was so 'afraid' that she opened the door to let him out. A little pup let out into the battle field outside which left me seething.
The idiocy and cowardice behavior of some members' even those I considered to be friends made me want to banish them all from the pack.
Yet, as Luna, I have learnt it is near impossible to be loved by everyone. Yes, I am their Luna chosen by the goddess but that does not mean that they all love me, it doesn't work that way. They respect me out of fear of my mate.
Michael wanted to kill them all for putting our son's life in danger but I implored him to see reason. We had just been attacked and it is clear we have an enemy within. We couldn't afford to lose pack members.
The door opens and Michael, changed back to human form walks out of the room wearing basketball shorts.
"How is he?"
"Exhausted, I honestly don't know how I am to get through to him" he says in dreary voice. "How are you feeling?"

"I am fine" I spent a day in the hospital quickly discharging myself as soon as I felt better. I wanted to see my son.
"He will sleep for a few hours, if you want we could go home and... rest for a while" he says with a stifled yawn. He too is exhausted.
"Sure" we walk out of the pack infirmary and find Melissa along the way
"Good evening Alpha. Good evening Luna" she says with red blotchy eyes. Due to the severe injury suffered during the fight, Dante is in a coma. He saved my life and I am eternally grateful to him.
In the confusion of the battle Diana, Lea and Jude ran away. They are rogues now which I guess was inevitable in the end.
"How is he?" I ask Melissa
"He is improving Luna, with the help of werewolf healing. The doctor will be able to remove the breathing tube soon."
"That's good to hear, I will find time to check up on him" Michael says which causes Melisa's face to brighten.
" thank you so much Alpha" Melissa smiles gleefully. she hopes that Michael will rescind his decision concerning her mate. I hope so too.

We arrive home, Michael heads to the shower while I go about making a late night dinner. After a very quiet dinner, Michael washes the dishes while I stand idly by not knowing what to do.
"I think it's time we talked" he says wiping his hands on a rag.
"Yes." We head to the living and sit on the couch.

"I am sorry" I say turning to look at him.
"What are you sorry for this time Kathy?"
"I am sorry for trying to break our bond, which nearly killed me. That will forever be the dumbest decision I will ever make. I realize that it was selfish of me" I place my palm on the top of his hand "I should have talked to you, I shouldn't have acted irrationally. I let my fears cloud my judgement" A part of me wished I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently but I don't need to turn back the hands of time to do what is right. I can start today, learn from my mistakes and do things right. "I do love you Michael, I have always loved you. I thought you would be better off without me. I was wrong. I should have trusted in us. Believed in us. Before the attack I had packed my things to leave not forever but because I thought you needed space". I say quickly and out of breath.
Michael smiles, a breathtaking smile I have not seen in quite a while.
" But I am not sorry for fighting for this pack. Just as it is in your blood to defend this pack. It is also my duty to ensure that everyone is safe" Michael gives a me a disconcerted look.
"You can do all that without putting your life in danger beautiful, you are not trained to fight" he reasons
"I know but I just can't sit by..."
"Yes. You can Kathy. You don't know how much it hurts me when you get hurt. You almost died and not for the first time"
"I am..."
"I don't want you to tell me you are sorry, goddess I am tired of that. I want you to promise me that you will stop running to a fight. I need to know you are safe" he pleads cupping my face. "You are my life.  You and Vincent are my priority, if anything happened to any of you I don't know what I would do. I love you too much" I wrap my arms around him laying my head on his chest, he too wraps his arms around me, feeling a peace I have not felt in a while, his heartbeat a soothing sound in my ear, providing a cocoon of love and affection.
How often has he told me he loved me? Not just in words.
Too many times I had been worried about what others thought of me. I let their words affect my life and in the end my relationship with Michael. I deemed myself not good enough to be his mate and Luna, the old barren Luna who was destroying the pack.
Their words don't matter. Not anymore.
My mate loves me and that is all that matters.
"okay. I promise I will try to not go running whenever there is an attack" he belly laughs which is truly a wonderful sound.
"okay I will take that" he says staring into my eyes.
"Are we .... okay?" I ask nervously
"No Kathy we are not but we will be. We might never go back to the way we were before but one thing that will remain constant is my love for you. I love you beautiful"
"I love you too"
Michael leans in pressing his lips to mine in a long passionate kiss.
We will be okay.