My Future Husband

Chapter 18

A/N: Again, apologies for the huge chapter 😂

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KAGE’S P.O.V

Wow, she was right, this side of town couldn't be more different from the other.

Although for me, this is better.

“That’s the dance studio and Brie’s offices. If you ever come across a tiny Russian woman, one the looks like she should’ve died twenty years ago but is still spitting bile at small children when they don’t stay on their toes, don’t worry about it. That’s just Ms Day, she’s basically family.” I smile at her reliving all her memories of this place. I know not all of them are good, but a lot of them aren’t bad either.

Why isn’t this weird? It should still be weird, but it's not.

Probably because despite all your efforts, she’s punching through your walls. Again.

A few days ago I couldn’t even look at her, every time I did my heart would just crumble all over again. The moment I found out I didn’t know her, didn’t know her name, didn’t know what else was a lie, everything just shattered.

I felt like my Belle had died, that I was mourning the loss of a girl that never existed, whilst being forced to look at another one wearing her face. They completely separated in my head, the girl in Italy I was ready to die for, and the one standing in America that was holding my child.

Finding out about her, then finding about Teal, it was too much. I had to split them, because she was right; this isn’t about us, it’s about him.

But everyday... every fucking day... it's getting harder.

I thought they were completely different people, but there's these things; the way she talks with authority, the way she plays with her fingernails, the way she stands tall even when she’s in pain, and all her quick comebacks. All the things that drew me to Belle in the first place, they’re still there, in her.

I just don’t know how to put all the pieces together! Because I’m still in love with Belle, completely fucking in love with her, so in love that it makes me want to cry whenever I see May there holding the baby we made together. I hate myself, because there's a horrible part of me that just wants to make her into that girl again, but I don’t even know if that’s who she was in the first place.

Not to mention, no matter how much we’re both trying to fight it, that connection is still there.

Fuck is it still there.

It doesn’t matter, none of it matters until I’m settled with Teal. I haven’t even called myself dad to him yet, it doesn’t feel like I’ve earned it. She’s spent over a year feeding him, looking after him, making him into the beautiful person that he is. I can’t just walk in here and think I’m owed the same title that she is, I need to do so much more.

“Take a left here, next to the big pile of rubble that used to be The Square Room.” This time there’s no smile on her face, just pain as she looks at the discarded pile of bricks.

I can’t help myself, reaching over and taking her hand just to try and bring her some peace. I keep fucking doing this, keep touching her. I can’t help it, I’m used to being tactile with everyone, but mostly with her.

We were like it from day one, even though I could tell she wasn’t like that with everyone else. With us it was always just natural. It still is, I just don’t know what the fuck it means to her.