Searching for the Answer

Jane, She's Gone April 1st

Jane, She's Gone April 1st

I've mentioned before that by the time my grandmother got to Illuminated Hearts she was already gone. I don't think she knew who I was and she didn't respond to hugs. Every day every meal I would try to feed her, but she would only take a few bites no matter the type of food. Given this, I got her a protein shake every meal to drink since she wasn't getting any calories from 3 bites of fruit and she drank those most of the time through my coaxing.

I remember how my grandfather felt whenever his cat "Luna" got up in years and she refused to eat. I also know that if someone that cared for me like parents do for their children they would have been heartbroken whenever I was 19 and refused to eat for three days at Ohio state hospital the first time I went. Food intake was the only thing I could control in OSH and I let myself starve because I didn't really want to be alive anyways. My stomach was growling and literally putting me in in but there was nothing they could do to get me to eat and I lost probably ten pounds, in that time.

Anyways granny was able to get down half or more of a shake and a few sips of juice each meal. Her liquids had to be nectorized due to her potential to aspirate and I cut her food into very small bites and tried to work with her to at least eat the softer options. Her teeth had deteriorated completely in the three years she went without brushing. At Comfort Care I tried to get her to let me brush them for her but she refused and even my sister couldn't convince her. I called her on a video call so that she could try and get granny to allow me to, but granny absolutely refused. The cook at Illuminated Hearts was very caring to the degree he asked "is there anything Jane used to eat or enjoys eating," in an attempt to try and get her to eat something, anything. I told him "Thank you, but at this point she eats little to nothing regardless of what it is.