English Channel

Vingt-trois

[THAT GLOOMY FEELING]

GEORGIE

Hey Loulou, how are you
handling everything? If you
need me you can call me or
come to my place, you're
always welcome

Hey Georgie, it would be a
lie to say that I was handling
everything greatly. I'm not,
but I understand why he
decided to do that. I'm
actually back in Bordeaux,
I needed some time away
from London and see The
Lawyers

I might be back in London
soon though... Enzo wants to
talk about it way too much
for my own sake

How is he doing ?

He came back to London
with Chris the day after you
left Jersey. We all can see he
isn't doing ok but you know
how he is, it's never easy for
him to talk about his feelings
so I think he's been bottling
everything up

We're all trying to get him to
talk to us but we aren't
making much progress

But how are YOU doing?

I don't think I have an answer
to that question... I don't
think I've felt anything since
I left Jersey, but at least the
tears finally stopped falling
and I don't feel the sadness
anymore. I think I'm in some
sort of daze. I try not to talk
about it but writing has been
helping me, at least I think ?
I guess... I'm not even sure
anymore. Nonetheless, I'm
putting my thoughts on
paper. Hopefully, all of those
pages will be useful for a
future novel, so that, at least,
I make something great out
of it 

Like the Beatles said 'don't
make it bad. Take a sad song
and make it better' except I'm
doing that with a
hypothetical future book

Hey, Lou, don't make it bad
Take a sad love and make it
better
Remember to let him into
your heart
Then you can start to make it
better

It actually works pretty
greatly 

Except I let him into my heart
and he tore it apart into too
many pieces to be fixed

But I'm not mad at him

I can't be mad at him

Looking up from her phone to stare at her notebook, Lou saw the wet marks of the tears on the paper of the first pages of the notebook. The pages were filled with words in blue ink, scratches here and there were hiding the words she didn't want to keep or the ones she found too harsh. She didn't want to hate him. 

Him. 

She stopped using his name after she realised saying it brought tears to her eyes. God, she was even more confused as to how she could have cried so much alone in her room without being severely dehydrated. 

Him. 

Who broke her heart in thousands of small pieces. So broken that she wasn't even sure there was enough glue in the world to put it back together. 

Him. 

Who in less than a year got her from the happiest to the saddest she had been in a long time.