Exit Wounds | Noah Sebastian

O N E

I don't know when this became my life, glancing between the door to the bathroom and the clock.  I'm going to be late again, I think to myself while I wait for the water to shut off.  Caleb, my boyfriend of three years, finally emerges from the bathroom.  Steam follows him in plumes while he dries himself. off.  Even after all this time I feel the tightening in my core while I watch his abs ripple over his lean form, and the drops of water drip off his cropped hair.

"We are going to be late," I tell him, putting a hand on my hip.  I've been ready for twenty minutes now.  "We have to be at the bar in 15 minutes and I haven't ordered a car yet," I reiterate, fighting the urge to get angry with him over something so small.  

"Are you wearing that?" he asks me, I look down at the plain black t-shirt dress with a flannel tied around my waist and Vans on my feet.

"Well yea-" I start to say, but he cuts me off.

"Don't you think it's a bit short?" he asks rhetorically. I know if I don't do something to show him it's not too short I'm going to have to change, or we will get into a fight.

I lift the dress up showing a pair off all black yoga shorts, "I put shorts on under it. Can we go please?"

"Oh, I'm not going, I thought we were meeting Dusty at Rippy's," Caleb says to me, like I've forgotten. I don't forget plans, and I wouldn't have agreed to have a basic Friday night with his best friend from college, that we see all the damn time.

My best friend is playing a series of shows, and I promised I would be there. I stopped promising we a long time ago, but I always showed up for my wild, and insanely talented friend Finn. Finn has been my best friend since the first day of middle school. I was new in town and no one wanted to talk to me, except for Finn. He shared his lunch with me and the rest is history. Well, except that time in high school we tried to date, it was super awkward and we never tried again. We were best friends, and that was it.

"I have to go to the show, I promised," I sigh, I know where this is headed.  The fight I narrowly avoided earlier, is about to start now.

"Alright, I guess we can go," Caleb says, like he's doing me a favor by keeping his word. Alright is Caleb speak for everything is not alright and he's about to make me miserable.

"Why don't you meet Dusty, and I'll go see the set.  Maybe I can catch up with you after?" I try to smooth out all of the prickly edges that is my relationship with Caleb.

"Yeah, okay, just don't drink too much, you know how you get," Caleb says, kissing my cheek. He never kisses me on the mouth anymore, not even when we have sex.

I nod, "love you." 

He mumbles, "me too," in response as I run downstairs to meet my ride.

As I slide into the backseat of the Uber, trying to politely make small talk with the driver I'm in my head. I don't know how a relationship that was so perfect became this complacent and unpassionate thing. Caleb and I are closer to roommates than lovers.

Truly, I love him with my whole heart, I think somewhere along the way he got comfortable and thinks I don't need him to be like he used to. I'm not really all that needy, I just wish he would say I'm pretty instead of You're wearing that?

I tell the driver to have a nice night before I pull myself from the car. I smooth my dress down, suddenly self-conscious that I'm alone, again. I'm too flat, stomach, boobs, ass all flat. I'm too skinny, and I wasn't blessed with a single curve. I'm sure when my voice cracks people assume I'm a prepubescent teen.