Him (Chris Sturniolo)

Twenty Two

Madison

How was it there was never an after you until there was? And then it was all you.

I had a big crush on Chris Sturniolo and trying to keep it a secret was the best thing to do. I wanted to stay hidden from his life for as long as I could even after someone leaked pictures. I woke up the next morning in Pittsburgh with his arms around me.

The girls weren't as excited.

Which made sense, all he did was make me cry but those days were over. Madison Blake wasn't raised by a bitch.

Maybe by an addict.

But not by a bitch.

It's been a week since Pittsburgh and since that morning, I have been hitting the books. Harry and Chris were the only two to stay that night, but getting Chris up in the morning was like getting a kid up for school.

The guys had to be out the door and on the bus by noon. Which was a task because everyone except me was hungover. I was on some high, I think dopamine, but Sasha calls it the 'Chris high' . When she said that, I told her to shut up.

Not because it wasn't true.

But if he heard it, I'm sure his head would've gotten so big he wouldn't have been able to get out the door.

I wasn't trying to get attached but everything changed as soon as I brought him to my Mom. I had never done that.

But I did it with him.

Nursing school was getting down to the wire and I was stressed. The amount of coffee I was drinking kept me up all night when I should've been sleeping. When I woke up, I drank more coffee and studied more.

My bed became my best friend. Fall break was a few days but they were filled with stress, so it didn't feel like a break. While everyone went home, I stayed in Boston because I needed to focus.

I hadn't seen Chris since he left for fall break.

And I'm not complaining because my body needed a break.

The thing no one talked with Mommy and Daddy issues were the attachment issues that came with them. Since I had mommy and daddy issues, I was fucked.

I stuck everywhere and not to the right things.

I was becoming used to the fact that Chris loved leaving his marks of love on butterfly tattoos behind my ears.

It was 10:52. The girls would be back on campus in one hour and eight minutes. Which meant I had the whole time to clean the apartment and myself.

The apartment wasn't dirty because germs grossed me out. I wasn't about to live like a hog on my own for a few days.

I missed my friends.

And in some annoying way. I missed Chris too.

This is what I hated. The missing feeling. When you feel like you're connected to someone you're always longing for the feeling of them or their name on your phone.

I was in that connection with Chris.

But it scared me.

I knew it could go as fast as it came. And I don't feel like I would be the side that would lose the connection either.

I decided to stop loathing myself and finally got out of bed at eleven. I changed into comfortable clothes and decided to make sure the apartment was clean. My bedroom was the only thing that needed cleaning, but that was okay.

At 11:45, all the girls confirmed they were about to arrive on campus.

I lit a candle in the kitchen, to get the place smelling like linen.