Drive to Survive

Chapter Fifty-Six

Chapter Fifty-Six

*Singapore*

Dylan was folding t-shirts into her suitcase, keeping note of what kit she had with her and what might need to be swapped out when she got home. The weather kept changing everywhere they went and it was a nightmare trying to pack for all eventualities. 

The clock on her bedside table flashed as the hour struck 7pm. The Red Bull team had an early flight out in the morning back to England for the E-Sport break before the Austin Grand Prix the week after and she wanted to make sure her packing was done before she went to bed.

Most of her belongings were already organised into bags but she was trudging through the last of it, trying to fight off her exhaustion. It had certainly been a tiring race day.

Well, it was more like a tiring fortnight if she were honest with herself.

Since the shock of everything that had happened, she'd found solace in the numbness of pretending it was all okay. That very next day, the fear of talking about it had overwhelmed her and she'd pushed away Carlos, the girls, and all the rest of their friends who had tried to reach out to her. The guilt she'd felt watching her phone light up each day as Lewis tried to call her had gnawed in her stomach. It was a poor thing to do when everyone was just trying to help but she truly could not bring herself to face the reality of what had happened. 

She was embarrassed.

Had she misread Max's feelings that badly?

They were building something strong, she'd thought. What they'd been through at the start of the season had allowed their feelings to grow powerfully and the happiness she'd felt when they'd first started dating was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. It had seemed like he'd felt the same as her but now she was running back every interaction in her head, wondering what she'd missed along the way.

He'd just fit. 

He'd fit into her life, becoming a constant companion who made every situation better. He'd fit with her plans, both of them loving the same sport and dreaming of future glory. Most of all, he'd fit with her. His arms fit around her like perfect puzzle pieces and she'd spent endless nights laid perfectly against his chest, the feeling of his steady breaths always chasing away any remaining anxiety.

If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the warmth of him around her, the ghost-like touch of him lingering.

Everything about being with him had made sense so how did nothing make sense now?

How had she been so blindsided?

Of course, he'd been stressed with his racing troubles. Dylan had watched him overthink, overstress and get inside his own head for weeks. Instead of turning to her for support, he'd pushed her away and clearly they'd been driven further and further apart by something she didn't understand. If he'd have spoken to her about his worries, maybe she could've have changed things or reassured him. Maybe there would have been no need for this.

He'd been too far gone, though. Whatever had convinced him that he had to end things, it was too entrenched in his mind by the time he finally spoke to her. 

That stubbornness was something they had in common. 

Yet, even as she thought through it now, it felt like she was missing something.

How did Max arrive at the conclusion that she was to blame for his failures?

What the hell had gotten into him?

It was a depressingly pointless thought cycle to get stuck in but it was where her head had been for the last two weeks. Between the determination not to feel her own heartbreak and the desperation not to affect anyone's racing careers, the easiest thing to do had just been to pretend like nothing had happened at all.