𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙒𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙃 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏| 𝙋𝘼𝙄𝙂𝙀 𝘽𝙐𝙀𝘾𝙆𝙀𝙍𝙎

𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏

KAIA JACOBS

I was scoring more frequent than usual. The aggression evident in my plays the more fouls I started to earn. It didn't matter, it was just a practice game. Nonetheless they were still fouls.

I was dribbling down the field, the ball switching between my feet as I moved quick against the rhythm of the opposing team.

I had Renea tailing at my side, attempting to steal the ball out of possession. My elbows leaning up against her stomach, using my strength to push her off my side, colliding harder with every nudge until I hear thump into the ground. Wasting no time to look back, my focus wasn't on my current teammate who was probably eating the grass under my cleats.

Devyn start sprinting from the midfield line, ready to kick it off out of my control, in attempt to block my efforts her elbows go up, pushing me further to the right trying to pry off my control of the ball. My shoulder going head to head with her own, swinging my body back hard before hitting her side. Right from the edge of the box I shoot into the left side of the goal. Walking back to the midline.

Brows furrowed as I wipe the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand, looking back at Coach as she waves her hand over to me in confusion.

"I'm only talking to her for media attention" The more I thought about her, the more I could hear the replay of her irritating voice repeating it over and over again. The smug smile on her face as she said it wholeheartedly. I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment, how could I expect anything less from Bueckers.

I look over towards the sidelines. I spot Nika mouthing words that I couldn't make out from the other wide of the field. I shake my head waving her off as I run to start off again.

"Jacobs, off. Brady you're in." Coach yelled looking down at her clipboard as she called me over to the sidelines where the whole basketball team stood.

"Why are you being so aggressive on the field today? Trust me I love to see it but not to your own teammates." Coach Rodriguez commented before walking down on the further end.

"What's going on?" Nika held onto my shoulder, moving herself next to me, crossing her arms over her chest, leaning her head down towards me.

"You wanna know what's wrong? Get your fucking teammate on a leash. That fucking bitch needs to learnt how to be tamed." My thoughts racing all I could hear, all I could see was Bueckers laughing after she said it. Her words cutthroat as if there was no thought to it other than the surface of the fact I was nothing to her  other than somebody to gain attention from.

"What are you talking about?" Nika's brows furrowed, her head spinning around desperately trying to find the culprit that sat on the other end of my gaze.

"Nah I can't deal with this right now." I couldn't be near her. I couldn't stand in any proximity of her without feeling myself break by the second. I walk past Nika, gathering my stuff and throwing it into my duffle bag before walking off the field.

I could hear my Coach calking my name repeatedly but the further I got from the pitch the quieter their sounds were as they drowned out.

"Kai, wait up. You all good?" The last person I wanted to talk to. Out of all people she had to be the one to chase after me like she gave a shit whether I was there or not.

"Perfect timing. Why don't you get your phone out and start filming? Or do you wanna take a photo for your instagram maybe?" I say turning to a very confused Paige. How can she pretend and act all innocent to my face?

"What are you talking about?" She takes a step closer to me, her hand instinctively going up to catch my own. I flinch away from her touch. I knew that the moment she would hold me, the moment I would feel her warmth, I'd fall into her touch unsure if I could ever leave.

How could someone who made me feel so safe be the one to hurt me the most?

"Don't act like you don't know Bueckers." I step backwards, trying to find anyway out of this situation I somehow managed to put myself into.

"Bueckers? Back to last names now? What's going on." I could feel my breathes get shallower and shallower. Inhales only hitting the surface before it resurfaces from my lungs only barely slipping between my lips that quivered slightly. Every inhale burnt my throat fighting its way out yet my chest held itself heavy in my heart preventing any consistent airflow to travel throughout my body.

Tears stung the waterline of my eyes in all attempts to hold in the emotions that started to bleed out from me. Only she could make me act like this, only she could ever make me feel this deeply.

Only she could make me love her so deeply and hate her with every atom and fibre that created my body.

" 'i'm just talking to her for media attention.' ringing any bells yet Bueckers. Get your head out of your own ass for once." I take a step forwards pushing my palms against her chest as her body moves floppily backwards, she didn't seem to fight it. Just standing still taking in my words without saying a word. And somehow that made it worse.

"You continue to show me how much of a disappointment it is to be your friend time and time again. Do you enjoy sucking the fucking life out of me? Are you finished with me yet?" This whole thing was laughable. To know I was so stupid for thinking for a second she had changed, done better. Been better.

"You are nothing to me. If you think for a second you're needed in my life look around for a second. Don't you see how much happier I am without you?" I could see the tears starting to form in those pale blue eyes that were only seconds ago filled with so much life, now dulled down to nothingness. For a moment I feel guilty, for a second I think about taking everything back. But Paige didn't the second those words left her mouth. Did she feel bad when she said it? Did she feel guilty as it left her mouth?

"Please Kai, you gotta listen to me please." I watch her beg, her voice breaking as she tried desperately to contain the tears that were inevitably forming the more I riled her on.

"Go find somebody else to clout chase Bueckers, cause it ain't gonna be anymore."

Those were the last things I said to her before swearing to never let myself faun over Paige Bueckers ever again.

___________________________

I felt so tired. So tired that my muscles refused to move. The contraction in my joints stiffening as I lay in my bed facing nothing but the ceiling.

All I could think about is why.

Why would she do this? Why would she say that?

A part of me didn't even want to know why. But the way my heart physically pained in my chest, strumming my heart string until they detach themselves one by one. I don't think I could even take hearing why.

How come even after all this I still miss her. Even when she's the reason i'm crying, she's also the reason why i'm happy after.

When you love someone so unconditionally and wholeheartedly their flaws and problems become perfections until you can no longer see the flaws that were apart of them. You become so used to seeing them, it becomes normal. You love them so much that even when they do the worst it will never overtake the amount you love them. Every single time you will excuse their flaws, excuse the problems because you would rather have the bad parts of them than none of them at all.

I had gone back til there was nothing left to go back to.

I wanted this time to be different, I wanted to he happy with her. But it's impossible to be anything with her when I know I could never like just as a friend.

And that will always be our problem.

Our love will always be one sided. Only now I have accepted that.

author:
obviously irl paige probably would never act up like this but lets pretend for the sake of drama