𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙒𝙊𝙍𝙏𝙃 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙏| 𝙋𝘼𝙄𝙂𝙀 𝘽𝙐𝙀𝘾𝙆𝙀𝙍𝙎

𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙀

PAIGE BUECKERS

It's been weeks since Kaia and I's last conversation. Which was barely a conversation more of her shouting at me and me taking it.

I tried everything to get her attention, I had shown up to her dorm with her favourite ice cream and lollies hoping to win over her forgiveness by the sweet treats and explaining myself. But the second the door opened it was slammed shut.

I tried talking to her during her practices and after her games, though that was nearly impossible when she was surrounded by all her teammates blocking me from any way to get through to her.

Azzi was sick of seeing me bending over backwards to try and get her attention. Telling me to just give her space until she comes to me herself or at least a few weeks before I try again.

It was eating me alive knowing that Kaia thinks that, that's all she could ever mean to me. It hurt my heart to think that she heard me that day. The only thing that taunted my mind was the feeling of her hands pressed up against my chest, pushing me with every pint of strength left within her, the anger in her voice as she kept asking questions knowing she wasn't gonna let me answer them.

Every time something good comes into my life. I manage to destroy it into shambles until there really isn't anything left to put back together anymore. I never meant to hurt Kaia, but knowing that I am now the reason that she is, is killing the last of whats in me.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix things." I fell into Azzi's bed, my face in my hands as my words muffled between my fingers.

"Paige do you love Kaia?" Azzi asked so softly, her words almost undetectable. Her eyebrows scrunched ever so slightly as she waited for me to respond. Her lips thinned down to a paper thin line.

"I love her as a friend because that's what she needs in me." I answer honestly, even though it hurt to leave my mouth.

"Okay, then just give it time. She needs to realise just how much she misses you before you guys can start talking casually again." Azzi states, closing her eyes slowly in attempts to sleep.

"Last time it took a year. I don't think I can deal with another year without talking to her again." The thought of having Kaia ignore me to that length already drained everything from me. I know time is what she needs, that space is what's best for her.

But she is what's best for me. I can't go a night without staying until the morning thinking about all the possibilities to gain her back. What would've been if I hadn't said that.

"P just give it a week at least. See how it goes, if she still doesn't talk to you. The best person to help you is Emma." I almost laugh at the suggestion, halfheartedly thinking it was a joke when Azzi had said it.

Emma? Emma Mount giving me advice to help me befriend the person she tried so hard to keep me away from? Yeah, she would definitely do that for me.

"She wouldn't do that for me." I say, feeling Azzi's body jolt beneath me as she props her body up against the bed frame staring at me dead in the eye. Her expression clearly irritable as I somehow find a way to shut down every single one of her suggestions yet still coming back to her for advice every night knowing nothings gonna change.

"If you want Kaia back that bad you'll do whatever it takes."

____________________________

I sat with my hands in my lap, legs bouncing anxiously as I wait for Emma inside the emptying Cafe. It had been around 9pm when I had texted Emma, luckily she had reluctantly answered only agreeing to meet me here unless I paid.

I could hear the retracting footsteps of her sneakers as they scuffed the wooden floors, legs dragging along before she stopped in front of the table. Her Uconn shirt fell messily over her torso, hair frizzy at the end as she pulled it into a low ponytail. Emma looked like a mess, which could only mean that Kaia wasn't doing to well herself. And that would've been a comfort to know shes still thinking about me, but it's not because I know i'm the reason she's in pain.

"I told you not to hurt her again Bueckers. And look what happens? Take out the fucking ankles." Her voice stoic, slightly raspy as she coughs harshly into her scrunched hands.

"Please just sit down and listen to me." I beg, voice projecting only between the vastness of the small table. The blonde took a seat opposite me, leaning far back into her chair making as much distance between us as possible.

"I was practicing with Kk and we were talkjng about me and Kaia. What was going on between us, and I didn't know what really was going on so I answered honestly and said I don't know. And Kk was just playfully teasing me over Kaia and said something like 'when are you gonna just admit you like her' and I just made a stupid joke about using her for media attention. I know it sounds fucked up hearing it out of context but if she had just stayed a second longer-"

Emma cut me off, not wasting anymore time as she tapped her fingers against the table repeatedly.

-"Don't make jokes like that, even if it was made for no harm just don't say it if you know it's gonna sound bad out of context. Look the only way Kaia would ever listen to you is if you somehow just force her to sit down and listen." I found it still shocking that Emma was even offering me any advice at all considering she was the one who constantly told me she hated me.

"I'm only helping you because I know you mean a lot to Kaia. And as much as I don't wanna admit it, you make her happier." My heart swelled in my chest. I made her happier?

It was one thing to hear it from one of Kaia's friends. It's another to hear it from her best friend that hated you.

"It's gonna take time though, she's not really talking to anyone. Well no more than 5 words."

I couldn't face Emma. My heart dropped into my stomach, never ending feeling of pitted disgust imbedded itself deeper into my organs as if it was twisting them in knots over and over again. I couldn't even face her best friend without the gnawing anxieties that clawed at every crevice in my mind. Enclosing each thought between its fingers, plucking my heart strings like a harp as I held onto my last thread.

"I can tell Kaia means a lot to you too. Just don't take many things she says to heart, she only really lashes out at people she cares about the most." With that Emma picked herself up from the flaying chair. Wiping her hands against her track pants before bidding me a small goodbye. Exiting the closing cafe with lighter steps than before.

I was preparing myself for the torment that is yet to come. Knowing Kaia it will soon be the worst weeks of my life upcoming.

author:
the slow burn is beginning