Mistress distress

Chapter 14//

Lucious just looks at me with a million thought running across his mind and he finally moved from his spot to come sit next to me, he puts his hand on my thigh while taking a major deep breath "Lolita, ah I don't know what will happen now. What happened to us was the worst case scenario we always talked about, I never prepared myself for that, I dragged you into this. You're not the one at fault here, I am. I am the one who's married and I am the one who chose to betray the vows". I can't bring myself to look at him and tears are streaming down my face uncontrollably, I feel like someone just slashed my vocal cords, what do I say? what do I do? I decide to try my best to speak my mind because I'm sick of always feeling oppressed, I take yet another deep breath and exhale before I start saying "Our choices are extremely limited right now, you're the one who's gonna be taking decisions not me. You either choose to end this and stay with your wife or you end it with your wife and this turns real. Lucious I can't make that for you, what I want and need is wrong and if you decide to leave her, I will forever hate myself for wrecking someone's marriage but God knows that you saved me and you mean more than the world to me, I wouldn't be able to survive if anything ever happens to you". He just nods his head running his hands over them, he looks at me with eyes full of sorrow "Baby I can't live without you and I want you, God I want you so bad, your smiles brightens my dark world, your laughs are a reason for me to wake up every morning and the way you look at me is something I cherish because you're the only person who doesn't look at me with greed or hatred in their eyes. I know you don't want me for my money or my status and that you're with me for me even though I don't deserve it. Anika founding out puts me in an extremely difficult spot, there's gonna be multiple of consequences I'm gonna be faced with if I chose either ending it or continue our wrecked marriage. She knows too much about me, about Empire and being her with the sources and connections she has puts me and my Empire at risk of losing it all. That's why I carefully need take a decision". My tears are hysterical because that's how he makes me feel and what just happened collapses all of that. I never should've engaged myself with a married man but what I have with him is something out of this world, our connection is undeniable and our love is real even if it's wrong. I feel like he's speaking to me in codes, codes I know exactly what they mean, codes that will make my heart explode, codes that will fade my colors back to black. I try to compose myself and what I need to say next because it's going to be crucial for him to understand that I support his decision even if it means breaking me. I turn to face him and place my hand on his chest building up the invisible courage I have "Listen baby, I'm totally with you every step of the way but I want you to be clear with me when you finally decide on a decision. Take your time with it because at the end of the day either Anika or me are gonna end up shattered. I advise you to go home and speak with her, try to sort things out. Apologize to her, let her know what you feel and what made you seek comfort in another woman". I know Anika hasn't been the greatest or loyalist of wives but there's history and one too many agreement between the both of them that can't simply end overnight. My heart is pacing because I don't know what to feel, should I be scared that I might lose him for good? should I feel bad for wanting him? should I be a bad person and demand of him to be with me and only me? I want him to be with me and only me but I can't in my right mind ask that of him, what kind of person does that make me?

a/n: Hey! How've you been? Let me know what you think of this chapter and the story so far. What's your favorite song from the Empire soundtrack? I can't seem to choose between Nothing to lose and Snitch bitch :/ As per usual, much love, Alexandra x