Teenage Love Affair♥

♥Chapter: 28♥

I have to admit that I wasn't feeling the same anymore after what happened to me last night. I swear, I felt like a completely different person. And not just any completely different person, I felt like I can now get into a new chapter in my life, a chapter in my life where I won't have to feel trapped anymore.
A chapter in my life where I can be able to feel free.
A chapter in my life where I'm able to finally do things I thought I would no longer be able to do.
A chapter in my life where I can stand strong, with all the strength and empowerment in me.
A chapter in my life where I can resume back to a normal life hopefully.
And a chapter in my life where I can reach a whole new level, a whole new life, a whole step, a whole new me.
Ever since that crazy accouterment with my parents back at the homeless shelter, I thought things would keep going down from there.
All that damn crying and that fighting with Tyrese, UGHHHH!! I don't even wanna talk about that damn boy anymore... like I said I REALLY can't stand him anymore... seriously, just thinking about him and talking about him makes me hate my own mouth for sayin those words and my mind for thinking those words. It despises me too much. I was ready to move on thank God, I just hope for Tyrese's sake that he rots in hell and find some other damn, cheap-ass hoochie to fuck with, because I'm truly done with his shit. I had somebody else in my mind I had to make up to.
Xavier Johnson.
The first guy who ever taught me what love really is. And every time I think about love, I not only think about him, but I think about what my parent's said too. It's never too late to find love again. It's never too late. And you never know until you try. Love is not finding someone you can live with, it's finding someone you can't live without. It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do, or how much you have. It's who you have besides you that means the most. Love is like a cycle, when you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. When you start missing, you'll eventually fall in love again. There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart. When you want it the most, there's no easy way out when you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt. Don't give up on your faith, love comes to those who believe it... And that's the way it is.
I admit, I really wanna patch things back up with Xavier, I miss him more than a lonely child misses his mother. I miss him more than earth would miss the sun. I miss him more than being away from home for so long, that you would feel homesick. Nah, none of that compares to the way my heart been such a soldier and been so strong along the way. Fighting, pushing and shoving through all those damn monsters I keep mentioning that's trying to step in my way. Really, I had enough. I can't deal with the shit Tyrese planted on to me, that's why I'm trying my hardest to forget that nigga. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean like I can't forget about him because I keep thinking about him in a good way, HELL NO. That boy always seemed to make me cry a blood of tears, throw me in the trash as if I'm some garbage, ALWAYS seem to call me outta my dang name and beat me and beat me and beat me till I could no longer stand to be beaten again. I really learned that I been a strong girl through this journey you all embarked with me, and it truly was a ride hard to hold on to. You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have. Sometimes you feel everything and nothing at once. Sometimes, you find yourself smiling, while missing some one at the same time. You can absolutely love someone, and all the while try to hate them. Life comes without guarantees, except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love... will change your life.
That's exactly what I'm trying to do now.
I couldn't let Tyrese keep BABYING me for too long. I had enough cryin', no more drama, no more pain. I'm praying to God that this will be the last step, the very last step for me to do something I regret I never done. I want Xavier back in my heart. Lord, I really want him back in my heart.
Back where he belong. He was more than a friend, a best friend, a brother, a boyfriend or anything like that to me, he was a soldier from within, a husband from the future for me, and I want to be the wife of his future.
I will get Xavier back, now that Tyrese is long gone.
Whatever I do, I'll make sure along the way I'll do it the right way.
And in order to get my life back on track, it starts with one thing... leading to the next. And that first step, as much as it may pain me and make me nervous... that first step... is to tell him the real, get down, gritty truth.
It's around 5 a.m. on a Wednesday and I have left the homeless shelter, on my way bravely back to Jayda's house. I did start to miss my parents in all honesty, and I promised them I would come visit tomorrow night.
Man, y'all don't know how damn GLAD I am to know my parents are stepping back in the game to get their heads checked and everything. I realized ever since yesterday, I have become a less evil, angry, depressed girl. All due to my life coming back to order, all due to the fact that my parents want to be family again, and I hope damn sure it's permanent. But I got a feelin, that they ain't lyin this time. I had enough with these damn deceitfulness and lies I've been goin through.
As I was walking my way back to Jayda's house in the breezy March wind, I began to think about how the hell my parents were going to get Tyrese reported to the police? I just hope to God's sake they know what their doing with the information I gave them, cause I'm not goin to through another Tyrese adventure EVERRRR AGAINNN! HELLLLL NOOOO!
It was all about Xavier now. And also Imani, my sweet poor Imani that I truly missed throughout the weeks. I'm just glad Friday is only 2 days away, where I can have her back in my arms again. Because truly, she is my living proof on how strong I really am.




Around 5:45 a.m., I finally made it to Jayda's building and I was freakin out like hell. I didn't know if this girl would even wanna look at my crappy face, by the way she yelled at me before. I admit, she had every right to do that shit to me.
I was the wrong one. Trashin up her place, looking like a whore and what not. Man was I trippin! I swear I can't believe I disguise myself just to get into that bastard's house and beat the crap outta him when he just blew me off again in the end. It felt damn good to see him cry and get what he deserves, but I realize I was stooping down to his level and in the end he just came back to the real evil bastard he is and once again called me out of my name. It's stupid when you think about it. One minute that bastard is crying and the next he toughens up and makes you cry... Jayda was right. I should have never left, and if his damn ass gang was to return back to the house, I really could have gone to jail or even worse,... they could have shot me.
One way to make it up to Jayda for trying to protect me is to first regain her friendship and trust again. And plus without Jayda, I was to have nowhere to live.
After getting out of the elevator, I walked quickly but nervously to Jayda's door. I was half-afraid she might not even answer the door, yell at me to get and never talk to her again, or even worse, slap me... Me and Jayda's relationship is almost half as crazy as the relationship between me and Tyrese. We always would fight, cross the line and ignore each other. But I know Jayda is the best friend for me, and I just hoped she would answer her door.
I took a deep sigh and rang her doorbell, feeling nervousness cringe in my body.
After 1 minute, I rang the doorbell again.
Then 30 seconds of no answer, I rang the doorbell again.
Damn, is Jayda really that mad at me? I was starting to feel a bit panicky and began ringing the doorbell, another two, three, four, five, 6 times banging on her door repeatedly.
"JAYDA!! PLEASE OPEN UP!! OPEN UP JAY!! JAY!!... JAY!! OPEN! PLEASE OPEN JAYDA, OPEN JAYDA, OPEN JAYDA O-"
"Damn girl, calm the fuck down!! Sheesh!" Darnell said opening the door for me.
He looked like he just woke up, his eyes were squinting from the light emitted from opening the door and he was in his pj's. So that's why they weren't answering the door... man do I feel stupid now.
"Oh, it's just you. Sorry for wakin' you up."
"Man you should be! What you want anyways, aren't you suppose to be gone or sum shit like that?"
"Man, you are one rude nigga. Listen, can I please come in? It's been a long road for me and I wanna rest me feet and talk to Jay."
"Whatever..." Darnell said making way for me to enter Jay's crib. He closed the door, and I plopped myself down on her soft couch, taking off my over worn shoes.
"What the hell happened to you. You been gone like forever." Darnell said coming up to me.
"Oh, so now you give a damn about how I feel?" I said. He always acts this way towards me.
"Sorry Camille, just you been banging the shit outta that door, and ringing the doorbell like damn. I didn't have such a smooth ass night either iight? Jay was soo fuckin pissed last night. I couldn't even sleep with her."
"Mann ewww, take that back. I ain't wanna hear any of you and Jayda's sex lives. Keep that to y'all selves."
"Man, I ain't I talkin about sex, even though I wanted some, I couldn't even get some. I couldn't even chill on the same bed at her. Jay was so furious."
I had a feeling Jayda was acting like this because of the little fight that we had. I just hoped she cooled down a bit now.
"Oh my gosh... this is my entire fault isn't it?"
"Well... yeah! Jayda kept talking about you alllllllllll night last night. She was mad worried about you Camille. She couldn't get you off her mind. She was worried sick... she even wanted to go find out where you are, call the police and everything. My baby was goin crazy, all over you. You really effed up her mood Camille."
I couldn't believed what I heard. Jayda seriously was worried sick about me.
I can't believe she was going to act towards me this way, it hit me hard. And now I was starting to truly feel bad about what I did to her.
"Please don't tell me she was crying..." I said nervously.
"Yup, she was crying alright."
I immediately got up from the couch. "Where is she, I really gotta talk to her. Is she in her room?"
"Yeah, but you can try all you want to Camille, she ain't talkin to nobody, she won't even talk to me. I'm just mad fed up and tired now, I'm going back to sleep in her dang parent's room where she thinks I belong."
I quickly rushed to Jayda's room and opened her door, finding her going through her clothes in her closet, I assume for school.
I can't believe my own best friend was totally worried for me. I had to make sure I said the right things.
I took a deep breath, and tapped her lightly on the shoulder, hoping to surprise her. But to my own damn surprise, she didn't even budge.
"Yo, Jayda... it's me Camille. Listen I'm so sorry..."
Silence...
I don't get it. Why was she ignoring me like this? Wasn't she worried about me?
I tried nudging her again but she still wouldn't pay me any mind.
"Jayda!! JAYDA! Helloooo, stop planning your dang clothes girl and look at me. Hellooooo.... Jayda!! Jayda!! Jay!"
She finally took a glimpse at me, but still didn't spoke a word. She soon set her planned clothes on her bed and passed me, heading towards the bathroom. What the fuck was going on?
"Okay, c'mon Jay. Listen, I know what I did was wrong, I didn't mean to yell at you, disrespect you, trash your place, and not take your advice. I'm sorry Jay... Jay please talk to me... c'mon girl please?..... Please?.... Jay!! Jay!"
She than slammed the bathroom door on me.
I couldn't believe this was happening.
My whole friendship crashing down again... All because of me.
As always. Camille is always the victim ain't she?
I didn't want to let this get the best of me so I decided to give her some time to cool off and check herself out. Hopefully, she'll think about what I said, stop frontin' and finally talk to me. I only hoped.
I took another deep sigh and plopped down on the couch. Wondering if I should go to school today.
But what was I thinking!? Of course, I gotta go to school today. How was I going to tell Xavier the truth? It's a risky thing to do, but I know if I don't tell him any time soon, he would forever move on and forget about me.
After thinking for a while, trying not to get sad again, I pulled out Jayda's photo album entitled: Jayda's Adventures from the coffee table and began to flip through the photos.
I began to reminisce through a couple of photos of me, Jayda, Darnell, her family, her ex's and some of her other friends from school.
One photo was of me and Jayda at a school dance in 10th grade. Jayda was lookin fly as usual. A cute purple halter-top, with some cute black skinny jeans, black knee high boots, and some fly silver jewelry with her hair all curled up. As for me, I was just wearing a red basic dress up to the knees, with black heels and my hair was combed straight with a tiny bit of gold jewelry. I laughed a bit, I knew Jayda always had impeccable taste and I admit, I sure was as damn envious of all the shit she got.
The next photo that caught my eye was with me, Jayda and her ex boyfriend Jayson. lt was when we went to the amusement park down at Richington Heights. It was one goofy-ass photo. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was mad chilly that day, but we still decided to go. Jayson had black short hair, had a tight muscular figure, had a cute dimple and green eyes. I remember how Jayda would always be obsessed over his green eyes.To bad, their relationship only lasted 1 month. But I know she's happy with Darnell now, he's a keeper for her. I can tell. It's going to be 4 months soon for them. Anyways, Jayson was sticking his tongue out, Jayda kissed him on the cheek, and I was laughing in the photo. Man, that was one funny day... 3 years ago.
After flipping through dozens and dozens of other photos, I began to feel nostalgic. Me and Jay would never fight, or get into arguments those past years. But ever since Tyrese came into my life changing my whole personality we started to get into more fights, diss each other and everything... this just made me sad. And it brung us to the way we are now towards each other... Why can't things be the same again?
Out of nowhere, a small tear began to fall down from my cheek, making a tiny wet mark on the photo album. And before I knew it, I started to cry softly.
Why couldn't things just stay the way their suppose to? My life got flipped turned upside down.
I would do anything, just anything... to regain back the way me and Jayda used to be, long, long ago.
Suddenly, after crying for a few minutes, I felt a small tap on my shoulder and that startled the shit out of me. And within less than 5 seconds after turning my head around, Jayda was right their in front of me.
I quickly sniffed up my tears, wiped my eyes and silenced fell between us for a minute. I had to break it, I just couldn't let Jayda stand their waiting for my apology.
"How long you been standing there behind me?" I said softly.
"Ohh... let's just say about... 2 minutes." Jayda replied, finally. She soon plopped down next to me on the couch.
"What you lookin at?" She asked.
"Oh... uhh nothing... just... your photo book."
"What picture was you lookin at?" Jayda soon took the book off from my lap and opened it up to the last picture I was lookin' at before I started crying.
"Oh... I totally remember this picture girl. Hahaha, it was me, you and Darnell. This was a while ago, before me and Darnell became boyfriend and girlfriend. We was just starting to go out. We was at his college basketball game. Remember?"
"Yeah... I remember." I said.
Soon Jayda began to laugh. "Man Camille, I remember that day so dang well. Darnell was so pissed off because his team missed winning the game by just one point. He was crying like a baby on the way home. Remember that Camille!? He was crying just like a baby. 'Whyyyyyy, whyyyyyy, whyyy ussss? Whyyy did we-we-we-lo-lo-lose th-th-the g-g-game!?'" Jayda said mimicking Darnell.
And would you believe it? I started to stifle a bit of giggling and I got into a big fit of laughter with Jayda and we began bawling on the floor as she continued to mimic Darnell.
"WHYYYY, WHYYYY US!!? WAAA WAAA WAAA!! We could of almost-al-almost-wo-wo-won! Man I'm soooo saddddd, crying like a little baby, I could of almost got it! Almost got It... WAAA!!"
"Oh my Gosh, oh my Gosh, oh my Gosh Jayda!!!! Your KILLIN' ME!! Stop actin like a fool! Lemme... lemme... lemme breathe!" I said trying to contain myself.
"Humph, I knew that would cheer you up, didn't it?" Jayda said getting back up on the couch, wiping her watery eyes from laughin to much.
"Yeah, I had to admit... He really was not feelin to manish that day."
"Humph, gurl tell me about it... nigga trippin' over a little bitty basketball game. Just over a silly point. Ain't that nigga realize if they almost could of won by one point, it still makes his team pretty much good as the other team?"
"You got a point there." I agreed with her.
"Yeah..."
Silence soon filled our ears again. Man... now it started to feel even more awkward than before. One minute we was laughin, head over heels over a funny basketball game and now we just sat in silence, feelin uncomfortable, wondering who should say what. I know it's me who should apologize, but I still didn't think of the right words to say.
"I'm sorry." Jayda said out of nowhere.
What the hell? Ain't I the one to say that to her?
"What?" I said shocked.
"Gurl, I said I'm sorry."
"Why you ever so sorry?"
"Because... well I-"
"Listen Jay, you ain't the one to be sayin' you sorry. I'm the one who should be sayin 'I'm sorry."
"Gurl, you hear me out first. I'm apologizing to you because I wanna apologize for goin way off on you last night. Last night, man... I was seriously trippin girl. I couldn't even think things straight. Like, I seriously was crazy! I was worried terribly about you Camille. Last night after you left, I began relishing my anger unto Darnell, who didn't even deserve that, but I needed someone to just prow off at. I was mad because half of me felt like you was going to get hurt and I just allowed you to make that stupid move, I mean like, thank God you ain't hurt or nuthin like that. But still, it could of still happened and I would never forgive myself. The other half of me was mad because I was mad at my own self. For yellin' at my very own best friend in the whole wide world... I really wish I took back those words. Nah, not even! I wish I took back all these bad words I ever said to you, especially on that day in school... when I yelled out loud what Tyrese did to you at lunch. It was beyond wrong and BEYOND my own power and deservingness to say something so hurtful, scarful and disrespectful. Camille, I don't want us to be like this EVER again. I can barely take it. It's been annoying the hell outta me. I understand you been so stressed out that you couldn't really know what to do when and where at the right and wrong time. But I just wanna let you know... I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry with all my pitiful, black evil heart, which wants to transform into a loving, beautiful, respect heart for you. My best bud, my girl, my best girlfriend, my true BFF, Camille. Oh, and I'm really sorry for ignoring you earlier. Like I said, I was just mad at what you did, what I did, and the aftereffect seemed to just... go a bit over the restricted line, you know what I mean? Girl, I'm sorry. Really, from the bottom of my heart."
After Jayda said that, I smiled. I really, truly smiled a beautiful smile, that seemed to make my face feel like it's glowing. I felt it in myself that Jayda meant those words. And I'm down bein her best friend forever, as long as she's down with it. Which I knew, would be permanent.
"Jayda, I feel you. I really feel you. And I accept your loving, thought out apology. To tell you the truth, at times the way you yelled at me, I did need a little yell in my ear here from there... I-"
"HA! You got that damn right. Sometimes one thing goes from one ear from out the other from you!" Jayda said laughing as I laughed along with her.
"Anyways, as I was sayin'... I appreciate everything you said Jayda. And let's make a REAL pinkie swear to never hate on each other ever again. Especially over something so silly like Tyrese. Ugh!"
"Amen my sista! Amen!" Jayda said taking my pinkie, tugging on it softly.
"That's what I like!" I said after or pinkie swear.
"But wait a minute... what happen to Tyrese? You been laughin and smiling at me as if... as if... holdddd upppppp! You didn't kill him did you!?"
I laughed, this was crazy to think I would have the courage to kill someone. Even I stopped myself. I thought I was crazy.
"Nah Jayda chill. I didn't fuckin' kill anybody... To tell you the truth, I did give Tyrese a little sumthin, here and there, givin him a couple of bruises and scars. Man can you believe that punk started crying!?"
"GET OUT!!! Please told me you punched him dead in the face!"
"Yupp, fa sho did. And he was crying so much... but then, before I can.. You know... actually really really hurt him... I told myself, who am I to be killin someone just because they made my life miserable? I was just stoopin' down to their level. And that ain't me. That wasn't the girl I know I am. So I stopped... and I offered to clean up his bruises."
"What... the... fuck!? Is wrong with you!!?" Jayda yelled.
"What!? I didn't wanna kill him!"
"That's my point!"
Now I'm confused. Wasn't Jayda against all of this in the beginning?
"What are you talkin' about Jay? I thought you didn't want me to kill him."
"I DON'T! But offering to clean up his bruises, nahhh that ain't right. You suppose to leavin him hangin' after that." Jayda said waving her hand carelessly in the air.
"Ha, wow Jay. But seriously, I just didn't feel like a normal human being if I left him hangin in pain... but honestly I should have... after I tried talking to him, makin him apologize to me... he again called me outta my name, yelled at me and made me cry..."
"What?" Jayda said softly.
"It's true Jay... after what I did to him, it still seems like he never learned his lesson... so I ran away."
"Is that why you ain't returned back!? Girl, you should of came back here! Where did go!? It was pourin out last night."
"I headed to the homeless shelter..."
"NO YOU DID NOT!!!" Jayda said getting heated.
"Yeah girl I did. But, I'm glad I did."
"What the fuck? Why's that?"
"Because... I met my parents for the first time in weeks there."
"No way! You finally saw your mom and dad!!? OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!! HOW ARE THEY!? They didn't yell at you, hurt you or any shit like that? Because seriously I got respect for older peeps, but I ain't gon let anyone else put their hands on you after that faggot Tyrese did."
"Nah Jayda, chill! We actually had a normal conversation, and I even cried tears of joy after I found out my parents are in rehab. I'm telling' you Jay, they look sooo much better than they did before. They gave me love advice, they wanna get remarried, there going to tell the police about Tyrese and it just... it just made me act the way I'm actin now. I love my parents Jay. We finally made up, I'm even going to visit them tomorrow. It was a happy ending in a way/"
Jayda soon smiled at me. "You know what Camille, good things happen to good people. And since you didn't kill Tyrese, seems like you got something good back at ya. And you deserve it my sista, you deserve it. Not only a good family life, but just eternal happiness. I'm glad for you Camille, and I'm so proud of you."
After Jayda said that, I knew she would always have my back no matter what.
"Thanks Jayda. You really are my best friend."
"But I just hope your parents know who they dealin wit. And I hope the police locks that nigga in jail for life!"
I laughed. "Don't worry Jay, I got a feelin' Tyrese is going to get karma right back to him. Sooner or later. Now, it's just time to get Xavier back. And I really mean It this time."
Suddenly, Jayda started jumping up and down on her couch. Is this girl crazy!?
"What the hell you doin!?" I said.
"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!!!! CAMILLE!!!! YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!"
"HOW!!?"
"YOU GOIN TO GET XAVIER BACK! YOUR GETTING XAVIER BACK!! YOUR GETTING XAVIER BACK! XAVIER IS COMIN BACK, YOU GONNA HAVE HIM AGAIN, YOUR HAVING HIM AGAIN, YOUR GETTING XAVIER BACK, YOUR GETTING-"
"SSHH!! DANG Calm down!"
"Don't tell me your not the least bit happy about this!? I'm proud of you! I knew you would have the courage to do it."
"I mean like, I am kinda nervous on what to say to him about what happened but I do want him back."
"Aw girl don't even worry about that! As long as you tell him what's in your heart, he's going to want you back."
Jayda was right. If I just tell Xavier what's deep down in my heart, he'll want me back.
So what the heck, I'll might as well act damn happy about it. I was gunna get the love of my life back, where he belong and I was to do it today.
"You know what Jayda your right! I am going to get him back! I AM GOING TO GET HIM BACK!!"
"So you ready?"
"Gurl I was born ready!"
"You ready to really tell him everythin that happen and tell him your real feelin's?"
"Yes!"
"You ready to show your man, who is really wifey is?"
"Best believe that's me!"
"You ready to show the world!?"
"If I got to, then I will!"
"You finally ready to tell him the REAL truth!?"
"I'M READY!"
"AHHHHH THAT'S MY GIRL!! THAT'S MY CAMILLE! YOU GO GIRL! YOU GO GIRL!!"
Me and Jayda than did a super tight hug fallin down on the couch, laughin our damn heads off.
We seriously was clowin' now. But I'm glad to just finally try to get things back the way they were suppose to.
"Oh, so y'all havin a little group hug and didn't even offer to invite me in it!?" Darnell said walking up to us.
"DARNELL DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" Jayda said still laughing along with me.
"Nah! You owe me for not sleepin on the same bed as you last night, AND YOU owe me for opening the damn door for you!"
"NO DARNELL NO!!" Me and Jayda said hoping this boy wasn't crazy enough to throw himself on top of us.
"I'M COMIN IN!" He yelled.
"NOOO!"
He than jumped right on top of us joining our hug full of laughter.
And would you believe it, It didn't even hurt that much.
We all three was laughin to much and just having to much of a good time.
Because I was to get Xavier back. I don't know if it were to be today, tomorrow, or the next.
But I guarantee, Xavier will be back in my heart.
And it'll be permanent, because I love him. I know he loves me, and cupid doesn't lie.



It was around 7:30 a.m. by the time Darnell dropped me and Jayda off at school. I swear to y'all, the school didn't feel the same.
Maybe it's because I haven't been to school in pretty much 2 days. It may seem like it wasn't that long ago, but It felt like a century to me.
I'm just glad, I can get back to my studies, and most importantly... get back to Xavier.
I know once I enter my school, I was to go look for Xavier and have one of the biggest talks with him. Even though half of me felt like I would get ignored or yelled at Xavier, I don't think he would be that type of boy to embarrass me in front of everybody in school. He never done such a thing like that, and he loved me to much to ever do that to me.
I just pray to God that stupid, dimwit Kim girl ain't with Xavier no more... cause if I were to find out he's still with her... I don't think I'll ever be the same again. I love Xavier to much, and I will do anything in my power to show him that.
I'm also just damn glad because I was finally wearing some decent clothes, instead of some slutty lookin clothes I wore last night. I'm NEVER EVER EVER wearing some ugly lookin' clothes like that ever again!!
I'm also happy to be wearin my own clothes again that I left at Jayda's house.
I'm rockin' a kimono sleeve laced pink tunic, with a pair of bright blue jeans, my pair of white sneakers, Jayda's cute black purse, a necklace, a watch, white diamond shaped earrings, and my hair was curly and wavy, due to... y'all already guessed it Jayda. I wasn't only feelin' good, I was lookin' good. Xavier definitely couldn't just ignore me lookin like this.
As for Jayda, she's wearing, of course, one of the designer clothes Darnell bought her. A Ralph Lauren one-shoulder dark blue top, with Dereon light blue leggings with white crystal shape decorations on the side, a pair of black 2 inch heels, her hair was in a bun and she was wearin a sliver watch, and a pair of sliver hoop earrings. I admit, I am a little envious but that's not going to ruin my mood to get Xavier back in my arms. He always thought I looked gorgeous just the way I am, so as long as I know that, I'll be just fine... I hoped.
"Girl, I wonder how you should first approach him." Jayda asked as we slowly starting walking towards the crowded school entrance.
"I really don't know Jayda. I may feel fearless and everythin', but at the same time, I don't even know what I should say to him."
"Hmm... well, according to what I believe, you should first start off by sayin I'm sorry."
"Then what? I'm not gunna just act a fool in front of him. I can't be doin that Jay. He won't believe me."
"Man, calm the fuck down. You're overreacting a tiny bit. Chill down. I bet everything is going to go smoothly and you're going to thank me in the end." Jayda said cheesin'.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever."
"Girl, don't whatever me! I'm tryin' to help you out."
"Well you can help me out by bringing your big self-centered mind down a tad bit and concentrate on my dilemma here."
"Ooo! I got a plan."
"What's that suppose to be?" This better be good. The school doors are bound to open soon, and I don't want to be feelin nervous now. I came too far to finally try speakin to Xavier again after that awful accouterment I had with him at the hospital when I went to visit Imani. It just can't be that awkward. It won't go anywhere and I just want Xavier back in my arms. If he's not, I think I'll go back to bein even more depressed than before.
"How about you walk up to him, and start talking to him softly and nicely, askin him how he been, what's up with him, what he been up to and whatnot and then you plant a kiss right on his lips!"
"WHAT!? JAYDA NO!" How can this girl think of a crazy plan like that? I'm not doing that!
"Aw c'mon girl! It'll catch him off guard, make him realize how baddd you want him and ya'll will live happily ever after. Just like Romeo and Juliet."
"Um, Jayda! Have you not paid any clue in English class this year? Romeo and Juliet wasn't a happily ever after."
"Oh... well.... Just kiss him them!"
"Jayda!!!"
"Alright, alright, alright. Calm the fuck down. You ain't gotta take my advice. Nobody said you had to. I was just HELPING you think of a plan. Cause that's what you wanted me to do. HELP. But nah uh, I guess I'm not doing such a worthy job. Humph."
Ugh, Jayda can be so melodramatic sometimes.
"Jay, I ain't say I don't want your help. But you need to put that plan from level 10 to level 2. Feel me?"
"Alright, alright. Hmm... okay why you don't tell him you wanna marry him!?"
"JAYDA!!!"
This girl than started laughing her silly ass off. And before you knew it, I started laughing right along with her.
"Jayda I missed you so much actin like this. This is the real Jayda I know."
"Well the real Jayda ain't going anywhere my friend."
"But sheesh, I still don't have a plan."
"Well how about-"
"NO THANK YOU JAY. I'll think of one myself." I interrupted her, before she could say something silly again
"Okay, smarty pants. What is it?"
I began to think about a logical plan. A plan that I know Xavier would talk to me. As if we were still friends. Which I hope in his heart, we still are, even though we haven't talked in forever. Still, I never forgot about Xavier. I don't think he ever forget about me either. But than it hit me. I finally thought of a dang plan. It may not seem too crazy like Jayda's but it was perfect to me.
"How about I approach Xavier, nice and softly. Ask him what he been up to, how's school been, how's his family and other questions like that, and then start gradually telling him how I been which would then lead onto me telling him what Tyrese did to me, and that I never intended to break his heart and that I wanted him all along."
"I SAID THAT TO YOU BEFORE!" Jayda said, straight yellin in my face.
"Damn, I know you have. But you only said walking up to him, talking to him softly, askin him questions part. I just took off the craziness in it and made it more normal."
"Humph, kissing a guy is crazy nowadays?"
"If you wanna seem desperate, which I don't, even though I sorta am... than yeah. That definitely would be crazy."
"And whose to thank to help you with half of your plan?"
I rolled my eyes. Jayda always like to receive some time of recognition.
"Alright Jay. It's you. Thank you for helping me come up with a perfect plan to get my man."
"Now, that's what I'm talkin about! And that sounded cute. 'Perfect plan to get my man' It rhymes."
I giggled. "Wow I didn't even think of that."
Suddenly the school doors opened and everybody started pouring inside the school.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!!" Jayda said jumping up and down. What was wrong with her? She was acting way to hype.
"Man, calm down! What the hell is wrong with you?" I said through the noisy hallway.
"Girl! YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR MAN BACK! I had been waitin for this day, like, forever and ever and ever. I'm so glad I told Xavier about you ever since the very beginning. You guys really are meant to be together."
I smiled at that. And it's true what Jayda said. My heart is half-complete without Xavier in it. He was my protection, my guardian angel, the person who wanted to be there for me through my ups and my downs. Lord really sent a special gift from heaven for me when he introduced me to Xavier. And I lost it all... I just didn't feel right. I felt my eyes start to water, but I stood strong and pushed them aside. Can't let my depression get the best of me. I should be happy now. Tyrese is long gone, it's been a tough war but now I ain't gotta worry about that fool. I'ma be getting my Xavier back. That's all that matters to me.
"You really think so Jayda?" I asked.
"Girl! HECK YEAH! Stop frontin! You know you gon' get your main man back in your arms. I guaranTEE you that he's just waitin for you to make the first move."
"Thanks Jayda, I just hope I do."
"He better give you another chance or I'ma whoop his ass!"
"Don't worry Jayda, I'll try my best. I just gotta get... comfortable with him again."
"Well girl, as much as I wanna keep celebrating and everything, I gotsta go.
"Wait where ya goin!?" I yelled. How could Jayda do this to me!? I needed her now more than ever. I was about to go search for Xavier and she has the audacity to leave me hangin in this tough situation?
"Camille I'm really sorry, but I really gotta go to the library and print out this assignment before 1st period and this is the only time I got to do it. You'll be alright until lunchtime right? I know Xavier will talk to you. I just know he will."
"But Jayda I-"
"Don't be scared Camille. Just remember what I told you, remember what your parents told you. Remember what your heart told you. It doesn't lie."
As much as I wanted Jayda to be with me, I couldn't let myself look like a baby in front of Xavier. I want to show him I'm independent and strong enough to show and express my feelin's to him by myself. Like a 17 year old is capable enough to do.
"Okay. Your right, I should be able to talk to him again."
"Please don't sweat it Camille, just do as you planned. And tell me everything that happened during lunch. See you later?"
"Yeah, I'll holla atchu later."
"That's what I'm talkin about!"
We both giggled a bit, did a quick hug and Jayda disappeared into the crowded hallway.
I soon began to walk towards my locker with a sudden feeling of nervousness and anxiety. I never expected to ever break up with Xavier like this due to my type of life and end up being the one to apologize to him for all the wrong I did. I never imagined it. But it order to have him back again, I had to do this.
I couldn't take not having him in my arms anymore. I missed his warmness and everything. He was more than I asked for.
He was my every single thing. And without him, I feel like I'll be missing out on life.
I began to feel lost as I walked through the hallway. Dang, has it really been that long since I been at school? I couldn't believe it. I know I have some catching up to do, but I'm gunna let that faze me or get the best of me.
I was concentrating on one person and one person only, Xavier. I made a decision to make sure I get my books from my locker then head to his locker and finally in WEEKS build the courage to talk to him once again.
But then suddenly...
On the spur of moment...
Without warning...
Unanticipatedly...
By surprise...............
I saw Xavier right next to my locker, half of his body turned towards me, talking to a group of what it seems to be, his friends.
OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XAVIER IS RIGHT NEXT TO MY LOCKER!!
RIGHT NEXT TO MY LOCKER!
RIGHT THERE!!!!!
WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO NOW!?
My books immediately fell down to the floor, along with my purse all fallin to the floor as I losed about half of reality as I stared longingly at Xavier... My Xavier.
I began to feel like I'm losing air, as my heart begins to beat more rapidly, rapidly and more rapidly.
Not only was I taken aback by his presence unexpectedly, but I was taken aback by his handsome looks, his gleaming smile and his dimple as he jokes and laughs along with his homies.
He looked even TEN TIMES BETTER the last time I saw him... and I'm telling all you guys...
I couldn't believe this gorgeous guy in front of me.
I just couldn't believe it's him.
Should I go up to him!? Nooo don't go up to him Camille, he'll be too caught off guard!
Should I yell at him to come over here!? Noooo don't yell at him Camille, it'll cause attention and Xavier would be severely embarrassed.
Should I just wait to talk to him later!? Nooo don't wait till later Camille. You never know what could happen!
I swear I kept playing with my thoughts, here and there, up and down, left and right, all around and around and around and around and around and around.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was going MAJORLY head over heels for Xavier.
My body just couldn't control itself. I began to shake, my legs began to feel weak, my eyes began to feel paralyzed, and I just ultimately was getting a panic attack.
I swear, I just don't know what to do!!
I don't know what the hell my problem is, but I do know I gotta get my act together.
C'mon Camille you can do it, you can do it... just pick up your stuff, and slowly and casually, walk up to him nicely, say his name and do the conversation as planned.
It had to work. IT JUST HAS TO!
After 2 minutes of just plain shakin my damn body off, I still felt my legs weak, but I know I was to strong and to much of a winner to quit, give up and not even say a word to him.
It was now... or never.
I began to pick my books and my purse, one by one until everything was picked up.
I took a couple of deep breaths to calm my damn ass self-down, but that didn't really help. So I decided to take the first couple of steps.
I knew the more steps I would take, the closer I would get to him and the closer I would get to him, the more he would notice me and the more he would notice me, he would talk to me. And once he talks to me... that's where the truth had to be blown out. The real moment of truth.
I began to move my trembling legs slowly through the crowded hallway, inch by inch by inch.
I couldn't believe I was actually starting to walk up to Xavier, to actually be about to tell him how I truly felt. I just couldn't believe it.
I just kept moving, slowly.
And I was getting closer and closer and closer till...
Suddenly.... THAT KIM GURL ARRIVED!
THAT DAMN HEFFA!!! KIM!!
THAT MOTHERFUCKIN BITCH WHO STOLE MY MAN!!
She soon arrived to Xavier and began to talk to him and his homies as if it was a daily routine...
I swear my heart felt like it was falling into the Atlantic Ocean from an 800 feet building.
But no....
You may have thought I would cry and run away to Jayda telling her Xavier don't love me anymore...
You may have thought I would start hysterically crying.
But no...
As much as I felt my heart splitting in half, the challenge was accepted.
I'm not gunna let this half-intelligent bitch named Kim get in the way of my man.
MY REAL LOVE. MY TRUE LOVE. The guy who wanted to be with me forever.
And who I want to be with forever.
She can't ruin a perfect loving relationship.
And I ain't gunna allow it. One bit.
And before you knew it, I took a big deep breath and began walking normally towards to Xavier, head high and everything.
Even though I was lookin' confident, half of me didn't feel to confident. But is that stopping me from now arriving to him?
It hasn't.
I soon arrived up to Xavier, him still not noticing me, since he's talking to Kim and I then... tapped him gently... on the shoulder.
Him, Kim and his friends seized talking and their heads all turned towards me.
And before you knew it, Xavier was looking dead straight at me again... with his hazel eyes.
I gulped. I didn't know exactly what to say, all I knew was that I wanted to time alone with him, and now.
"Uhh, who's she?" One of Xavier's friends said.
But he didn't bother to reply, he was way to shocked to see me. And it truly started to become an awkward moment.
Both of us just kept staring at each other, it was weird, but I knew I gotta give him time to actually see me again.
"Yo Xavier? You there?" Another one of his friends asked.
"Hey, I know her. She's the girl from my history class." Kim said, with her annoying, preppy ass voice.
Can't these damn people realize what's goin on and give us some dang privacy, my gosh. This is a very big moment for Xavier and I and they messin' it up.
"Listen, I'ma just leave. C'mon you guys let's leave em' alone. I'll speak to you later Zavy." Kim said as his other friends followed her along.
I couldn't believe this bitch had the audacity to call Xavier by a cute nickname, but at the same time, I'm disappointed I didn't get the chance to give him a nickname first...
After they left, I felt like I should say something, but my mouth wouldn't wanna speak a dang word to him.
But that all changed once he spoke my name.
"Camille?" He said shockingly.
I know it's been a long time, but I didn't think he would that surprised.
"Yeah, it's... me. Heheheh." I said nervously.
"What are you doin?" He said.
"What you mean 'what are you doin?' I came to talk to you Xavier... H-h-how... how... how.. You-you been?"
"Just fine." He said a bit sternly. I wonder what his problem was, I hope he wasn't to get mad now. Why can't he just please give me another chance?
"Oh... well... umm... well... uhh-uhhh..."
"Camille, just please tell me why you came up to me for?"
"I-I-I-... I just wanted to ask you how's things?"
"Well... I don't know Camille. How do you want my things to be goin?"
"Umm... well I hope everythin is okay." I said softly.
"Maybe it is... maybe it's not. Who are you to even ask me that question?"
"What you talkin' about Xavier? Why are you actin like this towards me?"
"I'm just treatin you the same fuckin' way you treated me."
"I-" I was shocked... beyond shocked. I now finally began to feel my heart start peeling and peeling. I felt my throat closing in and I also felt my eyes began to water. I'm prayin' he isn't going to continue to act like this to me. I just had to tell him how I felt.
"Xavier I-"
"Camille, I don't think there's anything else I gotta say to you..."
"But Xavier PLEASE... PLEASE!" I said as tears began to fall down my face... once... again. "I know I made some mistakes in this relationship, but I wanna make this thing right! I don't wanna fuss and fight with you anymore.... And... And... Th-th-there's no way... no way at all in the world, I can repay you for the pain I brought... And I just-just-just wanna change this now... and bring you back into my arms. SO PLEASE! PLEASE... come back. I won't ever, EVER leave you again. No matter what I do... you're just all I seem to think of."
As tears kept fallin down my face, I then quickly but gently took Xavier's right hand, holding onto it softly with my right hand.
"Every time I think about you, you drive me crazy. I just can't ever seem to get you off my mind. Every time I think about what you done for me Xavier, I miss you with every SINGLE day that goes by. I've had such a tough life without you Xavier... you don't even know the half of it... And now that you're gone... I can see that I was wrong. So what would it take... just to get my baby back into my arms?"
Silence fell between us after I just poured my heart out to him.
I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't wait for his answer.
I missed him so much, missed isn't even the right word.
As I looking pleadingly at him with my wet, puppy dog eyes, he just looked gently down at the grown, still frowning. What was he thinking about?
"Xavier... Xavier... XAVIER!! Please talk to me! Did you hear what I said?"
"I heard you Camille." He than harshly snatched his right hand away from mine and I gasped.
I can't believe this is happening.
"XAVI-"
"ENOUGH CAMILLE!" He then pounded on my locker loudly, causing many people in the hallway to look at us. It then soon became awkward and silent as ever.
"XAVIER PLEASE RELAX I-"
"ME!? RELAX!!!? HOW CAN I RELAX WITH YOU CAMILLE!?"
I was taken aback. How can he be embarrassing me, doin this to me now!? I thought we would be back together.
Oh please God, oh please God, oh PLEASE God tell me this isn't happening.
"Wha-wha-what did I do wrong I-"
"YOU DID A LOT OF THINGS WRONG CAMILLE! A LOT!"
"B-B-B-But-"
"DON'T SAY ONE WORD CAMILLE! NOT ONE WORD!! NOT ONE SHIT! You hear me closely and you hear me closely now."
I was silent as more tears kept rollin' down my face. This had to be one of the most embarrassing days of my life. And I knew I deserved it, but why here? Why now? Why can't he accept my apology? I had so much confidence earlier knowing Xavier is gunna be with me again, but it's all fallin' down, unexpectedly.
"Camille, I heard every single thing you told me. Don't take it the wrong way." He said calming down but still talking sternly.
"You wondered how you'd make it through... I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you're looking for Camille, is the one thing you can't see. I have NEVER felt the this way before towards someone other than you Camille... I never felt like on cloud 9 with anyone else BUT you Camille. I just only wished you felt the same way towards me."
"BUT I DO XAVIER! I DO FEEL THE SAME WAY TOWARDS YOU!"
"NO YOU DON'T CAMILLE! NO YOU DON'T!"
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT XAVIER, IT'S NOT TRUE!"
"YES IT IS TRUE CAMILLE!"
"HOW IS IT TRUE!?"
"BECAUSE IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GON LET THAT FAGGOT NAMED TYRESE RUN YOUR LIFE AND TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME!"
"BUT I WAS TRYIN' TO PROTECT YOU XAVIER! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO DIE!"
"Camille... DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF!? DO YOU THINK I WOULD EVER LET THAT MOTHERFUCKER PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU, AND KILL YOU!? OR ME!?"
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HE IS XAVIER! HE-"
"CAMILLE!! DON'T YOU GET IT!?"
Silence... I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect to get into this argument with him.
"CAMILLE I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU! FROM THE VERY, VERY, VERY BEGINNING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP! BUT YOU STILL NEVER LET ME OR ANYONE HELP YOU... YOU HAD HELP FROM THE VERY START CAMILLE! BUT YOU BLEW IT AWAY! AND YOU KNOW WHY!!? YOU WANNA KNOW WHY IT'S SO HARD FOR ME TO FORGIVE YOU AND COME BACK WITH YOU!? YOU WANNA KNOW WHY!?"
I couldn't bear to respond back, asking why. I was just crying to much... I was hearing every word he was sayin, but I just kept feelin my heart keep painin and painin away.
"IT'S BECAUSE YOU STILL LOVED HIM CAMILLE!! YOU ALWAYS HAVE STILL LOVED HIM!"
What did he just say!?
"What?" I said, tryin to stop my tears from falling.
"You heard me Camille... And you may not see it, but everybody else can see it Camille... I know you been tryin' to run from that nigga for a while now... but just think about Camille... think about it for a second... If you REALLY hated him whole-heartedly, why would you still come back to him huh? Why did you let him run your life for you huh? Why did you REFUSE to get help Camille huh? Can you explain that? Can you? And lastly... why did you listen to everything he told you Camille... try and explain that. And that's exactly why It's so hard for me to trust you and to be with you again Camille... I love you so much. But their's only so much love I can give to somebody else who never appreciated me the same way I did them..." Suddenly, a tear started flowing down Xavier's eyes and the minute bell for 1st period finally rang, as everybody began gossiping and on their way to class. The silence was gone and I knew everybody... saw what I just saw.
"I'm sorry Camille. But I until I figure some things out and until you figure some things out, this is all I can do and say... I'm sorry, I really am." Xavier than slowly began walking away from me and the hallway was soon become less crowded and crowded by the second.
I was paralyzed. The only thing that was moving in my body was the water from my eyes, traveling down my soaked cheeks.
I was paralyzed... I was truly paralyzed...
Because the crazy thing was...
Every word Xavier said, was the real truth. The real precise truth.
I never appreciated Xavier, the way he appreciated me...
And the stupid this was... I now realize that was true.
As I stood their lifeless, the hallway soon became deserted as the final late bell rang. And I just stood there...
Just stood there...
Realizing there's more work I gotta do than I realized... to get my baby... back, into... my arms.