Throne of Glass and ACOTAR Crossover (complete)

Chapter 25 - Feyre

After everything was settled with the mortals the inner circle dispersed, I'm not sure to where. As soon as I could leave without anyone taking too much notice I slipped into the house. I know Rhys saw me go, but he had the good sense not to follow me. He understood the need to be alone, and he knew that if I needed him I would call. 

Now I'm leaning on a wall inside the house, face in my hands. My focus is on my breaths, just in and out. In and out. 

A small noise from the corner of the room makes my eyes spring open. Elodine is standing in the doorway, one hand over her open mouth. "I'm so sorry" she says, "I - I didn't know there was anyone in here."

I take a breath. "It's ok," I say, though even I can here the quiver in my voice. "I'm ok."

Elodine hesitates for a second then says "I came in here looking for a place to hide. Do you know a good one?"

She sounds almost like she's trying to make a joke, but one look at her face tells me that she's being at least partially truthful. I can't say I blame her. Her whole world has just been turned on its head, and there's nothing she can do about it. 

I laugh slightly, little more than a sharp exhale. "Here's as good as anywhere." I say.

She walks more fully into the room, her steps light and cautious, as though she's approaching a wild animal. I guess in a way she is. 

"Are you alright?" she asks.

I don't answer for a long time, too long a time. Elodine leans back against the wall. "Oh." is all she says.

We stay like that for a long time, just sitting in the quiet. Finally she says "talk to me."

I look at her from the corner of my eye. "What?"

"Just talk." she says "It helped me after, after what happened to my family. I can't begin to fathom what you're going through right now, because I'm willing to bet that there was a lot you left out of that story you told us. So I think you could probably use somebody to talk to. Somebody who doesn't have any expectations of you, somebody who doesn't need to see you as strong or powerful or calm. Somebody whose opinion of you you couldn't care less about. I can be that person, if you like. Or you can find somebody else, but you need to talk."

I stay silent for several minutes, thinking about what she just said. My first thought is that I already have somebody like that, I have Rhys. But after a moment I realize that I've never talked to Rhys. He understands, he always understands because he lives things as I live them, see them in my mind, but I'm wondering if the act of speaking, of saying the words aloud, that might be therapeutic. I'm willing to try at least. 

I look at the girl next to me. I've barely known her a day, but I'm actually contemplating spilling my secrets to her. I don't know if I trust the fact that I trust her so easily. So even though I have secrets balanced on the edge of my tongue, ready to be spoken, what I say instead is "You first."

Elodine bites her lip. Then she says "For a year, an entire year, the Children of the Blessed kept me alive. I was ready to just lie down and die after my family died. I was ready to give up. But they took me in, and helped me until I was ready to live again. I threw myself into their teachings heart and soul, and now I'm finding out that everything they believe, That I believed, is wrong. I'm finding out that the Fae are just like the rest of us, but with slightly longer life spans. What am I supposed to do with that? And if there's no higher power here, if they Fae are fallible and power hungry and cruel, no offense, then how can I justify what happened to my parents? My sister? My life? How can I accept it?"

I suck in a breath of air. Elodine's eyes flash to my face instantly. I can feel tears burning my eyes. 

"Elodine, I'm sorry." I say, almost choking on the words "I am so sorry."

The girl's eyebrows draw together in confusion. "Why?" she asks "None of this is your fault. I'd rather know the truth, even if it means being really confused for a while.'

"That's not what I meant." I say  "I meant about your family."

Elodine shakes her head "That wasn't your fault either."

"It was though" I reply. "It was all my fault."

"Explain." Elodine says, her voice shaking a little. 

"A little less than a year ago, some, some very bad people found me. They wanted to know my name, and I didn't want to tell them, so I said the first name that came to mind. I was an idiot, a compete moron, but I didn't think, I didn't know..." I take a deep breath then say "I said the name Clare Beddor."

Elodine is silent for a long, long moment. Then she says, her voice soft "Oh God."

"If it helps" says Rhys' voice from the doorway "They didn't feel any pain. I made sure of that."

Both my and Elodine's eyes flick to him. Elodine is breathing hard now, tears streaming down her face. We all stand there, silent, before Elodine turns to me. Then she looks me in the eyes and does something completely unexpected. She pulls me into an embrace.

I tense for a moment, unsure about how to process this, but then let myself relax into her arms. Finally she pulls back and says, still looking me straight in the eye "It wasn't you fault Feyre. It wasn't your fault. You did not kill them, you did not even want them dead. It wasn't your fault."

At that I clap a hand over my mouth. A little bit of the guilt, of the weight that has been pressing on my soul, lifts. "Thank you." is all I can say through my tears. 

At that precise moment Mor come sprinting into the room. She freezes when she sees us all, then raises a single eyebrow at Rhys. "How is it cousin" she asks "That whenever I find you alone with women they always seem to be in tears?"

Rhys smirks "Because I'm just that good." he responds "Now was there a particular reason that you came barging in here?"

"Apart from the fact that this is a random room that I had no reason not to enter?" Mor asks. "Yes actually."

Then she sticks out her hand and gives Rhys a slip of paper. As he reads it, a look of confusion crosses his face."

"What?" I ask, drying my tears on the back of my sleeve and forcing my expression to be calm. It is time to play the High Lady once more.

Rhys looks at me and says "It's a request for a meeting, from Tarquin."

Hello all!

I hope you enjoyed that chapter!

Don't forget to vote and comment below!