Save Me | BTS ✓

"미움"

Hate.

It's such a big word don't you think? It just isn't that easy to say because, if you hate someone or something it means you want someone to be harmed probably you want to be the person to hurt the other, but you won't because you probably think rational.

Hate isn't just easy, like you think it would be, because you most likely say it to someone you love in a heat of the moment, but you don't mean it. In the end something can happen and you feel guilty because the last thing you said wasn't something nice.You should rather say you don't like them or it. So never say you Hate someone unless you are pretty sure about your feelings, then you can say you hate them or it.

The same goes for me, I shouldn't say I hate something or anything, yet I do it sometimes, it's strange isn't it? Why are we doing that? Probably because we are Human and we tend to do mistakes. Mistakes we repeat in History. For Example Germany.

The first world war, they thought about Power, but what does Power mean if it only kills the people you love? In the end nothing. When the first world war settled all the Germans wanted to prevent another war, yet they elected Hitler to be one of their next ruler, just because he wielded words around like he was a poet. Words have such a big meaning, that it influences people to elect someone who will bring war, saddness, hurt, hoplessnes, you name it. It angered people who were against the war, who never wanted a second to start so shortly after the first war. The people knew they made a mistake, when everything went Downpour. They split a whole nation, not only metaphorical, they later on built a wall, to keep people in one part of the nation, while the rest of the nation probably didn't knew what is happening in the other part. Families were torn apart, because people wanted to get away from the people who ruled the part behind the wall. They were killed, thanks to the guards. We should learn from our mistakes but we don't. We wield words without thinking about them, without thinking how they could effect people. So don't go around telling you hate people, if in reality you just don't really like them.

But here we talk about a young boy, he hates himself, for killing someone, someone he should love. He didn't. So now here he is sitting in a dark room, tapping his fingers against the wooden surface. A few utensils laying in front of him, he was ready to do something, there is no fight left. He may have done it to protect his sister, yet he couldn't take the guilt. His father was an alcoholic, he was out and about, but when he came back, he saw how his father attacked his sister and he saw red. Hatred took over him, he couldn't see straight, we are talking about his sister, which he loved dearly. The police didn't charge him, claiming it was self defense. So here he is now in a motel room. He desperately wanted to speak his Hyung, but he wasn't anymore. No one was anymore in his life, his sister took her life after a few days. A few days after the funeral. He had clenched the letter in his hands and tears dropped down on it, his sisters face was stained by his tears too. He could never forget the smell of the blood or the way he could see the veins on her wrist completely open, the way her throat was open and the flesh was seen. He couldn't, but how could he?

He was left alone in a dark and cruel world, something he feels now, cold, lonely. He couldn't and would not life like this, but what he didn't calculate was that it took all his willpower to do it. Maybe his sister felt like that. Just maybe. He thought. He looked down at what lay infront of him. He shook his head to clear his head.

"Why do I hate myself this much? Guilt. This is guilt isn't it? And pure hatred directed towards myself." He said to no one in particular, considering the fact he was alone in the room. He felt sorry towards the people who would find him, but in the end he didn't mind. He was about to do something that is considered a sin. Many people consider it selfish, but what if the person will feel better thanks through it? What if? They never felt this way and to call it selfish is bullshit! These people, the people that do it or want to do it see no way out, other than this. What if? I think that is the biggest question many people ask themselves. What if I didn't do this? What if I did this instead? But no one, no one can change the past. Rarely anyone ever gets to. Maybe people who are believers can. Probably.