Kaminari Denki

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Dull
(Themes of depression and suicidal thoughts. nothing graphic.)

for kaminari denki, the days had grown dull. the things that had once excited him didn't hold the same magic they used to. he had become reclusive. holing himself up in his dorm room, the low drone of action movies, or comedy shows always present. maybe to distract him from the numbness he felt within. he didn't know. what he did know that without the background noise he would've done something... bad. the noise kept him from being alone with his thoughts.

maybe he should turn the tv off. stop ignoring the growing wound within his own soul. he shook. maybe he should finally end it. put a stop to this cycle of wasting away on his own, trying to claw his way out of this hole he was in, only to fall back worse than before. he'd be lying if he said he hadn't considered it before. he had been a coward. he knew it would be selfish. unfair to his friends, his family. but he wanted it to stop. he wanted to feel something other than the numb apathy that plagued him.

a knock at his door pulled him from his thoughts. he lazily made his way to the door, opening it enough to see who stood outside. you stared back, brows creased in worry, clutching a stack of papers to his chest. this wasn't normal. usually when he missed class, sero would bring him the work, often chiding him for being to lazy to come to class. denki didn't blame him for not noticing. not realizing the state of mental distress he was was in. sero was happy. he was glad his friend could live like he wished he could.

"kaminari..." you almost whispered, "can I come in?" he couldn't find it in him to deny you. wordlessly, he opened the door the rest of the way, allowing you to enter his room. his room was dirty. clothes, dishes, and trash, covered just about everything but his bed. funnily enough you didn't seem bothered by the state of his dwelling. nor that of his person. in his episodes he usually neglected his own personal hygiene. he was sure he didn't smell too pleasant.

"you can just put the work on the desk," he rasped, almost surprised at the pain in his throat. you nodded and placed the stack of papers on a fairly clean corner of his desk, then turning to face the boy.  the way you looked at him, it hurt. your eyes brimmed with tears and your hands shook.

"why?" you started, "why didn't you tell us?" your voice cracked as the tears flowed. "did you really think no one would notice?"

he didn't speak, he only hung his head in shame. your gentle hand on his shoulder made him look up.

"everyone's worried. I'm worried." your grip tightened. "i know what it's like you know. it feels hopeless, but trust me. hiding away like this doesn't help." he was sobbing at this point, falling into your arms and grasping at the back of your shirt like his life depended on it. hell, maybe it did. the two of you sat like that, for a long time. him crying into your chest, and you stroking his hair whispering affirmations to him.

"it's not gonna get better instantly, ok?" you soothed,

"but you've gotta start somewhere, right?"

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based on my personal and expert experience depression is a smelly bitch who makes u not want to shower and sleep with a half eaten McChicken in the bed with you. anywayz if ur sad I will beat ur sadness to death by the will of my own two arthritic hands
Thx for reading as always
-sal xoxo

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