Holding Back [COMPLETED]

Chapter 24 - "Why were you even drinking?"

Sunlight beat down the on the school grounds and the students splayed out on the lawn. Haley sat beneath her lone tree, music shouting in her ears. When she had walked downstairs that morning, she had tried not to look towards the living room couch, but that was all she could stare at.

Though it was empty by that time, she could still spot the telltale signs of its use the previous night: misplaced throw pillows, imprints on the cushions. She found her father in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee, his eyes tired and his phone in hand.

In silence, they had moved around each other. Haley had felt the words of confrontation building in her throat, scratching to be to let out. As each minute had passed, the kitchen felt as if it were shrinking, the things unsaid mounting, expanding until they took over everything. Feeling as if she might explode, she had faced her father. At that moment he had looked up and had given her a worn out smile.

"Have a good day at school, kiddo," he had said.

With a brief kiss on the head, he had left, answering a call before it had barely rung. Haley felt as if a balloon had been popped in her face, leaving her stunned and unsure how to move. Matt walked in breaking her from her daze. Not wanting to deal with another silence, she had slipped out.

Even through the drive to school, she had kept to herself. She wasn't sure if Matt would have even cared about the separation that was cracking their family apart. All morning and during class it felt as if she was floating through it all, unseen.

As she sat with her back pressed against the smooth bark, she didn't really know how she had gotten there. All she could think about was the one thing in her life that no one was talking about, and how it was the only thing that she was helpless to change.

The music played on, the singer screaming away, stealing some of Haley's need to yell. Alone, she felt trapped in her own head, her mind spinning over and over. Even as she felt the emptiness around her, she didn't want it to change. If it stayed this way then it was one thing in her life that was real, even if it was lonely. Alone she could ignore her situation, but with someone there, she might feel the need to share. She didn't want that. Sharing would change nothing.

Haley buried her face in her hands, wishing everyone and everything to disappear. Or maybe if she just disappeared it would be better.

Something bumped her knee, jolting her from her thoughts. She jerked up and found Jace laying on his side in front of her, a wide smile covering his face.

"Hey, Haley Day," he said.

Even with her music blaring, she still found she heard him as if she didn't want to ignore him. But she didn't take her headphones out, afraid of what she would give away if she did. It didn't matter, Jace reached out and tugged one free. Haley didn't fight him, only sat there, unmoving.

"What's up, Haley Day?" The smile fell into something more sober. "You look...I don't know..."

"I'm fine," she said, shaking her head. Before Jace could say something that would poke a hole in her statement, she talked on. "What are you even doing here? Don't you usually eat at the tables?"

Jace shrugged. "Yeah, but I figured I would keep you company today."

"I'm fine, you don't have to keep me company. I'm fine."

Unconvinced, he cocked his head, staring at her intently. At the look that could almost be concern, Haley felt her thoughts tumbling around in her mouth, like prisoners looking to break free. Knowing she wouldn't be able to stop them, she stood up, grabbing her backpack.

"I'm serious," she said, "I'm fine."

Before Jace could get up, Haley was hurrying away, not totally sure what was she running away from.