Behind My Eyes.

wrong impression.

i don't understand how this keeps happening to me?

i was talking to a curly black-haired boy with piercing blue eyes,

we were talking for months and you seemed like you were really interested in me too.

you drove almost two hours to see me on new years, 

so forgive me if i got the wrong impression from that. 

and you keep talking about how you miss me and you want to see me but none of your actions or other words suggests that.

we made it through six of the harry potter movies and now we'll never finish them because you left.

when we spent the night together,

which was one of the scariest things i've ever done considering everything that's happened to me, 

it still is undeniably one of my favorite memories.

we had so much fun,

from trying to watch "a quiet place", with you saying "why is the movie so quiet",

to us failing to watch it because i decided to take a nap.

that was hard for me because of what's happened to me. 

the fact that i was able to sleep around you says so much but i don't think it even phased you.

then me waking up and us going back to the bedroom to both nap and us waking up and it leading to skin on skin under the sheets.

i even had fun when you drove us to taco bell and then decided you wanted cookout and proceeded to drive us to two different ones because we messed up the drive-thru line at the first one.

singing hannah montana in the car with you will always be something i'll hold close to my heart.

we went home and ate while we watched some of glamngore's videos and you didn't complain that she was doing makeup you were just happy to be spending time with me.

we went to bed and in the morning we woke up and yet again couldn't keep our hands off each other.

we got breakfast at ihop and went to the movies on a proper date and spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the mall and you showed me where you're from.

so please forgive me if i got the wrong impression.

i seem to always get it wrong. 

how could i have gotten it wrong this time?

everything was matched with the same damn energy and he seemed to care about me and he didn't use me for my body and he liked the way i look.

so why the hell has this happened to me again?

why do i feel like it was a breakup when we were never actually together?

why do i continue to waste months of my life on guys who only want me for a minuscule moment of the day?

do i have a sign on my back that says "please lead me on and then leave"?

i just don't get it.

and his instagram comments and anonymous posts are all girls telling him how attractive he is and how much they want him and they ask him if he's talking to anyone and he always says no.

so what am i to him?

nothing?

dirt under his feet?

why does this hurt so damn much?

this is ridiculous.

you ignore me most of the day now and i know you're not busy because you don't go to school and you don't have a job yet you can't pick up the phone and send me a quick text during the day?

it's gotten to the point where i can't recall our last conversation.

it's not as if i miss you.

i honestly don't.

i just want to know how i let this happen again.

i'm tired of temporary people.

i can't believe i got the wrong impression again.