Behind My Eyes.

i can't win.

what do you do when the thoughts in your head get so loud but none of them are saying anything worth hearing?

how do you get the voices in your head to quiet down?

i've tried too many times to quiet them with music,

i've covered my ears with a pillow,

i've put my fingers in my ears,

nothing i ever seem to do is enough.

i don't even know what triggered this tonight.

everything seems to be spinning and i can't stop it long enough to pinpoint the cause.

i need everything to stop.

i need the room to stand still.

i need the voices to stop.

i know it's not going to happen no matter how much i beg.

i've never been that lucky.

i have to try at sleep at some point to avoid going insane even though i already know that's how i'm going to end up.

i have to stay awake to avoid the nightmares.

i can't win.

usually i'd try and stay up until i hear the birds chirping but i'm so tired.

i miss my cats too.

i need to be in my room with smokey and luna.

i need to not be in my room but i know that if i start sleeping inside the house then i won't stop.

i won't be able to fall asleep outside again.

it happened last year,

i couldn't handle the nights by myself so i went in the house,

one night turned into a week,

a week turned into a month,

a month turned into over half the year.

i feel like i only just started sleeping out here again.

i can't ever seem to get it right.