The Patient

Twenty-Three

Raphael smiled even wider when I said my name and my heart fluttered. There was just something about him that made you immediately like him, I couldn't help but feel the urge to just run into his arms and hug him forever...

That would be weird right? 

"Its nice to meet you Opal, I actually just moved here, its nice to meet people, even though this may not be the best scenario..." 

I smiled sheepishly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry you move here and boom, right away I hit you with my car! This is the worst possible welcoming." 

He shook his head, looking like he was starting to get a little frustrated. "Please, stop. It wasn't all your fault I was in your blind spot. Please stop stressing, seriously it was no big deal, I have amazing insurance." 

I hesitated before nodding which seemed to bother him a little. 

I don't know why but everything inside me told me to continue beating myself, that it wasn't okay that I fucked up and I should be punished... 

"Do you think I could take you out to dinner Opal? Like I said, I don't know a lot of people around here and would love the company." 

"I'd love to but I should be the one showing you around! I should take you out to dinner."

He smiled and nodded. "Deal." 

He put his hand out and I gave him my phone. He put in his number, texting himself so he'd have my number too.

"I-I should get going." I said, stuttering slightly. I pointed my thumb behind me and smiled awkwardly. 

I'm such a loser oh my god. 

I hopped into my car and I found it hard to drive away from him. He was still standing outside his car, staring at me with a strange look of sadness in his eyes. 

I didn't know why he was sad but all I wanted to do was make it better,  just didn't know how. 

I somehow managed to drive my car away, not being able to find a reason to stay without looking like a creep. I already made a bad enough impression... 

As I drove down the empty winding roads on my way home I noticed that this was the first time I had stopped thinking obsessively about 32. 

There was something about Raphael that made me forget about all of that. It felt like the two men were fighting for the top stop in my mind. Before 32 took it easily but now... 

There was just something about Raphael that just felt more real? 

More realistic? 

more... 

I don't know! 

more right. 

I just hope I didn't freak him out with my awkwardness. He was so calm and collected and had such a calming presence but everything inside of me went on overdrive, I was almost trembling in nerves. 

Maybe I shouldn't be driving a car... 

I couldn't help the smile on my face but for some reason as I drove up to mine and Kate's apartment I felt it slip from my face. I got a wave of regret and shame. How could I talk to someone else besides 32? 

I'm basically cheating, agreeing to go out to dinner with him! 

And my brain was not putting him in the friend box so it wasn't like I could go out platonically like I do with Dylan. 

What am I saying he probably would never even be interested in a loser like me.... 

Even Jake didn't want me! And he was a lazy messy mean drunk.