Teach Me How To Live -~Zen Wistaria x Reader~-

Relax

I stayed by Zen's side watching him sleep. It's not very early anymore, its about 9 am. I think we'd both already be awake by now most days. Zen mustve been tired from worry and traveling still. Watching him sleep sounds creepy but when you're in my place, its really calming. I feel happy and relaxed being here with him other than the stabbing pains from that poison. The longer I lay here, the more the pains fade though. Hed be so sad if he knew I was still hurting right now.. He must be so worried leaving me again. Hes supposed to go back home today but I feel like that won't happen.
I wonder what he's been thinking lately.. Maybe about family, our new home, its probably far from a wedding. I think we both want to get our lives started already. Shirayuki and Obi have, by accident, but they have and they're glad for it. Then there's Mitsuhide and Kiki. Theyre so secretive which makes me wonder but im glad. They look like they were close but were trying to hide it while at work.
"I wish this waiting game was over already.." i whispered to Zen before scooting a little closer to him. Hes still passed out.. I gently pressed my forehead against his and stayed as close as I could to him. "I wish we were married already too.." i mumbled as i shut my eyes. I can feel his breath against my lips and the warmth of his body agsinst mine.. I wish this would last forever..
We stayed like that for a long time. The pains had began to fade which put me right back to sleep. I only woke up to.. to a kiss. Zen's kiss pressed against my lips and his arm wrapped around my waist with his other hand in my hair..
"Zen.." i whispered with my eyes peeled open and a bright blush lighting up my face. How many time has he kissed me when I was asleep? Why didnt he wake me up before doing it?
"G-Good morning!" He stuttered and quickly sat up with his hands up. I softened my gaze and let a smile rise.
"Good morning, Zen" i smiled as i slowly sat up.
"H-How do you feel?.." he asked with a light tint of red on his face as he looked at me.
"Better" i said with a little tilt of my head. Look at him getting all embarrassed now.. "What a way to wake someone up" i hummed happily as i streched in my spot.
"Sorry, I should have asked-" i stopped hkm woth a smioe and shake of my head.
"You dont have to ask to kiss me but i promise it'll be better if I'm awake" i grinned a little as i leaned forward and presswd a kiss on his cheek before sliding off my bed.
"O-Okay.." he stuttered and looked at me in awe. Hes so cute.. I let out a soft laugh as i went to my drawers.
"When do you have to leave today? Hopefully not soon" I asked while I picked put one of my old dresses. The most simple and plain there was butnit was still my favorite.
"Im not going today. Your father gave me permanent to stay longer but Obi and Shirayuki will be going back for their safety.." He answered and looked a little flustered when he realized i picked out my outfit for today. He probably thinks i was about to change in front of him.
"As much as i love you, Zen, I still dont want you here while this is happening" I said as i took my dress and myself to the bathroom.
"Im not going till i know youre safe" he said and stood behind the door while I undressed.
"But it'd be safer for you if you did go. I dont want you hurt" I told him while I slid on my dress over my head.
"I told you, im not leaving till i know you're safe." He said sternly.
"I know" i hummed as i opened the door but stayed inside to brush my hair and put on my clip.
"Is there something you wanted to do today then? Maybe some that doesn't involve a lot of running around" zen suggested because my body is still a little weak from that poison.
"Im not sure, I wish we got to have obi and shirayukis wedding here though. I feel bad they have to wait longer.." I admitted as I went and put on my socks and boots.
"They both agreed to have it in Clarines and won't do it until you're there" Zen explained which only made me feel worse.
"At this point they'll have their baby before they even get married.." I sighed as I put on my weapon belt.
"Maybe" he hummed to me grinning.
"Youre so mean" I grumbled as I went to the door because I wanted to find the others but um, they were all outside my door already, "oh, um, good morning" I said as I looked around.
"Whatd you and Master do in here all night?" Obi asked me smuggly.
"Why are you asking me that when Shirayuki is pregnant?" I glared.
"Pfft-.." Mitsuhide almost laughed.
"Very funny guys" zen rolled his eyes as we stepped out of my room and into the hall.
"I can't believe we have to go when you're still in trouble" Shirayuki sighed to me and had her hand cupping her belly.
"Ill be okay" I smiled and felt a little bad. I wish she could stay but I can't have her getting hurt.
"We'll have to leave soon too" Obi told us.
"Ill be going back with them too" Mitsuhide told me.
"Ill make a trip to clarines whenever you guys are ready for the weddinf" I told obi and Shirayuki.
"We'll hold you to it" Shirayuki giggled.
"Take it easy and try not to die before we see each other again" obi told me with a sigh as we stepped closer and gave each other a goodbye hug.
"I promise" I chuckled to him as we hugged.
"Kiki, why don't you give Y/ns new friends a hard training day today so a certain couple could get some time alone" Mitsuhide suggested with a smile. Zen chuckled hearing this.
"That would be nice" zen hummed.
"Gladly." Kiki answered looking over to Leon and Juniper who seemed less than excited.
From there, we walked obi, Shirayuki and Mitsuhide to the carriage out front. I didn't want to say goodbye but I had to anyway. Obi was scared about leaving me again but I know he needs Shirayuki more right now. Kiki soon took Leon and Juniper for some fun around the castle so me and zen went to the kitchen. The women are preparing lunch for later because we kind of skipped breakfast.
"Princess Y/n! How are you feeling after what happened yesterday? We're still trying to figure out how it happened, im so sprry.." Ms. Jane spoke to me quickly as I walked in.
"Thats alright. I'm doing better now too. Do you mind if I steal the kitchen for a few minutes? I promise I won't get in your way" I smiled.
"Dont worry, you can have the whole thing to yourselves" she giggled and cleared the counters before leaving.
"She seemed nice. It makes me wonder how everything keeps getting posioned if its not the staff though" zen told me with a short sigh as I went to the pantry.
"I.. I didnt want to say anything but something else will probably happen soon. This food poisoning stuff is just so I could be weak for something else to come.." I told zen my honest thoughts. I haven't told anyone yet because I didn't want them to worry but.. I cant help it..
"Like what? Not like what happened in clarines, right?" Zen asked quickly as I gathered ingredients for pancakes.
"This person wants someone dead.. It might be me or maybe my family. I'm the strongest fighter here, it makes sense to make me weaker before a battle.." I answered as I gragged a bowl.
"Then I'm not leaving till I know you're safe!" Zen said as I looked in a draw for something to mix with but zen shut it and made me look him in the eyes. "We're so close to being okay and together again, I'm not going to let anything stop that from happening. I'm staying here." He told me and was so confident in this answer.
"But king Izana wouldnt-" I began in worry.
"He'll understand.." Zen said softly and seemed a little broken down. "My kingdom is safe but yours isnt.. You saved us so ill save you.." he told me before slowly pulling me closer into a hug.
"What am I going to do?.. How do I even prepare?.." I asked Zen as I let my arms wrap around him.
"We'll ask your father to secure the castle after telling him what we think will happen.. after that we can train the soldiers. You always say you'll do that then go off and study instead" he said softly in my ear.
"Zen.. Im scared.. I dont want them to hurt anymore of my family.. I don't want to run but I dont want to do this either.." I muttered against his chest and felt so sad.
"Then we'll fight together and we'll win." He told me confidently and looked down to me.
"Right" I nodded and smiled. "Lets eat first then talk to my father. We'll send out a messenger too so we can inform your bother" I said as I looked back to the bowl on the counter.
"Sounds good" zen chuckled and smiled.
Zens never really cooked before. I'm not surprised because he never grew up like that so I got to teach him. I taught him how to make pancakes. Its one of the easiest things you could make. He wasn't very patient waiting for the pancakes to cook which was really cute when he'd get all sad after they came out sloppy. He's not very good at flipping pancakes either I've learned. It was fun teaching him though. I think he gained a new passion for cooking from this. That's a good thing because I do not want to be a house wife cooking every meal soon. We sat down and ate together and just talked about so much. It was absolutely nothing important, just random things that made us laugh. It seems like we always have something to talk about even if it had nothing to do with what's happened around us.
It was during this day I grew up a little.
We went to see my father after breakfast only to stumble into a big noble family talking to him.
"Oh, I apologize father" I said quickly after seeing everyone.
"No worries, is something wrong?" Je asked in return with a smile.
"It can wait a minute" I smiled looking good to the kids hugging their mother and father.
"I see. Does it happen to explain why someone else is still here?" Father asked and was hitting to zen.
"Yes, im very sorry for staying so long and bothering you" Zen answered formally as we walked in a little closer because now we started a whole conversation.
"I apologize for intruding.." I whispered to the mother and father while zen talked to my father.
"Dont worry, Princess" the mother smiled so kindly.
"Princess?.." a little girl asked and peeked her head out. There's 5 children here. One is an infant girl. Three of them are girls and two are boys.
"My name is Y/n, it's very nice to meet you" I smiled as I looked over to the kids. They're so young and little. I haven't been around any children other than the twins so this feels exciting!..
"We can step out for a minute if needed Princess.." the father told me softly.
"Dont worry, I can talk later" I giggled as I looked to their baby.
"Would you like to hold her?.." The mother asked as zen and my father suddenly stopped talking to me.
"I-Im afraid I don't have much experience with baby's, miss. I dont want to hurt her!.." I said nervously as she moved closer.
"Dont worry, you'll be alright" she giggled and gently set her baby in my arms. My eyes lit up at this small little girl. Her eyes are bright green and her hair his a pretty brown. She's got the smallest hand and such a beautiful scent. My chest puffed up a little as I breathed in deeper. I feel overwhelmed and overcome with joy.. This is what shirayuki will have soon.. it must be nice being able to have a family of their own..
"Y/n, we were just discussing the possibility of creating a new trade route from the castle town to the citizens in the mountains. What do you think about this?" Father asked me as I looked down at this little girl with wide eyes then slowly turned to father and Zen. That smile Zen has on.. I.. I want a baby like this.. I want to not be stuck by time..
"We don't have much of a trading system as it is I think.." I said as i looked down to this little girl. "I think it'd be nice to have more citizens living in the mountains. I always liked exploring up there. We could have more farmers and work with them and have others create new jobs. Those jobs would just be people transporting goods" I said as I wondered about this while I slowly swayed with this baby girl. "Maybe the towns folk could write down the things they wanted on a post card and send it to the farmers. They would get the delivery ready and another would transport. This means we would have more jobs but do we have enough money to go about doing this?.." I was really just talking to myself st this point.
"What if you created these jobs first? It could be run by the castle staff then later moved on into town so there wouldn't be much worry for money." Zen suggested with a smile but I was too in thought to even look at him.
"Yes, we could start with that. There should be a fee for having your things delivered though. The farmers could always come to the market on Saturdays as well if they wanted.." I hummed in thought.
"Youre so smart.." a little boy said which snapped me out of my thoughts as I looked to him, "I thought we could do a pull system in the sky but yours sounds better.." he mumbled and figded with his shirt.
"Thats quite the invention." I smiled to him, "Good minds often make a good living these days too. Why don't you think hard about your system then once everything is worked out we can talk" I told him with a proud smile.
"Really?.." he asked in quiet awe.
"Im sure you could put it to use somehow. I don't think it could last for long distances though but I guess you'll have to test that, won't you?" I giggled as I looked down to this baby in my arms then to zens smiling face.
"Since Y/n came home, tanburan has been doing so well. She's not only bettering our community but our future rulers as well. They get more playful every day thanks to her" father told them with a little grin while I gave the baby back to her mother.
"Im not that playful" I giggled as I took a step back.
"If that was all, you may leave and we'll contact you soon about things" father told the family.
"Thank you highness. It was nice to see the both of you" the father bowed before they all left.
"Father," I began after the door was shut and it was just us 3, "this might go without saying but we could be under attack sooner or later. Probably when I'm at my weakest.. Thats why prince Zen decided he'd stay.." I explained with a lowered head.
"Yes, I know.. Zen, you must go back home to clarines though. We can't have you getting injured here." Father told zen as I kept my eyes down.
"Princess Y/n was severely injured under my care. We were under attack and she gave us back the courage to fight again.. Please allow me to stay and help fight. No matter how small the threat might be, I'll still put an end to it." Zen asked my father and took a knee in front of him. I feel overwhelmed.. this is where I grew up. Those kids, that baby girl, the look on Zens face when he watched me holding her, how Zen is begging to stay and protect me.. This is love. This is my family. Zen is my home.
"Zen," father began with a sigh.
"Im sorry, your highness," zen cut him off as he stood, "but I will not be leaving her side until all threats against her and the royal family are gone." Zen said as he stared directly into father's eyes.. he's so determined.. He'd even go against the kings wishes.. "Im not letting her go.." Zen said so softly to my father. He hadn't even blinked yet, he was so serious. Let me go, as in let me die.
"Y/n, what do you think about this?.." father asked me as suddenly everyone looked at me. My eyes widened in sudden fear and nervousness. Of course I want him to stay but I dont want him to get hurt so I want to send him home more!.. How would that affect Zen though? I'd be so broken and stressed if Zen sent me away at such a time.. This is exactly like when I had to go home before that fight in clarines.. what if they went after zen while I wasn't there? What if they went after him here and I was too weak to battle?
"I-I.. I.." I stuttered and had froze in fear. I want him to stay. I want to hold him so badly but what if he gets hurt? What if we don't get to have our family because of this? I'm so scared!..
"Y/n.." Zen called quietly when he saw the sadness and fear on my face. He tried to come closer but I tensed up which made him stop.
"I-.." more stuttering.. What do I do?.. 
I looked from Zen to father and back all over again a million times.
Out of no where, Zen hugged me. He gently pulled me closer and hugged me right in front of my father! This isn't appropriate but.. I dont want to let go..
"I send word Zen will be staying longer." Father said as I hugged Zen. I hugged him a little tighter hearing this. I'm so scared to let him stay.. "For now, you two should rest if any battle is to come." Father spoke as zen and I slowly pulled away.
"Understood.." I answered and kept my head down.
"It was just yesterday I saw you in the woods with your mother and father.. you were so little still holding their hands.." father suddenly said with a sigh. "Now you're all grown about to be merried already leaving tanbarun" he ranted a little.
"If I had the choice I'd take her much sooner than months to come. We'll visit though" Zen admitted to father with a chuckle.
"That was bold.." I whispered to Zen.
"What?" He whispered back as if that shocked him while I rolled my eyes.
"I appreciate your honesty at least" father sighed and put his head in his hand, "Y/n, come here for a minute" father called. Oh.. uh.. well I walked closer, he wanted to whispered something to me. "Have fun but don't end up like obi or we'll all be put in a bad spot.." he whispered. My eyes widened till I began to glare and pout.
"You're horrible.." I glared before turning back and walking to Zen.
"I mean it!" Father hummed happily that he got to tease.
"Lets go.." I grumbled to zen and took his hand as i walked him out with me.
"Whats with that face?" Zen chuckled and followed with me.
"My father is all serious around everyone else but me.. He teases far too much.." I mumbled to zen as we walked down the empty hall hand in hand.
"What did he tease?" Zen asked happily.
"Im not telling you.." I answered and looked to him with a little glare.
"Really? It's that bad?" He chuckled and was so happy with me.
"Its not bad it's just not something.. Let's stop talking." I said and walked a little further ahead of him to stop the conversation but he tugged me back.
"Hold on just minute! That's not fair!" Zen laughed as we walked down the hallways to no where in particular.
"Well it wasn't for you to hear.." I mumbled.
"Im going to get you to tell me by the end of today" he smiled and squeezed my hand a little.
"I don't wanna.." I grumbled making him laugh more.
We didnt really have anything to do but relax for the rest of today so Zen suggested we watched Kiki mess with Leon and Juniper. It was a pretty fun battle to watch but was over far too quickly. It was warm outside now too. Mostly anyway. I had a secret stash of books hiden in the greenhouse and picked out one of my old favorites to read for a while. Zen and I traveled back outside to the middle of the field and laid down in the grass side by side.
"Was this where someone threw those knives?.." Zen asked as we laid touching sides.
"Yeah.. The one day I let myself have off too.." I answered with a little smile as I looked up to the slow moving clouds.
"I let myself have a day off like that a while ago too.. It was actually the day we met" Zen told me as my eyes slowly widened then softened.
"Mine was the day before.. It was so I could think about my family.." I answered and felt sad.
A gust of wind almost scared me. It was fast but warm and messed my hair up a little. It happened right by when I said family.. Mom..
"The wind.. I.. I always thought of my mother as the wind.. When she passed away that night I could almost hear her voice in it.." I told zen as I slowly let my eyes shut.
"Flowers.." Zen almost whispered as he turned on his side to face me and pressed his forehead against mine. I opened my eyes in surprise by this. "Every time I see a garden I think of you." He told me with that same smile I saw the first time we met.
"When I die, I'd like to be buried with a garden around me.. Some good would come out of my death then.. itd bring a smile to people's faces.." I told him as I looked into his eyes. His eyes traveled away from mine and down to my lips where he stared for a second as his eyes slowly shut. I felt his lips press against mine not a second later.
"Id like to get married to you in a garden surrounded by everyone we love.." Zen whispered against my lips.
"Id like it if I didn't have a shredded, inked dress" I giggled and made him laugh next.
"It seems like we never get our way. Why don't we just run away?" Zen chuckled happily to me as we both turned to lay on our backs again.
"Why don't you go explain that one to my father and your brother first" I giggled.
"On second thought, maybe we shouldn't" zen sighed when he heard me only making me laugh more.
A water dropplet. Out of no where I felt that small droplet.
"I think all the castle staff just saw us kiss, zen" I giggled to him after noticing the crowded windows and maids stopped outside to stare.
"What?" Zen asked quickly as he sat up and looked around. Everyone ran away when zen looked up.
"We're caught" I giggled as I picked myself up and kept my hand in his.
"Theres no such thing as privacy is there?.." he mumbled.
"We could hide in my room and not tell anyome" I shrugged and was just being cheeky.
"Your father would kick me out of the castle for that" zen chuckled as I giggled and dragged him inside with me as it began to rain.
"Then when we get kicked out we can go to our run away home in the woods" I kept giggling as I walked with him down the hallway.
"Right where I asked you to merry me.." Zen hummed to himself with a smile. He looked over at me smiling bigger than ever then pressed a kiss right on my cheek.
"Youve been giving out a lot of kisses today. Did you miss me that much?" I giggled and felt all red in the face and so happy.
"Izana can't see me and I'm not too worried about your siblings either. It's the staff I have to keep an eye on" he told me as I smiled away and walked us to my room secretly.
"Oh, so you have a problem with kissing me when we're in clarines, huh? Were you embarrassed because Mitsuhide, Kiki, obi and Shirayuki were always around to see?" I grinned as I tugged his hand a little and opened my bedroom door.
"Obi did want to kill me for a while when things started between us" Zen answered as I brought him in then shut the door. "I cant believe you hung up all these letters still.." Zen told me with a soft sigh as he looked around.
"I let Juniper read them once.." I answered as I slowly sat down on the edge of my bed. "I was having a bad day then and wouldn't stop hiding under my blankets or in the bathroom.." I confessed to zen as I thought about that letters wrote him long ago.
"Why were you scared?.. You've never hidem like that before.." Zen asked and was suddenly more worried than ever.
"I.. You know how I.. I took someone's life, right?.." I asked and felt horrible. I hate telling zen these things about me..
"It was for self defense though!.." He said as he got more on edge and stood up then took a knee in front of me to see my face.
"His.. The man's son visited and asked to see me.. I thought it was his father and freaked out.. I scared obi and leon and Juniper.. I couldnt even talk about it till days later.." I admitted and felt sick to my stomach again.
"His son?.. Is he the one trying to take revenge?.." Zen asked me.
"Theres no proof other than him knowing my tea was poisoned. I knew it was too so I drank it just to get him to go away faster.." I explained and felt horrible. I know this scares zen a lot too.. "I had to write everything down to feel better so I wrote a letter to you.. I wouldn't ever send it to you though.." I told him and kept my head down.
Zen got up and wrapped his arms around me. "Im sorry I wasnt here to protect you but I'm here now.. You don't have to be scared anymore.." He said softly as he hugged me tightly. I nodded and kept my hold on him.
"Was there something you wanted to do today?.." Zen asked softly as we held each other.
"Stay here.." I muttered against his chest and didn't want to let go.
"And do what?" He softly chuckled and pulled away only a little just to see me.
"I don't know.." I answered shyly and couldn't look at him.
"It has been a while since we had time to ourselves.." Zen said as we thought back to the very last time we were truely alone. When he proposed.
"We didnt do anything but read" I giggled at the memory.
"Then what should we have done instead?" He asked happily. My mind thought to something not.. very.. appreciate.. Something Obi teased me about not doing before that night we got enged..
"Uhhmmm..." I mumbled with a bright blush while I looked away.
"Hm.. How about you have a spa day with your sister? If you want to get stronger you need to relax" Zen suggested happily.
"No." I glared and hated he suggested I wouldn't be with him all day. "Id like to start making your ring but clearly that's not happening.. Im still too tired to do it too.." I sighed as I thought about it. I finally have the perfect design I just feel awful..
"Then we'll have a nap day" he smiled at me and looked so happy for this.
"Only if I get to wear fuzzy pants" I grinned.
"Im not stopping you" he hummed and put his hands up happily.
"You strike a good bargain" I giggled as I went to my dresser.
"Oh, it'd be nice if there was a festival here in tanburan. Watching a play would be so fun right now.." I said as I thought back to that old play. Obi jumped in there to save Shirayuki so quickly but I left early to get lanterns. Then zen came and saved me once people started recognizing me.
"That would be nice" zen agreed as I looked for my favorite pants and a long sleeves shirt.
"I feel like I live in a play sometimes.. I think holding that woman's baby told me this was real though.." I explained to zen my honest thoughts.
"Things have felt a bit unreal.. You looked like a mom already holding her." Zen told me as my chest got all fuzzy.
"I-.. Is.. Is it too early to want a baby too?.." I asked and felt so incredibly nervous and embarrassed as I looked to zen. Not only was my face bright red but so was Zen's.
"N-No!.. I do too but we can't do anything till we're married.. I wish we really could do what we wanted though.." Zen explained quietly to me and had a look of disappointment.
"Um.. Well.. What if I somehow got pregnant and we had to speed up the wedding before anyone knew?.." I asked out of the blue, purely just spit balling... But that absolute shock on Zens face from the words that just left my mouth made me feel like I stepped way over the line. "I-Im just kidding.." I said out of sheer nervousness. "Im um, going to go change.." I said awkwardly as I turned to the bathroom.
"Yeah.." Zen nodded while I shut the door.
"I can't believe I even thought of that!.." I whispered to myself in a panic as I undressed. "Asking to have a baby when we're not even married or ready!.. am I out of my mind?!.." I whisper shouted to myself. I almost slipped when I took off my dress but I was okay. After that I put on my big funny pants and my shirt then prepared myself to try and not be so awkward again..
"Thats different" Zen chuckled when he saw what I was wearing.. So maybe royals wearing fuzzy pants and random unmatched shirts isn't heard of.. "I half expected an evening gown" he almost grinned.
"You dont have nice pants like these, do you Zen?" I grinned as I set my clothes down on top of my dresser before hopping on my bed.
"I can't say I do. I've never seen any like these" he hummed and couldnt help a quiet laugh.
"These are the simple joys of growing up poor, Zen. Fuzzy pants. Comfortable clothes. No heels or tight stuff" I said happily as I laid back against my pillows.
"I don't know, don't they get a little hot?" Zen asked and he came over and sat beside me.
"No, it feels like I have no pants on and laying under a blanket" I smirked which I knew would make him laugh.
"Maybe ill find some then" he chuckled as I scooted closer to him then put my head against his side.
"Yeah, we could wear the same ones.." I answered softly as I shut my eyes.
"Its hard to think that a year ago you wouldn't talk or even look at me.. now we'll be married eventually.." Zen said as I began to remember those days.
"Soon enough we'll have too much to do to think about the past. We'll be focused on the future.." I hummed.
"I can't wait till then.." zen muttered back as I let my eyes shut.

From there I let myself relax. We sat together at the head of the bed. We both fell asleep against each other sitting up. It was nice..

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I'm sorry it takes me so long to finish this book, I just have a lot going on lately:(