Gucci Girl / V / KTH / BTS / 18+

Time To Face The Moo

The trip to Brooklyn in the taxi is quick and although I don't really have the money to spend on a taxi to Brooklyn, it's important to get to my niece as quickly as possible.  My sister lets me in the door, not speaking, in silent understanding, maybe silent judging... I'm glad to not get the lecture she was likely planning. She was the only person I text during the taxi ride. I just said; I'm sorry, I'll be there soon to talk to her. I looked over some of the messages online. It's nothing I can't handle, and nothing I can't ignore. It's awkward to be splashed about online like I'm not a real person with real feelings but none of that bothers me as much as hurting Millie.

I tap on her bedroom door and there is no answer. "Millie," I call out quietly. "Millie Moo I'm here, I want to talk to you."

"Go away Halley I don't ever want to talk to you again!" she yells back. But I open the door anyway. She's face down on her bed, and refuses to look up at me.  I cautiously take a seat next to her.

"Millie, I know that you are hurt, and I am sorry. I don't want you to be hurt. I wasn't planning anything, it just happened," I say quickly trying to find the right words to match my feelings.

She turns and glares at me, with a pained expression. "How does that just happen? Like who does that with someone they don't even know?!" she says angrily. "And all those people are calling you all sorts of names." She shakes her head.

"Millie, I'm sorry you had to read that stuff. But I have to be honest with you, I didn't do anything wrong by spending time with Taehyung. I know I don't act much like an adult but I am an adult. And there is nothing wrong with two people enjoying being with each other." She looks at me refusing to accept my words.

"Then why is everyone calling you a slut because you just met him and were already doing that!" she says both confused and angry.

"Because people are mean, and jealous, and sometimes they use names to try to make someone feel ashamed of who they are or what they've done.  It works really well. I was feeling ashamed. But I'm not ashamed for liking someone and for spending the night with him. I'm allowed to do that. I was only ashamed of not being honest with you about how much I liked him. I thought I could protect you if you didn't know and that's why I feel bad."

She listens to my words. "So, it doesn't bother you that people call you those names?" she asks.

"It sucks! But I know that it isn't true, and it can't hurt me. It's just words, and tomorrow those same people will find someone else to target. We are just two people who liked spending time together. He is a grown man, and he has a life that they just don't talk about in papers or online." I run my hands over her hair smoothing it. "I wish you didn't have to find out the way you did, because I know that you have a crush on him." She rolls her eyes.

"Oh Aunt Halley no one says 'crush', and besides, I'm OT7 remember." she wipes the tears away from her eyes.

I smile warmly at her. "I know yes, OT7. I saw Jin, and I met Jimin and Suga too," I tell her and she looks back at me excited.

"Really? can you tell me all? I mean, obviously the stuff that's rated G right." She settles in beside me and my sister stands in the doorway watching us, smiling and shaking her head.

I spend an hour sitting with Millie telling her the good things about my time with them, what they had on and what they looked like close up, I was careful to leave out parts that were not appropriate, but I sense that she is aware there is much more to the story. It feels as though our connection has grown and maybe she understands more than I realize about the world and life. Maybe we can even be better friends, more honest friends.

I step out of her room to join my sister in the living room. She is sitting with a cup of tea and watches me sit down, waiting for me to speak. I sit in silence.

"Is that a new sweater?" she asks eyeing it. I look down at the sleeve, forgetting what I had on.

"Oh, no, it's Taehyung's. He gave it to me in case there were any photographers around, but I went out the back door of the hotel and didn't see any," I say casually. She shakes her head.

"Are you going to see him again?" she asks.

"No," I say, not looking at her.

"No?" she's surprised. "Really?"

"Well, I mean, it was amazing. I mean really, really amazing," I say, smiling and trying to hide a flush of embarrassment. "But, it's not like he lives down the street and works downtown is it?" I shrug. "I know you think I should just grow up and-"

She interrupts me, "No, you've already proved you've grown up. You came here to speak to Millie, and to apologize. That's pretty grown up in my book. You did the right thing." She smiles.

"I really didn't want to hurt her. I definitely got caught up in the moment, repeatedly." I grin at her and she laughs shaking her head.

"And yet you don't want to see him again?"

"It isn't that, it's just that I know he has this whole other life and we really don't know each other very well. I need to sort out my own life without all the complications of trying to be with someone like that," I explain.

"Yep, you've grown up. Isn't it dull?" She laughs.

"It for sure isn't as much fun, but I could learn to like it," I tell her. "Mind if I stay for dinner?"

"Sure. I bet you haven't eaten anything yet today," she says as I follow her to the kitchen.

"No and I am starving." I sit at the counter across from her, the same place I was sat 24 hours earlier as we made dinner and waited to see if V would call to say hello to Millie. There was definitely something different about the world today, and it wasn't just from being with Taehyung, and feeling close to someone physically and emotionally. It's something different within, maybe I have grown up a little, just a little.