Kagayema never felt this way before. In his sixteen years of existance, he had never felt the slightest attraction to anyone. So why now? Why did he fall in love with the most unexpected person...? To make it more confusing, why did he fall in love...
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It took him a while before he could answer back. "Eh? Uhm, I like you too, Kageyama."
"Dumbass," I whispered softly. Giving up on the curry bun, I placed it beside me and looked up to the sky. The first stars already started twinkling. "Not like that. I mean, I like you more than as a friend."
Hinata slowly sat down on the grass in front of me, still trying to understand the situation. His brain was having a hard time grasping it, which kind of hurt. "As in... romantically?"
I felt my whole face heat up. I couldn't look him in the eye. "Please don't say it like that. I'm still embarrassed with this whole homo thing."
Silence. "So... Kageyama, you're gay?"
I closed my eyes and fervently prayed for the ground to split up and eat me. Sadly, when I reopened my eyes, we were still in the park... and I was still doing this unplanned confession. "Not that I felt this way for other guys in the past."
I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. The silence stretched between us awkwardly -- I didn't know what else to say.
"So uhm Hinata," I started explaining. "Like I said, I knew this would only lead to rejection. I didn't expect anything anyway. I know your straight. I just... I guess I just believed you when you said it would make you happy."
"I am happy!" Hinata suddenly said, standing up from the ground. He was staring at me intensely, which was not good for my heart. But I refused to look away. "I am happy with your feelings! Please don't misunderstand that! It's just that... It's just that I'm also really surprised. In my eyes, you were only focused on volleyball. So the possibility of you being romantically inclined to girls seemed nill to me... and the possibility of you liking a guy... well, it just never crossed my mind. But, I am happy with your feelings."
It was my turn to be confused. "You're not uhm, grossed out with it?"
Hinata shook his head adamantly. "I'm not grossed out or weirded out. Really, thank you for it. However, I've never liked a guy before. So, I'm sorry."
I knew he would reject me. I knew he was straight. So... why did it still hurt? I felt like crying, but I didn't want to do it in front of Hinata.
Ahhh, I felt so embarrassed! I covered my face with one hand and looked away from him. "Don't apologize. I just hope nothing will change between us. Please don't feel awkward after this. Especially while playing volleyball."
At this, Hinata smiled like usually. "You got it! So, are you gonna eat that curry bun?"
I looked at the curry bun, and then at Hinata. He stared at it hungrily, which made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I threw it at him. "You can have it."
"Yay!" He said. Still sitting on the ground, he gobbled up the curry bun hungrily.
As promised, he started acting normally right after that confession. He launched on a story about how Tanaka got slapped by Kiyoko yesterday. And while l listened, I couldn't help but feel relieved. Relieved that nothing changed between us. But I guess, also sad.
Sad for the same reason -- that nothing changed between us.
Hinata said that when you truly loved someone, you wanted them to be happy without expecting anything in return. But as I watched him laugh under the twinkling stars, I couldn't help but feel greedy.
