Awakened

Chapter 10: Honesty

Kageyama Tobio

Ever since the confession, I felt closer to Hinata. Hinata opened up to me more, and we talked about things even outside volleyball. Our walks home also got longer, as if we were unconsciously slowing our paces to stretch the time we had together...

I slapped my forehead. What was I even thinking? He already rejected me. Why was I twisting it all in my head? Just because he knew and didn't get grossed out by it, didn't mean he liked me back.

Hope. What a terrifying thing.

I crouched down on the cemented floor, feeling a migraine setting in. I must be really dumb. Being with Hinata makes me happy, but it also hurts. I wish I could just be satisfied with being friends... But I like him so much. And that selfish part of me wants to keep on trying.

"Oi Kageyama," Hinata said while sitting beside me. "Thanks for waiting."

Anything for you, I wanted to say.  Instead, I said, "You better have a good reason for making me wait, you dumbass Hin--" I stopped when I saw his face. He looked like he didn't sleep. Dark circles rimmed his eyes, and his skin looked pale.

Hinata gave a half-hearted smile. "You know, I never liked it when you called me dumbass before. Strangely, now I do."

I blinked. "Are you mentally ill or something?"

He laughed at this. "Hmmm. Maybe? I dunno. I think you're just awkward and you don't know what else to do except hurl insults."

"Mhmmm," I agreed. "That may be true. But you're still a dumbass."

Hinata asked me to come up to the rooftop at lunch that day. I really didn't think of anything back then. But now that I was with him, I was getting nervous. He seemed serious... quieter than usual.

"Hey Kageyama," he whispered. Suddenly, he stared at me with those big amber eyes. "Promise me you'll answer my questions truthfully."

"Uhh okay," I replied dumbly. I was trying to think of anything but the fact that we were alone.

"Do you still like me?" He blurted out. "Like, romantically?"

Nervousness immediately turned to annoyance. I felt a vein throb on my forehead."You doubting my feelings?"

Hinata backed away, seeming smaller than normal. "Erm hehe," Hinata gulped. "It was just a question. You really don't need to get angry."

"Next question," I huffed.

Silence.

 "Is this... are we.... Am I hurting you?"

This caught me off guard. I didn't know what to say. We both looked at each other for a moment, neither one of us saying anything. Stupid Hinata. So this was why he looked like crap? He was worried about hurting me...? 

"I'm always hurting," I admitted, looking away. "But I'm also always happy. Does that make sense?"

When Hinata didn't answer, I continued. "But you're not the one hurting me. I'm hurting myself. Even though you rejected me... even though you told me you never liked guys... I continuously hurt myself because I let these selfish thoughts and emotions sway me. But you never did anything wrong. I made you promise to act like usual. And... Well, I don't know how else to say this that's less cringy. But, you make me happy, dumbass."

I chanced a glance on Hinata. I was surprised to see a blush on his face. 

I felt embarrassed. "Don't.... I hope I didn't make things awkward by saying that. You told me to answer truthfully."

Hinata buried his face between his knees. "I wish you stop saying stuff like that..."

I felt a painful pang in my chest. "Sorry --"

Suddenly, Hinata grabbed my arm. "Don't you dare apologize for feeling that way! That's not what I meant! I just meant that I wish you stopped saying things that confuses me!"

I didn't understand what this idiot was talking about anymore. Why did I have to fall in love with this midget anyway? "Confuse you...?" Wasn't I being clear that I liked him?

"I don't like men! I like girls! I'm straight!" Hinata continued on, still grabbing on my arm.

I gave him a menacing look. If this idiot rejects me for the second time, I swear I'll--

"But you confuse me..." Hinata suddenly admitted, his voice softer. "I've never liked a guy before. But.. but you're confusing me... especially when you're saying stuff like that... lately, you're always on my mind. I find myself always looking for you. And when we're together, I feel really happy. But..."

My heart was beating so hard within my chest, I was afraid it would leap out straight to Hinata. "But...?"

"But I'm not sure," Hinata confessed, letting go of me. "I don't know if this means I like you. I don't know if I'm just going through a confusing adolescent phase. And, as much as this sounds terrible, I don't know if I'm just flattered with your feelings, Kageyama. I don't want to get your hopes up. But I don't know what to do with this confusion."

Was this really happening...? Was he seriously getting confused because of me...? I knew he told me not to get my hopes up... And I knew he said he wasn't sure what he was feeling himself. But heck, even if it was just flattery, I still wanted to keep on trying. The outcome may be painful for me, but it's worth it. He's worth it.

"Do you want to try...?" I asked shyly, glancing away.

He tilted his head. "Try what?"

Before my awkward self consumed me, I decided to just go for it. "Date me, damn it! Why do you always force me to say embarrassing things???"

He looked like he wasn't sure if he should be terrified. "Is that a threat, Crappyama? Because I won't date you if--"

"Please," I amended. "Please try dating me. Maybe you'll be able to solve the confusion you feel. And if you don't like me after this, then it's okay. At least I could tell myself that we both tried."

Hinata's face turned as red as apples. "Okay."

-----

That night, I couldn't sleep a wink. 

All I could think about was this: DON'T FUCK UP THIS CHANCE, TOBIO.