KALOPSIA ✓

15. our town

15. our town
"You will like the shady lanes in our town. The music of the passing trains in our town."

//

a woman's purpose is uncertain.

the reasoning behind a woman's purpose lies in the laced words that slip through a man's mouth, sometimes he doesn't have to say anything as his hands can speak for him. other reasons lie in looks from strangers, children throwing tantrums, the washing machine going round and round and the worst place of all... the mirror.

Crema's purpose is uncertain.

she doesn't think her life's purpose was to become a wife or a mother. unlike the other girls at school, Crema craved for more. having a child was never on her agenda, in her destiny, but the truth is, she couldn't find a reliable place to get an abortion. not to mention that she didn't have enough money. the country promotes capitalism.

that doesn't mean she doesn't love Gaia and what she's brought to her young life. Gaia fit into her destiny like she was supposed to and Crema fit into the role as a mother the same way Taehyung for example, fitted into the music business. sure, she saw her life purpose among flashy, overexaggerates movie billboards, men, women and being a woman of the century. but some things have yet to be achieved.

her high hopes and dreams are just imaginary after all.

when she looks at Taehyung, she sees an entirely different purpose. they didn't meet so long ago– it's been two months and she feels like she's known the singer all of the years she's walked this earth. she knew him somehow– in her father's kindness, who eventually died. she knew him from the warm aura of the bakery section in the grocery store. she knew him from the radio stations that gave singers a chance. she knew him in the way the rain poured down but always made way for better weather.

he's always been there, even before knowing his name.

Crema witnesses a man's purpose in the world through Taehyung. he however, carries his purpose differently to other men. it makes you feel mesmerised.

she sees his arrogant, charming, polite, hard-working, king like attitude, evident talent and stubbornness as his purpose when he smokes outside, jaw as sharp as ever– eyeing her from head to toe, making her feel needed. she sees it when he sticks up for his black friend, passionately, throwing a solid punch to the owner of a 'whites only' hotel. she sees it when he shows her his secret tattoos, hidden underneath his expensive suits– on the smooth surface of his back. she sees it when he picks her up in his standard, delightful convertible and tells her about his first wife– how she couldn't stand him and how Crema will start to one day.

she sees his purpose being fed when she leans over, hand resting on his thigh to say, "i'm not her. i won't be able to stand you but i won't be going anywhere." and the slight intimidated, flash of fear in his chestnut orbs makes her feel a man's purpose for once.

that's exactly why she's been distancing herself from the wickedly handsome boy.

but a man and his purpose continues to follow her throughout her life. despite being away from the one man who's been good to her, every other man's purpose shadows over her like a heavy rain cloud.

Crema knows she shouldn't fear walking home from the grocery store at night but this time it's a different kind of fear. it's not the natural type that sits in every woman's stomach– no, she's being followed.

she glances to the side numerous times, capturing the view of a lanky, male figure following her. the skies are now painted black and her heart thumping against her rib cage. there's a small amount of distance between them as she pushes Gaia faster, feet even faster.

she gulps harshly, trying to rush because she's terrified. she holds her head up high anyway, attempting to find her perfume bottle in her bag at the same time. the streets are growing quieter now and her legs are starting to hurt.

ten minutes later, Crema notices he's finally gone.

still with hesitant looks, she enters her apartment building carefully. she breathes a sigh of relief, capturing her daughter's innocent expression– big eyes and curious frown. Crema feels the need to curl into a ball and cry her heart out because she does not want to be a woman, even one with purpose.