Jennie Kim Is Not Gay || jenlisa

Epilogue

10:32PM

Parties have never really been Lisa's thing. They're too noisy, there's too much pressure to be sociable and Lisa's last attempt didn't exactly end well. But Nayeon was intent on throwing a New Year's Eve party, and some part of Lisa didn't want to decline and so she's here. Staring at the bottle of beer in her hand and wondering when her life changed to the point where going to parties seemed like a good idea. Lisa's got to pin this one on Jennie.

The girl in question is stood next to Lisa, casually leant against the wall, taking the occasional swig of her drink.

She smiles when she catches Lisa looking at her.

"You enjoying the party?" Jennie asks.

Lisa can tell that Jennie is teasing her, that Jennie knows exactly how uncomfortable Lisa feels. It's not as bad as it might have been a few months back though, Lisa doesn't feel like the walls are closing in on her. Progress.

"It's not as bad as earlier anticipated," Lisa replies honestly.

"You want to dance then?"

"Baby steps Jennie."

Jennie laughs then, a sound that brings back familiar memories.

"And who are you planning on kissing at midnight?" Jennie asks. "I've seen Tyuzu staring at you all night."

Jennie keeps her tone flippant but Lisa can sense the underlying nervousness. Lisa knows who she wants to kiss at midnight, is pretty sure they want to kiss her back. But she keeps her cards close to her chest.

"I haven't decided just yet."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Silence descends upon them and Lisa shuffles awkwardly from foot to foot.

"Nayeon's done a really good job on this," Lisa says, a desperate attempt to start conversation, to dispel the tension.

"She has," Jennie agrees, "she's been working on this for weeks, of course she had help from me."

"It's a miracle that it looks this good then, I imagine you were more of a hindrance than a help."

"Hey!"

"The truth hurts Jennie."

"I know, but that one hurt especially."

"We're been friends for nearly a year now, you would have thought you'd be used to it."

"I guess I keep on holding on to the hope that one day you might change."

Lisa isn't sure why that statement hurts so much. A few months back it might have sent her into a dizzying spiral of panic, wondering why she's never okay just the way she is, but now it just stings ever so slightly.

"Really?" Lisa asks, and she can't keep some of the worry out of her voice.

"Of course not," Jennie says, gaze locked with Lisa's, "I love you just the way you are."

The word hangs between them like a trap ready for them to fall into. It's a word they've been skirting around for the past ten months. There's been moments where it's been mentioned before. It's been shouted in anger, whispered over the phone when they've stayed awake late at night. But it's moments like this - when Lisa can see the sincerity written so clearly on Jennie's face - when Lisa wonders if maybe it's time to accept that Jennie means it, that she's not going to change her mind.

Lisa's got until midnight.

"I'm glad," Lisa says.

Lisa never says the word back. Is too afraid that the moment she tells Jennie she still loves her the whole thing is going to come tumbling down. Lisa's almost convinced that the only reason Jennie still loves her is because she's not sure whether Lisa loves her back. That maybe she's staying till she knows, that as soon as Lisa says the words she'll leave. Lisa knows it's stupid, that it's not true, but that doesn't stop her from worrying.