Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 46

I soon wake up from the nightmares, but my vision is blurry. I blink several times as I sit up. There is no one in the room, even though the lights are on. The medicines seem to have worked very quickly as I feel no pain when I get off the bed and go to the washroom.

I wash my face and retie my hair. As I remember Azar would still be in the hospital, my heart yearns to know if Azar is feeling better.

I try to distract myself away from the thoughts. I look at myself in the mirror and realize I am still wearing the same clothes. I am also drenched in sweat. Only if I could change.

I look outside the window and see it is nighttime. I guess I can wait till the morning. I head back to the room and am about to lie down again when I notice the shopping bag that the woman brought here earlier with the food and medicines.

There is a towel, some clothes and even my abaya in it. After taking a long bath and changing into clean clothes, I sit on the bed, wondering what to do. I am sleepless, and I am lonely even in a world with seven billion people.

Having not much to do, and to avoid nightmares, I decide to pray. If I have been out for three days, then I have missed a lot of prayers. The immense peace I feel after I finish prayer reminds me of the day Azar and I went to the Masjid.

Don't think about him, I tell myself sternly. It is over. He most probably would have signed the divorce papers by now. He is not your husband anymore. I never thought it would hurt to be free of him, but the thought sinks my heart into a complete mess.

I lie back down, wondering how much more I have to see before it's the end. I want to get out of here, I desperately wish. I want to leave this country. A new environment is all I need to start a new life, but as tempting as it sounds, I can't leave. Not until I face him.

I can't let him harm my family. I can't let him win every single time. He wants to torture me. He wants to drive me to pure insanity. He wants me to believe I deserve all the pain and sorrow there is in the world. Maybe I do deserve it. Maybe I don't deserve the people I love, and they deserve far better than me, but no matter how much I feel as if I deserved this, the truth is no one deserves to go through what I went through. No one deserves such a dark childhood.

This time when I face him, I'll collect proof against him so that no one has to go through what I had to go through. A plan with a thousand loopholes, yet I'll stick to it. I have no choice.

I close my eyes, trying to trap the motivation inside me forever. There were people in the past, the Prophets and many others who I don't know of, that went through a lot of hardships and still held on. I have to hold on too. I just have to trust Allah. Oh Allah, I am in desperate need of your help. You are the only one who I have. Let me never lose sight of You.

I don't know how long I stay in bed. The living nightmares end when the nameless woman enters my room. She almost trips when I sit up and greet her. "You are awake?"

"I woke up quite a few hours ago, in fact," I inform her, getting down from the bed. "I feel quite better actually. My legs are a little sore, but apart from that, I feel no pain." The words sound very odd coming from me. "I even took a bath and changed."

"That is great," the woman squeaks. "I'll inform Sir immediately. Do you want to eat in here or out in the dining room?"

"No, that won't be necessary," I refuse, feeling guilty about being dependent on strangers. "I would like to go back now."

"Go back? B-But this is your home!" The woman exclaims to my utter astonishment.

"It was my home," I remind her, startled by her response. "It isn't anymore, though, and I'd be overstepping if I stayed any longer."