Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 9

"I can't marry Azar Hussain," I repeat, my words hanging in the air.

"I heard you the first time!" She raises her voice, and I try my best not to flinch. I hate yelling. "Is this a joke? It's not very funny."

"I'm not joking, Mom," I say in a low voice.

"Why?" She implores, and I can tell she is controlling her anger. "What's wrong with him? He is from a very good family, has a nice job, and is good-looking too Ma Sha Allah. We have been meeting with them for years. We know them. You know them. Why are you saying no?"

How can I tell her? How should I explain to her what he did in school? How can I tell her that he is trying to ruin my life? She is not going to believe my word over her eyes even if I tell her what Azar said to me today.

"There are many reasons," I answer too ambiguously.

"Okay, name one." She folds her arms across her chest. "Tell me."

I hesitate. Maybe there is a reason why Azar is like this, but that doesn't justify his actions nor does it give me any sensible reason to marry him whatsoever. If he wasn't so adamant about his hatred towards me, maybe I would have considered it. Maybe I would've been intrigued by him if I wasn't haunted by my past. I'm too messed up myself, and he is only going to make it worse.

"Abeer!" Mom snaps me out of my thoughts. Her arms fall by her side as she says, "It's about him, isn't it? You still haven't gotten over your past. When will you let it go?"

"I can't," I say, my lips trembling slightly. "I can't forget it. I can't forget him. Don't you think I try to? Don't you think I am the one who wants to forget him the most?" I pause a little. "I can't marry Azar. You said I can say no just a few days ago. I'm saying no."

"Abeer!" She yells, and I move back in reflexively. "You do even realize what you are saying? Seven years! Seven years have passed since your wedding was decided." She gestures at my ring. "You think I didn't notice you wore that ring every single day for the past week? Why did you if you were going to reject? You said yes, and now you are backing out."

"I never said yes!" I plead. "How could you decide this seven years ago and now just ask me as a formality? How can you do this to me?"

"Yes, I decided it years ago, but I did it for your own good, Abeer. Why is that so wrong? I didn't decide without knowing what he and his family are like. And I knew you would never say yes back then as you weren't ready and still studying, but I didn't want to lose such a good family." I feel sick when I hear her justify her actions. "If I asked you now, why is that wrong? You said you are ready to marry now."

"I said I was ready to marry, not ready to marry Azar!" I clarify.

"Why do you have a problem with him?" she demands.

"Azar is not who you think he is. He hates me," I come clean.

"Abeer!" Mom reprimands. "How desperate are you to run away from marriage? Till when will you cling to your past? And how could you pin it on Azar? He has been faithful to you for seven years. Why would he marry you if he hates you?"

"You don't understand..." I trail off.

"Yes, I don't!"

"Does he know that I didn't know?! Does anyone from his family even know that I am unaware of my own seven years commitment?" The more I speak about it, the more insane it seems to me.

"I told them you are wary of it as you were young, and it takes you time to trust people—"

"I wonder why!" I interject.